Strip Clubs in Albuquerque

Do you like to write? Submit an Article and get 4 weeks free VIP! Join Now!
Dec 2004
Sep '17
8
7/6
97/25
5
Strip Clubs in Albuquerque
March 22, 2012
A couple of weeks ago the city council proposed a restrictive ordinance regulating Strip clubs. I have been meaning to post a summary of strip clubs in Albuquerque for a while, and I guess i better do it before they change it all. The new ordinance would ban VIP rooms at the strip clubs, prohibit touching from the customer or the employee, and would require club licensing. Lawyers for the clubs and the ACLU are fighting this ordinance.

As it stands now, Albuquerque is a good city for clubs, but not a great one. You can get high mileage dances from the right dancer in most clubs, but extras are rare, if they exist at all. Fortunately, prices are modest, so it doesn't cost a lot to have a good time. For many years, dancers were required to cover their nipples, which for most meant using some sort of transparent latex. Those days are gone fortunately.

Albuquerque has both topless and nude clubs. The nude clubs do not serve alcohol, and in my experience are not worth it. There is no smoking in Albuquerque restaurants or bars, so the clubs here have clean air.

Here are my favorites:

1. TD's North - I think that this is the nicest club in Albuquerque. It is clean, the dancers are of high quality and there are a wide variety to chose from, everything from California silicone blondes to petite Asians. There is no cover during the day, at night it runs $8 I think. Prepare to be wander and have your ID scanned when you enter. A beer is $6, but if you buy it from the hostess it is only $5.75. Tipping is at the stage. Depending on how many customers and dancers there are, one or two stages are open. Floor dances are $10 and are usually pretty good. There are lots of nooks and crannies with benches along the wall for dances. If you don't get what you are expecting move on to another dancer. If the dances are good on the floor, it usually is much better in the VIP room, which costs $25 per dance. On peak hours it costs $20 to enter the VIP room, but at slow times and always during the day, there is no charge for the VIP room. I recommend Diana, May Lee, Iris-san, and Lee for dances. Dancers come over from Phoenix all the time to dance here and you can get great dances from Elena, and Lisa who are from Phoenix. Caterra gives a great dance, but will upset you, so watch out. Catalina gives a great dance on the floor, but it doesn't improve enough in the VIP room to be worth it. TD's is open for lunch and they have specials that are good value. If you are in Albuquerque and don't know where to go to enjoy yourself, go to TD's North.

2. TD"s Eubank is the sister club to TD's North and the policies are similar. I find it a more sterile experience though and all the seats on the floor are on casters, so it is not too conducive to dancing. I don't go here much, but there are lots of regulars who like it better than TD's North. If you don't like TD's North, try TD's Eubank.

3. Knockouts is located downtown, so if you are staying in one of the downtown hotels, it is worth your while to check it out. The club is a notch below the TD's clubs, but still worth visiting. There is no cover during the day. The dancers are a notch below what you will find at TD's as well, but there are always a few worth getting a dance from. Dances are a good bargain, $5 on the floor and $10 in the VIP room. There is a bubble room at $20 a dance, but I have never seen it used. Dances on the floor are good and usually get better in the VIP area. The VIP area is a bit well lit for my taste, but you can still have a good time with the right dancer there. Cashmere, Chloe, Meagan, and Bridgette all give good dances on the floor and great dances in the VIP area. Any of them are worth the trip to the VIP room. Knockouts is a step below the TD's clubs, but worth trying out if you are downtown.

The Nude Clubs are not worth going to in my opinion. Fantasy World, in the back of an adult book store, is pretty sterile and the so-so dancers pretty much just go through the motions. The bouncers patrol the VIP areas at least once a song. The Palm is new in town, but when I went there I was the only patron and there were only 3 girls dancing, none of which was great. They were offering 2 for 1 danes, which I got, but they were no better than what you can get at TD's. I will check the Palm again after they have been open for awhile, but I don't holdout much hope for it.

50 miles or so to the east is Club 203, at the 203 exit to I-40. It is pretty bare bones, appealing to truckers mostly. It is not worth the trouble though. Same with Cheeks in Santa Fe. Not worth the bother unless you happen to be in Santa Fe with nothing else to do.

Have fun while you can! Updates as to ordinance progress as they occur. Nothing yet. Lets hope that freedom of expression wins out.
Atlanta
Dec 2001
Sep '17
10
3,614/5
210/33
91
This comment is a little tardy. Just wanted you to know that I appreciate the effort. ABQ is just not of much interest to most of us but these kinds of articles provide good intel. Thanks.
Dec 2004
Sep '17
8
7/6
97/25
5
Thanks Shadow. I find these reviews about a whole city or area to be more helpful than trying to get the information from separate reviews and then deciding. I used your discussion of Atlanta clubs as a guide. Went there is October and found the information very useful.

If you get to ALbuquerque, send me a PM and I will buy you a drink.

Still no word on the ordinance. I hope it fades into oblivion.
Please or Join to contribute!

More Articles by Harderlap

Dec 2004
Sep '17
8
7/6
97/25
5
August 19, 2017
1
August 19, 2017
A couple of years back, I posted a summary of Albuquerque Strip Clubs with the expectation that some of the visitors to Albuquerque’s famous Balloon Fiesta could use the information. I thought it time to update that summary.

Summary of changes to the Albuquerque strip club scene from the last report:
1. TD’s North is more open and available for fun than it was previously. Its rating is higher.

2. Knockouts is less fun than it was, and although it is still inexpensive, it is not longer the good deal it has been in the past.

3. TD’s Eubank is about the same.

4. I have not been to Fantasy World since my last report, but reports from others suggest it hasn’t changed much, which to say it is an over priced poor experience.

5. Club 203 near Moriarty has closed. Never a good deal, it will not be missed.

Albuquerque is a good, but not great strip club town. It is not an extras town, but they can be found with the right dancer. As usual, just ask. The dancer will likely say no, but you never know. I would say that your probability of getting extras has increased since the last summary I wrote though. The enforcement of strip club rules waxes and wanes in Albuquerque. I think that they are not being enforced too stringently these days. You can tell when the rules are being enforced because the dancers cover their nipples with latex. Part of the ordinance governing strip clubs contains a very old clause that the nipples should be covered, and so transparent latex is the solution. Most dancers will remove the latex if you get a private dance with them. Just mention it. Smoking is not permitted in any of the strip clubs in Albuquerque, nor in any restaurant and many bars.

The attendance at clubs goes up a little during the Balloon Fiesta, but not a great deal. Some dancers come in from out of town in expectations of making a big haul, but most that have tried this say it is not worthwhile. So you are likely to see the dancers that usually dance at clubs, not a lot of imports. There are some that come over from Phoenix and down from Las Vegas during the year, and those are usually here for the Balloon Fiesta as it is not a long trip for them.

