Stripper Jokes

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Stripper Jokes
April 17, 2011
Heard this joke at the local watering hole last night:

Neurosurgeon consults with prospective patient about brain transplant:

Surgeon, "There are three brains available for your transplant surgery. Nuclear physicist - $1000; Philosophy professor - $2000; Blonde stripper - $50,000."

Patient, "Why is the stripper's brain so expensive?"

Surgeon, "Never used."

Run with this thread, boys; must be lots of new jokes!
Atlanta
Dec 2001
May '17
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Customer: How much are your lap dances?

Stripper: 1 for $25, 2 for $50, and 3 for $100.
Feb 2011
May '17
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Guess some do use their brains....they've got lots of my money over the years !
Sep 1999
Dec '16
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Stripper joke:

Why did the stripper frown at the orange juice can? Because it said "concentrate." :)

About backwards pricing: Yeah, there's a backwards-incentive at Penthouse here in New Orleans, too. I think it's $50 for 20 minutes, $250 for 30 minutes, and $350 for an hour. At first it looks idiotic (why would I EVER get an hour at $350, when I could instead do 3 stints of 20-minutes each, back to back, for $150?). But when you learn that girls only do the 20-minute deal if there's a new and reluctant customer, and only once for any given guy ever, and then you find out that the bouncer will refuse to allow you to go for a second 20-minutes right after the first 20-minutes, it starts to make a bit more sense. Not much, but a bit ... :P
Dec 2008
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OV, I agree the pricing at Cols Gold is insane. Not to mention their 30 minutes for $350, which if you do the math comes out to about 10 songs. They try to advertise their bundle packages like 3 for $100 as being "3 uninterrupted song" as if they actually collect payment after you do every individual song.
Nov 2010
Oct '16
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I'd hate to hear dancers' PL jokes. Then again, if they let those get out, it'd probably cost them a ton of money.
Operating Coast to Coast
Nov 2009
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Book Guy, the 20 minute dances are $100 at Penthouse, not $50. I have timed them, the bouncer always cuts you short by a few minutes, so its more like 15 minutes. Girls don't advertise the 20 minute deal. They try to get you for a half hour, hour, or $40 single private dance.
Apr 2010
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This isn't new but one I remember. This was before the do not call list. A dancer said she bought a device that when hooked up to the phone could make several whoopee sound noises. A telemarketer called. She asked if he could hold because she just ate a bean burrito. Then she hooked up the device and checked back a few minutes later. He was still on the line. Then she put him back on hold.
Apr 2010
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The worst joke I heard a dancer say was "I'll dance for free. If you don't like it, you don't have to pay."
Now if it was free, why would I have to pay in the first place?
Jul 2004
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Two strippers are on an outdoor deck for a smoke break near closing time.
First stripper asks the other "Which do you think is closer - the moon or Florida?"
The other stripper thinks about it for a minute and finally answers "the moon."
The 1st stripper asks "Why?".
The 2nd stripper says "We can see the moon. Duh."

(okay - so I modified this "blonde" joke for strippers!)
Jan 2008
Feb '12
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Onstar, how can I help you ?
Is this onstar ?
Yes it is. What can I do for you ?
I'm locked in my car.
You're locked in your car ?
Yes. I dropped the keys as I was closing the door, now I'm locked inside.
You can't open the door ?
No.
Do you see the silver knob on your door ?
Yes.
That's the lock. Pull up on the knob.
(You hear a thunk and the door opening). Oh, thank you.
Sep 1999
Dec '16
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Sinclair: you are correct. Still, the pricing is oddly silly (isn't it $100 for 20 mins; $250 for 30 mins; $340 to $400 for 60 mins?) and makes no sense unless you understand that the smallest item (20 @ $100) is a "loss leader" and therefore girls are chary about them. Also, the upper-levels are more private rooms. I have HEARD tale of good service, but cannot confirm personally.

Had a bad experience with a gal there just last night, BTW. "I don't allow touching." Technically, it is (of course) up to the dancer to decide her personal limits, and technically, it is (you may be surprised to learn) illegal for a dancer to contact a customer in a private dance in New Orleans. Nevertheless, it counts as DELIBERATELY MISLEADING if a girl bites your nipples and neck on the main floor, fondles your dickie through your pants, but then in the 20-minute room moves your hands off of her THIGHS (was heading for the ass; never got there; never even TRIED for the tits), especially in a club where the NORM is for all girls to allow some tit-fondling, and for most girls to allow tit-sucking. Right? She KNOWS she's offering much less than most girls would, and so she's FOOLING the customer into a false expectation which she knows she won't meet, isn't that the case? or is there some other possible interpretation?
Operating Coast to Coast
Nov 2009
May '17
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Book Guy, I don't think extras occur at Penthouse to the best of my knowledge. They even make you sign a piece of paper saying you will not have sex with the dancer, etc. When you say upper levels, are you referring to the second floor suites and private areas or is there a third/fourth floor I don't know about? However, I have heard that a full-on fuck can be had at Temptations or Lipstixx in a non-shared private room if the price is right a la Bob Barker.
Sep 1999
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Dude, I didn't want EXTRAS, but the dancer didn't even provide NORMAL.
Apr 2010
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In Seattle I had a few gals ask "Would you like a 40 50 or 60" this is for one dance.
Apr 2009
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BG: Nope, that's the only *rational* interpretation. I'm sure she rationalized it to herself, but she was in effect lying to you.
Sep 1999
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C x { RE [ K (ld ^ s) ] } / D x K (ld ^ s-q ) = F