Here are my suggestions for clubs to visit, in order of my preference:
1. TD’s North, off I-25 on the east side between the Jefferson and San Mateo exits. This is a clean club, well managed and with responsive help. The dancers range from mediocre in looks to very attractive. There is a variety of ethnicities here in which Latinas and southern California bleach blondes with bolt-ons dominate. There are usually one or two African-Americans and occasionally an asian. On a rare occasion, you may run into a native American. Dances on the floor are $10 and in the VIP $25 with no extra VIP charge. You can usually get a little stick shifting in the floor dances and a lot more in the VIP. If you are not getting what you want in the floor dance, cut your losses and find another dancer. If you like what you are getting in the floor dance, move over to the VIP, things usually get better. If they don’t, cut your losses and repeat. There are two VIP rooms, one with booths and one without. The one with booths is preferred. Bouncers check in once a dance to see which dancer has a customer, but that is all they do. I have never seen them interrupt a dance for untoward activities. Try to sit at a table on the wall as you will get a better floor dance there. There are some nooks and crannies in the club that offer some privacy for floor dances. There is a Champagne Room, but at $275 for half hour, I have not tried it out. Others tell me that with the right dancer it can be worth it.

TD’s North serves food, which is good and inexpensive, but not gourmet quality, and is open for lunch. It is ideal for a midday break as most of the Balloon Fiesta activities take place in the early morning or in the evening.

2. TD’s Eubank, on the east side of Eubank just south of Menaul. This is also a clean club, with similar management and practices to the North club. I don’t go here as often as I find the dancers a bit aloof and the experience not as pleasurable. I have never had a truly great dance here, either on the floor or in the VIP room, but you can get some stick shifting from the right dancer. Others have had great experiences here, so they can be had, I just don’t expect it and I am usually not disappointed. It may be that I just don’t come here enough and the dancers don’t feel comfortable with someone who is not a regular. I think the dancers are a notch lower quality than at TD’s North and the bleach blonde blot-ons and African American Dancers are scarcer. I don’t think I have ever seen an asian dancer here. The dances are similar in price to TD’s North, $10 on the floor and $20 in the Vip area. The VIP area, behind the bar, is not as secluded and private as the one at TD’s North. There is also a VIP room on the second floor, which costs $15 to enter and $25 a dance. I have not done the upstairs VIP room myself, but have heard from others that it is usually not worth the extra up charge over the normal VIP room behind the bar. So, get a firm commitment from the dancer as to what is expected before venturing up there.

They too have food, and it is good and a good value. I wouldn’t go out of my way to eat there, but if you need lunch and a strip club break at the same time, it is a handy choice.

3. Knockouts on Central between 4th and 5th street downtown. If for some reason you are staying downtown this is within walking distance of most of the hotels downtown. At $5 for a floor dance, $10 for a VIP dance and willing dancers, this used to be a bargain club. No longer though. While the prices have remained the same, the dancers have become less willing. The dancers here were never knockouts and are not now either. You will find the occasional gem, but the really good looking ones usually don’t do very good dances. The mix here is mostly Latina, with more African Americans than the TD’s clubs. The dancers here are usually on their way down from one of the two TD’s clubs, or dancing for experience until one of the better clubs will hire them. There is also a VIP room in the back, the Bubble Room, which the dancers try to sell by telling you that there are no cameras there. It is $15 per dance there and from my vantage point, not worth the extra expense.

Knockouts does not serve food and opens in the early afternoon, so don’t make lunch plans there.

4. Fantasy World, on the north side of Jefferson, just east of I-25. This is Albuquerque’s only nude club and hence also no alcohol. I find it a bland experience and haven’t been there in a long time, so some of this information may be old. But, I have not heard anything from anyone to indicate that things have improved. To enter, you pass through an adult book store. The dancers are usually under 21 as they can’t work at a place that serves alcohol until they are 21. As a result, there are a lot of underage under experienced dancers. Dances are $20 in VIP booths in a hall and $25 in the VIP room. A bouncer checks on the dances, often, at least twice a song so there is really no privacy and really no opportunity for extracurricular fun. If you have to have nudity, this is the place, but if you want to have fun dances, look elsewhere.

Resist the urge to visit Cheeks, Santa Fe’s only strip club. There is no fun to be had there and it is a dump.

If you are driving through El Paso on your way to Albuquerque, stop in at the Red Parrot or Cabaret for good times. If you are going through Phoenix, stop in at the Blue Moon or Hiliter. I don’t think that there are any strip clubs in Colorado worth stopping for.

Check the reviews for more specific information.

I hope that this makes your trip to Albuquerque and the Balloon Fiesta more pleasant.
Dec 2004
Sep '17
8
7/6
97/25
5
April 11, 2017
21
August 28, 2017
When I wrote my article on visiting a strip club for the first time, www.tuscl.net, I included the short paragraph:

“The second thing you should realize is that there are exceptions to everything that goes on in a strip club and everything that someone says about what goes on in a strip club. You won’t necessarily get the same experience someone else got, or even the same experience the next time you go, or even from the same dancer. "

And I got the following comment back from Subraman:

“Definitely true. You could write an entire article about just the many facets of this. The fact that you could find a club that's almost always so-so, and just find the right girl, and it's amazing. The fact -- disputed by some, but nevertheless a fact -- that the girls don't all do the same things for everyone for the same price, and in fact might not even do the same thing for YOU for the same price next time you go.”

So after some thought, I decided to write this article about that very subject.

Regulars
In most clubs regulars get better treatment than the guy who only comes in once in awhile or the first time visitor. This should come as no surprise, but it does to some. Dancers know what to expect from a regular and feel comfortable with him. They know he will spend money and what he expects from them. They don’t have to explain rules or boundaries. They know that they he will be back and that they should treat him well or he won’t bother with them the next time. So, become a regular at a club, even if it is only once a month or once every two months. Try to go in at the same time, or when the same dancers are working. But, even regulars don’t get the same treatment every time they go in and some of the reasons are below.

Money and Tipping
There are lots of things that go into the kind of experience you get in a strip club, including some I don’t know about. I think how you spend your money is one big factor. Dancers like tippers, so I tip. First off, I tip all the dancers when they dance on stage. It is a cheap way to get empathy from the dancers. It acknowledges that you realize that the dancers get at least a portion of their income from dancing on stage and that you want to contribute to their income, even if you don’t want a table or private dance from them Also, it makes the dancers that don’t get tipped a lot appreciate you tipping them and in the same manner, appreciate you. And thirdly, it says to the other dancers I am not just into a pretty face or fancy dance moves. I think many, but not all, dancers appreciate the guy who appreciates other dancers by tipping them and hence, all of the other dancers will treat you better. In some clubs, a tip is expected for extras and I do tip on that. But I don’t for just a great dance. If you have tipped before, dancers will remember and be more generous. But they will expect it again. I am not talking exorbitant tips here, or making it rain.

I also think that tipping the wait staff is important. It builds rapport and also helps them to look the other way if you are doing something with a dancer that is strictly against club rules. The waitress is more likely to ignore what you are doing if you have tipped her. Again, I am not talking exorbitant tips to waitresses here, 15% to 25% is fine. Fifty cents on a six dollar beer is not.

I don’t tip bouncers.

If you spend money on dancers when you visit the club, you will get remembered and your experience is likely to be better next time. You don’t need to spend a lot, dancers like even the small spenders if they are reliable and visit often. You will get treated better than the guy who never buys dances when he comes in or the guy who only buys dances from one dancer and then wants to change favorites. If you intended to have a dance with your favorite but she isn’t there, try out some of the other dancers. They will appreciate you for it. Also, dancers tend to think that a guy who just sits and doesn’t get dances doesn’t want dances so they tend to avoid asking him after awhile. If you get stuck in this rut, just ask a dancer for a dance, don’t wait for them to come to you.

Who is in club
Who is in the club also determines what kind of experience you will get. If the house mother or manager is there and wandering around, things are likely to be stricter than if they are not there. If you know what times these people are not there, you will likely have a better experience, Many do not show up early on day shifts or low traffic days. I remember walking into a club early on a Saturday afternoon and one of my favorites who nearly always gave good dances grabbed me almost as soon as I walked in the door. She whispered in my ear, “The manager is gone and there is no one here to watch the cameras, so we can have a good time in the VIP”. I was leery that this was typical stripper BS, but it seemed like too good an opportunity to pass up. As it turned out it was an excellent opportunity and I had the best dances from that dancer I ever had and some of the best ever. But I never had such a good an experience with that dancer again. It was all timing. Some waitresses and dancers will watch other dancers and tell management when they are doing more than they should. If such a dancer is dancing at the next table, or the waitress waiting tables in your area is known to complain about dancers going too far, this will make your experience poorer. If the dancer hasn’t told you what was going on you would never know, you would just think you had a poor dance from a dancer that had an otherwise good reputation. And dancers are likely not to tell you in fear that you will stop buying dances, which you should, and that the next time you come in you will notice the offending dancer or waitperson in your area and not get dances then. Some dancers will suggest you move or go to the VIP to avoid this. Take the hint. Many, though, will just dial back your experience. There is no real effective way to deal with this, but if you got a poor dance from an otherwise usually good dancer, you may wish to move to a different part of the club with different wait staff or a table with fewer neighboring tables, like in a corner next to a wall.

There is a reluctance on many dancers parts to give great dances to strangers, or someone they have never seen in the club before, or someone who looks like he has never been in the club before. Not much you can do about this, except give the club a second chance and hope that someone recognizes you the second time around. Spending money the first time around helps. When in a new club, I usually sit down and observe for a bit before I get dances so I can see how things are in the club. Notice how tipping is done and follow suit, Things to look for, can you hand money directly to the dancer or do you need to place it on stage, can you touch at the stage, if you stay long at the stage are you expected to tip again, or if tipping is even done on stage or it the dancers walk around to receive a tip. Check to see who is giving the best table dances.See whether people get dances on the floor or in the VIP. See who gives the most VIP dances and how long they last. See if the dancers do anything consistent after the VIP dance, like heading to the bathroom or dressing room to freshen up. I have seen a dancer who gives very good VIP dances head for the hand sanitizer after a VIP session. Look to see if they have wait staff or if you have to get your own drink from the bar. Often dancers will ask if you have been in a club before and part of the reason for this is to make sure that you will not cause trouble. I usually say yes, even if I have not been before. Doing your homework on TUSCL helps to answer this question if it gets pushed further, which it doesn’t usually. If you don’t feel like outright lying, say no, but you have been to other clubs in the area. Again TUSCL is your friend. Or say you have, but it has been a long time.

Law Enforcement
There is also fear that a stranger may be law enforcement; not just vice, but also alcohol control commission. So, don’t act like a cop. Act like yourself, a horny strip club customer. If there is concern that law enforcement/alcohol enforcement is in the club, or is actually in the club, your experience will change a lot, and not for the better. Also, if there is fear that law enforcement may show up, like recent raids on other clubs or tightening of alcohol enforcement, your experience will diminish. Often this occurs shortly before or after local and state elections. There isn’t much to do about this though, except to try another time. Some clubs have signals, like playing a particular song or having the DJ make an announcement . Also, I have been in clubs where the housemother went around and told the dancers that LEO were in the club. So if you hear a suspicious song being played at an odd time, or an odd announcement being made, or someone making the rounds whispering something in the dancer’s ears, there may be law enforcement in the club. The dancers or club management may be reluctant to pass the information on to you as you will likely stop buying dances. At one club I went to the uniformed cops on the beat walked in the club and stood in the back for 10 or 15 minutes every couple of hours. I suppose they were on a break. Similarly, I have seen fire fighters stand in the back of a club, presumably to insure that the fire marshall’s occupancy limit is not exceeded. Those are obviously poor times to get a dance, although the dancer may tell you it doesn’t matter.

Time of visit
In many clubs, there is a big difference in the experience you get between the day shift and the evening/night shift, and between week days and weekends, The day shift is often populated by single mothers eager to make a buck quickly and you will often get a better experience then than with evening shift dancers. The night shift is often populated by prima donnas, who think that they may be doing you a favor by dancing for you and as usually the club is busy during the evening/night shift, they can get away with that attitude. Same with weekends, particularly Sunday afternoons and to a lesser extent Saturday afternoons. Those are slow times and dances are likely to be better. Anytime the club is less populated you are likely to get a better dance as there are fewer customers to make money from. Simple supply and demand. Shift changes and times near closing are also productive for good experiences as dancers who haven’t made as much money as they think they should have that night will stretch the limits to put more money in their wallets. If there is a feature dancer and you don’t care about seeing her, when the feature dancer dances is a good time to get a dance as most of the patrons are there to see the feature and the other dancers get ignored.

The time of month can drive your experience, and not just from a physiological standpoint. The times closer to when bills are due are usually good for a great experience. This is usually, but not always around the first of the month. Since strippers don’t usually plan ahead or budget very well, the days after the rent is due are more productive than those before. There is also a seasonal effect: September, back to school expenses for their kids, December, Christmas presents, and January, paying credit card bills, are all good bets to get a good strip club experience. I once had a stripper tell me that she had just bought $75 in candy for her son’s Easter basket and she needed to make the money to pay for it. Great dance from a normally good dancer followed.

Personalities and Quirks
Well, I am treading on thin ice here, but some dancers can change attitudes or personalities quite drastically. Usually over the course of days, weeks, or months, but sometimes just in hours or minutes. I am no amateur psychologist, but I suppose that not unexpected. People with unstable personalities are not usually good prospects for more typical jobs. Alcohol or drugs are sometimes involved. Not much you can do here, but be aware of it. I had great dances from a dancer if I bought her a drink first. She wasn’t drunk, just a bit uninhibited or grateful for the drink, I could never tell. On the other hand I have had dancers approach me that were high or drunk or both and I doubted that they could stay awake during a dance. Obviously avoid those. I have had poor dances from dancers that were angry, usually with management, husbands, day care, landlords, significant others, you name it. If you don’t know what happened, you would think they are always like that. I had a great dance from a dancer that had just gotten out of jail for a DWI. Just be aware of a dancer’s attitude and go with the one’s that are mellow. I have had great dances from dancers that said I reminded them of an ex-boyfriend, musician, or favorite teacher. I suppose reading up on Freud may help here.