Customer C times reasonable expectation RE of certain constant K level of lapdances ld, as based on the particular strip-club in question s, over dancer D times constant K level of lap dances ld as based on some degree q less than the strip-club s usual level, equates to falsehood F.

Quotient q is the operative factor here. How MUCH less than the norm did she give you. Or how much MORE?

Price, additionally, SHOULD be factored by F, but generally is not.
Oct 2010
May '17
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Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,
"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"I recognize her; she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, "Geez, Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time!"
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More Discussions

Aug 2008
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Lol!
Oct 2009
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I'll try again when I'm not high. But I don't think that's it. I'm using a desktop with the new web site for the first time, and it looks like crap. I can't find anything. It took me a couple of minutes to find the discussions. Words are cut off all over the place. The scroll bars at the side, or whatever you call them, are all ducked up. I've surfed through a bunch on web sites this evening and this is the only one that is screwed up.

I'm sorry if this has already been discussed in detail and I missed some of it, but I'm just surprised at the site using a desktop for the first time. As an aside, I was starting to get used to the site on my phone and iPad. Some things seem to have gotten tweaked, or perhaps it was just my increased familiarity. But I can't use the desktop version on my computer right now.

By the way, I'm not trying to criticize Founder's efforts. I sympathize with how hard it is these days to develop a web site that looks good on all platforms, aps, devices, etc.

I'm using Internet explorer at the moment if that matters.
Oct 2009
May '17
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What kind of vagina does your DS/ATF have? Which kind do you prefer? Which kind do you think if most common?

elitedaily.com/women/types-of-vaginas-bikini-waxer/1841255/

The DS is a Barbie. But while I love them all, my fav is Ms. Curtains which is what DS II had. The above link suggests that Curtains might be the most common, but in my experience I think its fairly uncommon. I see more Barbies than anything else, but that may be because its common on petite girls which is what I go for. I tend to ignore the pussies on thick girls.

DS III, in case you wondered, had a tiny little tulip. And wonderfully developing oral skills.

Damn I miss those girls.
Aug 2013
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Need a little Hong Kong, or Adelita's fix. Lost my old passport, and new one won't be here for 2 weeks. Anyone try using their birth cert and drivers license to cross lately?
Jun 2016
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If so, then your name might be San Jose Guy(gay)!

Who starts threads about dreams, or municipal finance on a strip club website?

Answer: Someone who truly has a passion for cock and balls.
Feb 2003
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Sep 2016
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*Cries, as a baby would.*
Miami, FL
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Defensive tackle for the Seattle Seahawks from 1990–2000 (his whole career) - he was not as famous considering his talent b/c he was a quiet guy on and off the field and Seattle was not very good for most of those years so he did not get as much exposure - he died on May 23, 2017, in Orlando, Florida; he was 48 years old; according to police, he was alone when he died

Some of his football accomplishments:

+ High school: Wilson (AR) Rivercrest

+ College: Miami (FL) - NFL Draft: 1990 / Round: 1 / Pick: 3

+ 8× Pro Bowl (1991–1996, 1998, 1999)

+ NFL Defensive Player of the Year (1992)

+ NFL 1990s All-Decade Team

+ Seattle Seahawks Ring of Honor

+ Seattle Seahawks No. 96 retired

+ 2× National champion (1987, 1989) - University of Miami

+ elected to the Hall as a member of the 2012 induction class - he was the second Hall of Famer to earn his credentials primarily as a Seahawk
Sep 2005
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Although Sean Connery is my favorite James Bond actor, Roger Moore played in my all time favorite movie opener ("Octopussy".) I will never forget the cool casual way he said "fill er' up." I enjoyed RM's Bond movies just as much as Sean Connery's. RIP, Sir.
Dec 2010
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I don't think I would club very often if there weren't much variety. The more variety there is, the more often I want to club. This includes different clubs, different dancers, different positions/moves during dance, etc. Currently, not much variety in my area. The really fun clubs are all shut down, and the fun dancers are few.
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