Expectations
It doesn’t hurt to set expectations with a dancer before a dance, particularly a VIP dance. Ask what kind of experience you can expect. Ask why it will be different than the dance on the floor. ask what you can do during the dance and what she will do. If you have specific requests make them before you go VIP. If extras are offered, set a price up front. I try to invest in at least a single dance on the floor with a dancer before I go to the VIP room and try to get in some touching or more during that dance so that the dancer knows that I am open to more. But if you don’t make it clear to the dancer what you want, you are less likely to get it as she is just guessing at what you want and how far you want her to go. Often they guess correctly, but not always. Sometimes they will be hesitant to tell you what to expect, as they are afraid of getting into trouble, or you won’t go if she won’t do what you want, but if you sense it will be a good time otherwise, try her for a single dance and if it isn’t what you want call it quits. You will know better next time.

Hygiene
Hygiene is important. Dancers tend to avoid guys that are dirty or smell.Take a shower before you go and put on clean clothes. Brush your teeth and use mouth wash. Suck on a breathe mint. Similarly they don’t like to rub their bodies on dirty clothes. Or rough clothes for that matter, so don’t go in blue jeans or denim jeans. Common sense should prevail here. And it might not be you, it might be the guy you came in with. I have had dancers tell me that another customer smelled so bad she lied about having to go on stage to avoid giving him a second dance.

I am sure that I have missed a few points, but there are enough here to ponder for awhile. Also, I just forgot, some reviewers on TUSCL stretch the truth a bit, so they may not have had the experience they said they had.
Dec 2004
Sep '17
8
7/6
97/25
5
December 12, 2016
11
March 15, 2017
When I first started to write this piece, I intended it to be a guide as to how to get the most out of visiting a new or strange club for the first time when traveling. Then I realized it would probably have broader appeal to people visiting any club for the first time. So here goes. I hope it is a useful piece.

When traveling one gets an opportunity to check out new clubs. Or, a new club may open in your town, or there may be a club in your town that you haven’t been to. Or, you may not have been to a club before. How does one get the most out of visiting a club for the first time? One can just go and see what develops, but being prepared can help one make the most of opportunities available. None of these things I am discussing are novel or earth shattering, but all put together, I hope they will be useful to some.

First off, use TUSCL. You can find clubs in the town you are going to be visiting and sort them by your criteria: overall rating, value, dancer quality, or club atmosphere. Read the reviews to get a feel for the club and to find one or more that is compatible for the strip club experience you are seeking. Note the date of the review as things can change fast in the strip club industry. Find out when they are open and see if that fits with your schedule. Once you have identified a club, or clubs, you want to visit, go to the club’s website. Most of these websites greatly exaggerate the club experience they offer, particularly in terms of the looks of the dancers, so ignore most of what is there and look for a coupon for free or discounted admission. Most clubs offer those coupons on the web and you can use the money saved for dancer tips, another drink, or dances. While you are on the web, jot down the phone number so you can call if you have questions as to directions or hours of operation. Also, many clubs advertise in those free throw away newspapers that are mostly ads and some have coupons in their ad, so check those out as well.

Lots of clubs are tucked away in out of the way places like industrial parks, county backroads, or the second (rear) building on a lot. Most clubs listed on TUSCL have maps along with the reviews and that will help you figure out how to get there. Google maps offer street views that are useful in finding where you are going, but they often blur out strip club signs as part of their desire to keep their offerings non offensive. Go figure. Determine the directions to the club before you leave. If you have a GPS or use Waze, that reduces the chances of getting lost a lot, but they are not infallible. You don’t want to spend time searching for a club when you could be in the club enjoying yourself.

Money drives almost all of what goes on at a strip club. You will be much better off once you realize this. So, make sure that you have enough cash before you get to the club. ATMs at clubs are notorious for charging exorbitant fees to withdraw your own money and although many of them charge under a different name than the establishment, it is still easier to explain an ATM withdrawal from a bank or credit union than from the rawhide lounge or some such. Don’t use a credit card as the opportunities for the club to overcharge it are abundant and you may be reluctant to dispute the charges. If you bring cash, avoid large bills, like 50s or 100s. In a dark club, it is easy to make a mistake in paying and you are better off losing a 20 when you intended to spend a five than a 50 or 100. If you do have these larger bills, spend them right away so you can get change in smaller bills. Be sure you have 5 or 10 ones when you walk in; nothing is worse than wanting to tip a dancer on stage and having to wait for change from the waitress or bar maid and by that time she is gone. I keep my singles separated from my bigger bills so I don’t accidentally tip a $20 when I go for a one. This mistake is easy to do, so avoid it by putting your ones in one pocket and your higher bills in a second pocket in some kind of rational order so you don’t get them mixed up. Before you go, determine how much you want to spend and don’t go over that amount. Leave when it is gone. That little head can do a job on your bank account. There will always be another time to visit and having experienced what is available you can wisely spend money on dancers.

The second thing you should realize is that there are exceptions to everything that goes on in a strip club and everything that someone says about what goes on in a strip club. You won’t necessarily get the same experience someone else got, or even the same experience the next time you go, or even from the same dancer. So don’t write off a club on the basis of one visit, but don’t think it is the greatest thing since Disneyland based on one visit either.

The TUSCL reviews should prepare you at least a bit for what to expect when you get to the club, but as I said earlier, things change in the strip club business, often very fast. Be prepared for wanding or a pat down and scanning of your ID on entrance as that is becoming more common. Most clubs that scan IDs get rid of the scans if you don’t cause trouble or run up a big bill on your credit card. That won’t happen because you aren’t using a credit card. Use your coupon that you clicked from the web site for cover. There is usually a tip jar by whoever is taking the cover and I usually throw in a dollar, even if I got free cover with the coupon. Some don’t tip the door hostess, and I understand that, but I think it reasonable, and if you get a reputation for being a cheapskate at the beginning all bets are off inside the club. The help at a strip club talk and as money is what makes a strip club operate, you don’t want to get a reputation as a cheap skate. So tip when you can. You don’t need to be overly generous, but you shouldn’t be cheap with the tips either.

Many clubs have drink minimums. Some clubs will charge you the drink minimum when you pay the cover and bring you the drinks when you enter. Others include the drink minimum in the cover. Others say that they have a 2 drink or whatever minimum but really don’t have any way of tracking it. If you are tipping well and getting dances, they usually ignore the drink minimum. If you can, I suggest you ignore it too. If you are tipping dancers and perhaps buying a few dances there is no reason why you should also be subject to a drink minimum. Most waitstaff recognize this and won’t push for the drink minimum.

When you enter the club you may well be escorted to a table or seat by the bouncer or other employee. If you don’t like the seat they give you, feel free to get up and sit somewhere else. Usually clubs aren’t too picky about who sits where, but there are exceptions. The bouncer may be trying to fill in empty spots in the club, or getting customers to sit in a particular waitress’s territory, but those are not really concerns of yours. In some clubs there are some spots, like against the walls or in dark corners where if you sit there, they expect you to get dances. Some clubs informally reserve tables for big spenders. If you are asked to move, move, otherwise don’t put too much stock in sitting where they escort you. I like to sit where I can see the whole club, including the entrance to the VIP area so I can see what is happening.

Order a drink and get settled in. Tip your waitress. Clubs are usually dark, so let your eyes get adjusted to the dark, particularly before choosing a dancer for a dance. Observe how the dancers get tipped, whether at the stage or after the dance on a tip walk, and if you can touch the dancer when you give the tip or if you have to leave it for the dancer to pick up. These customs vary from club to club and are not hard to pick up on. Some local ordinances forbid touching the dancer when tipping and others forbid tipping at the stage, hence the tip walk. I try to tip all of the dancers at least once. You don’t have to, but it helps your reputation as a good customer. And that will help improve your strip club experience. The tip walk is an odd thing; I first came across it in San Diego, one of the places that forbid tipping at the stage. After the dancers dance on stage, they visit each table in turn asking for a tip. While this kind of removes the voluntary aspect of tipping, in some cases the dancers have no other choice. As I usually tip every dancer anyway, it doesn’t bother me too much. If you didn’t see the dancer perform, you don’t have to tip, just tell the dancer you didn’t see her. Some will complain, how you deal with that is up to you, but it really isn’t worth a dollar to make a scene.

Observe the dancers giving dances on the floor. Note who gives air dances and who gets up close and personal. You want the up close and personal dancer of course to dance for you. Notice which dancer goes to the VIP often and how long they stay there. You will usually, but not always get a good dance from the dancer who is busy and does a lot of dances at a time. View what a dancer does after she leaves the VIP room. If they head for the bathroom to clean up, that is a good clue as to what went on in the VIP room. In a club I visit there is a dancer who gives very good VIP dances, I know because I have partaken in them. I can always tell if she has given a really great dance in the VIP room by whether or not she heads straight for the Purell dispenser after leaving the VIP room.

You will be approached by dancers for dances. By now your observations of who gets up close and personal and who doesn’t should have paid off. Dancers will sometimes ask you if you have been at the club before. It doesn’t really matter how you answer this question, but I would suggest that you not bring up TUSCL. TUSCL members have a bad reputation from some dancers. Others who know TUSCL will ask what the review says of them or other dancers. You want to avoid those discussions. Some may feel that if you say no, you will be marked as an easy mark or not get as good an experience as those who visit more often. If you say no, expect the dancer to ask how you heard about the club. I would suggest that you tell them that you heard from a friend, in the yellow pages, the concierge at the hotel, or in a throw away paper. Some may feel that if you say yes, then the dancers will know that you know what to expect and then they will deliver accordingly. That may be true, but this answer can lead to further awkward discussion: How often do you come here?, Who have you gotten dances from?, I haven’t seen you here before, and other lines of discussion that you don’t really want to pursue. In the end, it doesn’t really matter, so play it by ear. One of the advantages of saying no is that you can ask questions as to how things work at the club and if the dancer is particularly friendly you may get more information that you would think. If you don’t want a dance from the dancer that sat down with you, tell her no when she asks. Be polite, but don’t be pressured into getting dances from a dancer you don’t want dances from.

You may be asked to buy a drink for the dancer. You are under no obligation to do so, but usually the dancer will leave if you don’t. In some clubs the dancers are expected to sell a certain number of drinks and you can take that into consideration. Some clubs will water down the drinks or serve the dancer something nonalcoholic and overcharge you. In some clubs, the clubs on the Block in Baltimore are a good example of this, buying the dancer a drink is code for having the dancer play with you. Those drinks are small and expensive, but you get more in play than the dancer gets in alcohol.

Get a lap dance on the floor from a dancer if you get good vibes from her. If you like it, repeat or move on to the VIP room. If not, pay the dancer and move on. The dancer will often suggest the VIP room. I always get a dance on the floor first and if that is promising, then agree to go to the VIP room. If the dancer suggests a visit to the VIP room, ask her how the dance there differs from the one on the floor. You will get a variety of answers ranging from vague to explicit, but don’t put too much stock in any of them. I have gotten great VIP dances from those who gave vague answers and poor dances from those who explicitly promised the moon. You really need to find out in person. Still it doesn’t hurt to be specific on what you expect in the VIP room if the club allows what you want. Sometimes the VIP sales job includes touching or nasty talk about of what she wants to do to you and other forms of mild, and not so mild, seduction or touching. These are a better indication of what you will get in the VIP room, but are no guarantee of what will go on, although in some clubs if you don’t get this kind of encouragement it really points to a bad dance coming up.

During the first lap dance, either on the floor or in the VIP room, you are trying to establish how much fun you can have. Experiment with light touching but don’t go overboard or be too aggressive. If she doesn’t like it, or won’t permit touching, she will tell you and you will probably want to move on to another dancer. If she doesn’t protest, you can try more touching and in more opportune spots. She may tell you that you need to visit the VIP room for more touching and that may or may not be the case, but it is probably worth at least one dance in the VIP room if she appeals to you and has given you a good lap dance on the floor. If it doesn’t get better in the VIP room, cut your losses and move on to another dancer.

Some clubs will require you to pay for a VIP dance before you get it. Sometimes that is a club rule and sometimes it is a state or local regulation. The purpose of that is to prevent the dancers from setting their own prices, underreporting dances to reduce the house take on the dances or receiving tips, particularly for extras. The advice here is not to prepay for more than one dance if you don’t know the dancer. Then if you like it, pay for more. If you don’t, you have only lost the cost of a dance. Some clubs charge a VIP admission fee, usually $10 or $20. This is usually good for the whole night. Sometimes they give you a wrist band to track you, other times, they just go by memory.

The mileage you get from a dancer in a lap dance will vary a lot from dancer to dancer, club to club, state to state, city to city, time of day, and who is working, not only the dancers, but also the bouncers, wait staff, bar tenders and floor managers. If you get a lot of touching, that is a good sign, but it is no guarantee that all dancers will touch that much or that it will be that way every time from every dance. In general, the more the dancer touches you, the more you can touch her, but some clubs strictly limit touching of the dancers by the customers while allowing the dancers lots of freedom in touching. Whatever you do, don’t tell the dancer who limits your contact that you get higher mileage from other dancers. That may get the dancer who allows a lot of touching in trouble, either with management or with other dancers. If that gets back to the permissive dancer, then you have killed the goose that lays the golden egg.

Some dancers and clubs will expect you to tip the dancer if you have had a good lap dance experience. Do it if you feel you want to, as often you can’t get a great experience without tipping. Sometimes the dancer will ask after the dance. Sometimes they will tell you what they expect for a tip before the dance. I usually tip the price of a dance if I had had more than 3 or 4 great dances, but often I don’t tip if the dancer doesn’t ask. If a dancer asks for a tip and you don’t tip, you likely won’t get great dances from that dancer again.

Don’t expect the same treatment as regulars get. Dancers will generally push the limits with regular customers, or customers that they have seen in the club before. They know that these are safe customers, not law enforcement, pathetic losers, or creeps. They feel more comfortable with a familiar face or familiar whatever.

Treat the dancers with respect, but that doesn’t mean you can’t push the limits. Just stop when they ask you to. Remember that they are working for tips and their cut of the dance money. I think you should tip every dancer at least once, and if a particular dancer doesn’t appeal to you politely decline a dance and don’t insult the dancer.

Don’t expect extras the first time you visit a club, unless you are in a city and/or club that is noted for them. You can ask for them or suggest them, but don’t be disappointed if the dancer says no. On the other hand, there are some clubs and some cities in which it is hard not to get extras. Reading the reviews and discussions here at TUSCL will tell which clubs that have extras are where.

You also shouldn’t expect to get a dancer to see you outside the club (OTC) on the first visit either. There are exceptions though, usually at certain clubs in certain cities. So, it doesn’t hurt to ask, if you are polite about it and don’t push, the worst that will happen is you will be told no. Sometimes, although rarely, a dancer who says no will send over a dancer that is more agreeable, but don’t expect that either. If you want to see a dancer OTC, just ask, there is no sense in confusing the issue. There are no secret code words or phrases for OTC. Ask her if you can do more than is allowed in the club, ask if she does private dances outside the club, ask if she would like to have dinner with you, or drinks after the club closes, or whatever. Again, if youi are polite about it, the worse that will happen is that she will say no.

If are visiting a strange club in a strange city, have a plan B if the club is not to your liking. Go somewhere else, but to do that you should really line up alternate clubs first. Use TUSCL and the web to identify more than one club you want to visit. Get the coupons from the web, download the addresses and know where you are going. There is no guarantee that the new club will be any better, but at least you tried. At most you will be out the cover charge and an initial drink at the first club.

Finally, write a review for TUSCL on your club visit. Be specific about the club details and whether or not you enjoyed it. That way, others can benefit from your experience as you have benefited from other TUSCLer’s reviewers. If you got extras or OTC, be discreet about mentioning it in the review and don’t name names when talking about explicit acts. That could get the dancer in trouble, or the club in trouble with the law.

Enjoy your visit and don’t forget to tell us about it. Your first visit to a strip club
Dec 2004
Sep '17
8
7/6
97/25
5
September 28, 2015
12
November 1, 2015
If you are visiting Albuquerque for the Balloon Fiesta you can have fun in several strip clubs. While Albuquerque is not a destination strip club city, I think the clubs are above average for the US and well worth visiting.

If you are going to the balloon fiesta, you will be getting up early in the morning as most of the action is early in the morning. You don’t want to miss the dawn patrol, which means getting up well before sunrise. Driving to the balloon fiesta is possible, and there are plenty of parking spots, but getting there can be crowded and sometimes a bit convoluted. I suggest taking one of the buses which are quick and relatively painless. You can buy the bus ticket on line and print it out so it is really easy. The buses leave from several locations in Albuquerque, usually shopping centers with large parking lots. There are also evening events, like the balloon glow, so that pretty much leaves only the day to go clubbing.

Albuquerque is not an extras city, but you can find them with the right dancer under the right conditions. Just don’t go expecting them. If you are driving to Albuquerque and want to partake in extras check out The Red Parrot and Cabaret in El Paso if you are driving from the east, and The Blue Moon in Phoenix if you are driving from the west.

The strip clubs in Albuquerque get a modest bump in attendance during the balloon fiesta, so there are some dancers that visit from Phoenix and Las Vegas for the fiesta. Still the clubs will not be too crowded in the day.

Here are my favorite clubs:

TD’s North - There are two TD’s clubs in Albuquerque and I prefer North. It is bigger and better laid out. The dancers here are a bit more high end than at the other clubs in town and you will find more of the southern California type blonde with fabricated tits here if you are into that. However, there is usually a good variety of dancers here, always a few African Americans, lots of Hispanics, and a few Asians. Drinks are modestly expensive, $5.75 for a bottle of beer. Service is good and the lunches are cheap and adequate, but not high cuisine. There is usually no cover during the day and if you go in the evening when there is a cover, you can print out a coupon from the internet for free admission. Tipping is at the rail, a dollar is customary and you might get a little touch or not, depending on the dancer. Dances on the floor are $10. If you want one, try to find a table on the wall. There are some nooks and crannies in the club that give more privacy than other locations. In the VIP room dances are $25 per song. There are two VIP rooms, one with couches and one with booths. I prefer the one with booths, it is a bit more private. Due to local ordinances, there are no doors on the VIP rooms, but there is OK Privacy none the less. The bouncer will visit the VIP room once during a song to check who is giving dances, but that is it. They are not intrusive. So, the VIP dances are usually high mileage. If you don’t get high mileage during the first dance, stop and find another dancer. I like Diane, Hyrasin, and Mystique for VIP room dances. They tend to put in extra effort. If Elena comes over from Phoenix, she also gives good VIP dances. If you can only visit one club in Albuquerque, I recommend TD’s North.

TD’s Eubank (also known as TD’s Gold) - I think the TD’s Eubank location is a notch below TD’s North, so I don’t get there very often. I find the club layout not too conducive to good floor dances, there aren’t many nooks and crannies to offer privacy. Tipping is at the stage and you may get a bit extra, but don’t expect it. There are two VIP areas, one behind the bar with booths and one upstairs. I haven’t been to the one upstairs, but the one behind the bar offers some privacy and I have gotten good dances there, but not on a par with TD’s North in my experience. That may be because I don’t go that often. The VIP dances are $25. I don’t get here often enough to have any favorites here, so I can’t make any recommendations. Tipping is at the stage. There is no cover during the day, and if you go at night you can print out a coupon from the internet. There are a variety of dancers here too, but I think their looks are a notch down from the North club. Still you can have a lot of fun here and I recommend the club if you are staying in that part of town. They also offer lunch, and I think the food is just adequate, but it is inexpensive. Drinks are on the high side.

Knockouts - Knockouts is located downtown, so if you are staying downtown it is worth visiting. The dancers here are a substantial step down from the two clubs above and are usually on their way out of the business, or can’t get hired at the TD’s clubs. The up side is that the floor dances are only $5 and VIP dances $10. I have had some good times here, but not in the last year or so, so I can’t make any recommendations on dancers. At the price of dances though, you may find one to your liking without investing a lot. Drinks are cheap and tipping is at the stage, which doesn’t get you much of anything special. There is no cover during the day and there is no food here. There is a small cover in the evening, but there are no coupons available on their web site. Knockouts opens at 2:00PM, but often there aren’t dancers there until later and things are pretty sparse until 4:00 or so. Dancers here are mostly Hispanic and African American. Some times you will find a real gem here, but they are usually just biding their time until they can get hired by one of the other clubs. You won’t spend a lot of money here.

Fantasy World - Fantasy World is the only nude club in Albuquerque. There is no alcohol served. You have to go through an adult book store to get to the club. It doesn’t open until 600PM, so it is an evening/late night club. The dancers are usually younger than 21 because they can’t work in one of the clubs that serves alcohol. In my experience most of the dancers seem reallyy detached so it is really a rather sterile experience. The VIP area is a row of booths and a bouncer checks several times during a song, so in my experience the VIP sessions are not worth it. In fact, I think the whole club is not worth it and all of the topless clubs offer a better experience in my opinion. Still, if you want nude it is the only option.

You may be tempted to go to Cheeks in Santa Fe, but that is a pretty bland experience in my opinion. Club 203 is east of Albuquerque near Moriarty, but it too is not worth the trip. Stay in Albuquerque.

There is a Peep Show on Rio Bravo, and if that is your thing, you may like it, but it is a pretty dingy place and with a sheet of glass between you and the dancer; not too intimate experience in my opinion.

I don’t do OTC, but have been offered it occasionally over the years. I suspect that if you ask, it is likely available from the right dancer under the right circumstances, but I wouldn’t expect it as a matter of course. Still, it does’t hurt to ask.

You can find more information on Albuquerque Strip Clubs in the reviews on TUSCL, which are fairly accurate in my opinion. You will have a good time in the Albuquerque Strip Clubs, just don’t expect an Atlanta/Detroit/Tampa/El Paso experience and you won’t be disappointed.
Dec 2004
Sep '17
8
7/6
97/25
5
August 9, 2012
7
March 7, 2017
Going to strip clubs is expensive. Nobody is going to argue that. But there are ways to make your money last longer and to have more fun at a club for the same amount of money. Here are some suggestions:

1.Don't be cheap. Spend your money wisely, but don't be a skinflint. In particular, be a good tipper. If you are not a good tipper, you will get a reputation for being cheap and once you have that reputation, you won't have as much fun in the club. Dancers and waitresses treat cheap customers differently than those that spend reasonably. You don't need to be a big spender though.

a. Tip every dancer, whether you find her attractive or not, whether you want a dance from them or not, and most importantly, even if you want to spend the money on something else, like a lap dance or the VIP room. Tipping every dance will get you a good reputation with not only the dancers that don't generally get tipped much, but also the dancers who do get tipped. The ones who do get tipped a lot will recognize that you respect the profession as well as the individual dancer and that will go a long way towards establishing a good relationship with all the dancers. Figure out how much money you will need to tip every dancer and set that aside. When it is gone, leave, or reallocate resources.

b. Tip the waitstaff. Waitresses and bar tenders will respect you for this and make your life in the club more enjoyable. If you stiff the help, they can make your life in the club miserable. Again don't be cheap. Lots of times you have a choice of tipping low, or tipping high. When in doubt tip high. Say you order a $5.50 drink. You can pay with $6 and tell the waitress to keep the change. That is a low tip by any standards. Or you can give her $7 and tell her to keep the change. That is a generous tip.

c. Don't sit at the stage without tipping every dancer every dance. If you can't afford to do this, don't sit at the stage. Sit away from the stage and walk up to the stage to tip. But you should still tip every dancer.

d. Buy something. Don't sit there without a drink. It is OK to nurse a drink, but when it is empty, you should order another one after a reasonable period. the exception to this rule is if the club has a drink minimum, then I figure after you have bought the minimum, you don't owe them anything.

2. Use the TUSCL reviews to scope out a midscale club in your area. The high scale clubs usually cost more, and often don't offer as good an experience as the mid scale clubs. They also often have extra hidden charges, such as valet parking or a bathroom attendant you need to tip. Most reviews in TUSCL list such things as cover, drink, and dance prices. Use these as a guide. There is also a value rating, which can serve as a guide as well, but I have found it varies significantly from city to city. I don't suggest staring out with a low scale club; there are values there, but if you get a bad one on the first try, it may turn you off from clubbing. Save the low scale ones for after you get some club experience.

3. Check the club's internet site or your local throw away paper for coupons. Often clubs will offer free admission or some money off on a cover charge. Use it.

4. See if there is reduced cover or no cover on some days. Often clubs will reduce or eliminate cover during the day or all day on slow days. This is often listed on their web sites, or in one of the throw away newspapers. Or take note when you enter the club, these events are often posted.

5. Take advantage of drink specials. Clubs often run drink specials during happy hours or at different times during the day. Take note of when the special drink offer is made, these are often repeated periodically, say every hour or half hour. Time your drinking to be nearly empty when the next one occurs.

6. Watch the dancers to see who gives the best lap dance. If you are trying to make your money go a long way, I would avoid getting a dance from a dancer I have not seen give a dance to another customer. Often the number of dances in a row that a guy gets will give a hint as to the dancers ability to give a good dance. So pay attention,without being obvious, to how the dancers perform for other guys.

7. Be careful of buying a dancer a drink. Some clubs jack up the prices on dancer's drinks and some dancers order exotic drinks, so you need to beware of this. If you like the dancer and you want to get a dance from here, just say no, how about a lap dance instead when the waitress asks if you want to buy the dancer.

8. Don't be afraid to say no. Many dancers are persistent, but if you don't want a dance from them just say no. You aren't obligated to get a dance from all who offer, and not getting a dance from a dancer you don't really want to get a dance from will burn through your money faster.

9. While VIP dances can be a lot of fun, they are also most expensive, so choose wisely before going down this path. If you want to make your money go a long way, don't get a VIP dance from a dancer you haven't gotten a good or great lap dance from on the floor. If the first dance in the VIP room isn't what you expect, stop it there. Don't chase good money after bad.

10. Speaking of VIP dances, many clubs charge money to get in to the VIP area. If your club does this, check to see if there are times when the cover is waived. Go then.

11. Go at lunch time. You need to eat anyway, so go to a club that offers lunch. The lunches at clubs are usually not expensive, and if you are checking out a club and don't want to be bothered by dancers, telling them that you are waiting for lunch or are eating inch usually is a good excuse to not get a dance. Plus your time is limited to your lunch hour, so you can;t dally and spend a lot of money.

12. Go during a slow time, usually in the day during the week. You will get more attention for your money from both the dancers and the waitstaff. Dancers are usually eager to make money and you may get a better experience than at other times.

13. Keep your strip club money separate from the rest of your cash. When it is gone leave. Watch what you are spending. Get in the habit of looking at every bill you spend before you spend it. While the dancer will be happy if you accidentally tip her a $10 instead of a $1, you will not be. Before I tip a dancer I fold the bill in thirds lengthwise with the "one" facing out so I know what I am spending. I keep dollars for tipping in one pocket and money for dances and drinks in another pocket.When that is gone I leave. See 14.

14. When you run out of money, finish your drink and leave. You will regret using a credit card or ATM card. That is a good way to spend money without due consideration. ATM charges are usually astronomical. Credit cards are often over charged.Plus the charges are usually to a weird name and although not usually associated with a strip club, they can raise questions if someone else is scrutinizing your card statement.

How much to bring? Well as a minimum, you will need cover, the price of a couple of drinks, plus tips, and enough money to tip every dancer, say a $1 every 4 or 5 minutes while you are there. This is a barebones experience and will probably run you $40 to $50 or more at most clubs, depending on how long you stay, what the cover is and so on. If you want lap dances add the cost of those. The amount you need to bring will climb fast. Same with VIP dances.

Go to a few clubs and see how you like them Every club has a different personality and you will probably feel more comfortable at one than another. You will see how far your money goes at each. Write a couple of honest reviews for TUSCL so the rest of us can benefit from your knowledge. Posting a review or article will get you a month free VIP membership and save you a few bucks.

If you find it costs more to have a good time than you bring, then save up your money and don't go as often. Build up a club fund in a envelope in the desk, or in that secret compartment in your wallet. Put a $20 in it every pay day. Get an extra $10 or $20 when you go to an ATM and put that in your fund. If you use a debit card to make purchases get $10 or $20 cash back every other time you use it and add that to your fund.

Having said all that, realize that money is the motivation for nearly everything that goes on at a strip club. This goes for the club owners and management, the wait staff, and the dancers. If you don't understand something that goes on in a club, try to think of it in terms of money. You will usually understand it better.

More Articles

Jun 2008
Sep '17
9
207/4
61/38
16
September 19, 2017
2
September 19, 2017
As some of you have realised I made a second trip to New Zealand for three weeks from late Aug to mid Sept. Here's a brief overview of how I found things on my second trip.

Prostitution still remains legal in NZ. In my view this has pluses and minuses, the plus is you don't have to worry about getting busted as you guys say over there, personally I have never worried about it myself. There's also easy access to many working girls either through high street massage parlours or through many ads that can be found in daily newspapers or online. There's also street walkers in certain parts of the town after nightfall.

The minuses are that I believe legalising it means all the 4's and upwards think they are super models and finding a true beauty is much harder to find. In London there are enough girls that you could have one 10 a day every day of the year and still have more to choose from.

Backpage Auckland works well, the standard is a bit iffy but I managed to see an ad for a European Kiwi girl and her ad was really catching so I called her. I was captivated by her during our chat and after an evening at 'The White House' saw her. She was every bit as good as I had hoped and more, exceptional value at NZ$ 200 for an hour.

Be careful what you wish for if you want to see prostitution legalised in the U.S.A.
Sep 2005
Sep '17
10
91/6
232/59
8
August 29, 2017
31
September 19, 2017
"You smell nice." How many times have we heard this line, thinking it was "stripper shit" ? Maybe so, but IMHO, there is some degree of truth to this. I think they mainly appreciate that you (we) bothered to shower and put something nice smelling on prior to club visit. Still, not all fragrances are created equal. Which ones seemed to garner the greatest percentage of positive reactions, and which ones kept dancers one zip code away from you ?

Before I dive into the meat of the article, a word about terminology. Notice that title said "Fragrances." Men's fragrances are often called colognes, and women's fragrances perfumes. Technically, all fragrances are diluted perfume oil to varying degrees. The 3 most common concentrations are as follows:
1) Eau De Cologne-(EDC)- 2% to 5% perfumed oil
2) Eau De Toilette- (EDT)- 4% to 10% perfumed oil
3) Eau De Parfum- (EDP)- 8% to 15% perfumed oil
There is some overlap between categories. Indeed, I have seen some EDT's with greater projection and longevity than EDP's. Just another reason to try before buy, and not get taken in by hype or higher classification.

Now for the meat of the article, I have broken down the fragrances into 3 groups. Group A are fragrances that I personally like, AND have garnered the strongest positive remarks/ highest percentage of compliments. Not just "you smell nice", but going so far as asking what it is I'm wearing. Saying things like "you smell so damn nice", "I don't want you wearing anything else", etc. Group B are fragrances that either got a good amount of mundane "you smell nice" comments, or else didn't get that many, but the few they did get were a stronger positive reaction. Group C are fragrances that I like, but either elicited virtually no complements, or got mixed reviews. Group A is ranked in order, Group B and C in no particular order.

GROUP A: Reyanne Insurrection Pure 2, Bleu de Chanel, Polo Blue, Joop Night Flight, Ferrari Essence Oud.

Insurrection Pure 2 was far and away the leader. I've had 2 dancers at different clubs ask me if I was wearing Creed Aventus (a $300 plus fragrance, very well reviewed). IP2 only cost me ~ $25 online, so some good bang for buck there. The other 4 were well complimented too.

GROUP B: Polo Black, Dolce & Gabbana The One, Mont Blanc Individuel, Perry Ellis M, Perry Ellis 360 Black, CE Bigelow Elixir Blue, Issey Miyake Bleu. The last one is one of my favorites that didn't get that many compliments, but one dancer flat out called it a Pantie Dropper.

GROUP C: Cartier Roadster, Boucheron Jaipur Homme, Givenchy Gentlemen Only, Halston 1-12. The later (H 1-12) got a few basic compliments, but one night a dancer asked me if I was wearing Old Spice. (Translation- "you smell like an old man") Roger that, I confine H1-12 to church and appointments with my financial advisor.

WHERE TO BUY: Even in today's online world, I suspect a lot of people still want to try, and buy off the shelf. For people living within 5 miles of a major mall, Macy's, Sephora, etal, are no-brainer choices. For many people, it comes down to "Wally World." (Walmart or Walgreen's). The later because you live in a small town, or you're on a trip, and the only place you can find open for your 10pm club visit is, well, "Wally World." Amazon is a very obvious choice for online buying. You can get many fragrances amazingly cheap there. They carry many that you just can't find in department stores. One downside to blind buying is many online retailers don't accept returns, though in 2 cases I managed to at least get a partial credit of sorts.

FRAGRANCE WEBSITES: I would suggest www.fragrantica.com or www.basenotes.net. Either site is good for being an educated consumer, with reviews and forum sections. IMHO, Amazon reviews aren't that helpful because most of the people writing the reviews already like the fragrance and are utilizing Amazon as the best place to buy for cheap. Those 2 aforementioned sites have many avid fragrance enthusiasts on board who like trying every fragrance under the sun, and aren't bashful about expressing their opinions, good or bad. One reviewer samples the fragrances in the mall to kill time while his wife is shopping. He must have written over 200 reviews.

SOME TRAVEL AND BUYING TIPS

Those of us who do any amount of airline travel know about the 3oz rule for carry on liquids. I personally prefer 1 oz or less in carry on. I'm not a big fan of decants (often 1 to 2 ml.) One thing I noticed about air travel is that multiple cabin altitude cycles makes the fragrance noticeably stale. It takes a few days to recover to normal. In several cases, I wouldn't bother taking fragrance, but instead would go to "Wally World", and get a small travel size bottle to smell fresher for my club visits.
Lastly, whatever you do, don't rely on paper strip spray samples for purchase decision. Try it on your skin for at least an hour to see how it develops over time. In one case, I was initially enamored by the rich honey like opening in one sample. After 45 minutes or so, it took on a fertilizer like odor that just would not go away.

SOME CONCLUSIONS: Although YMMV caveat applies to fragrances too, it seems like dancers generally respond more favorably to Aquatic Type fragrances, versus Oriental, Spicy, Fougere, etc. I hope this article provided some enlightenment, please feel free to share your stories.
Operating Coast to Coast
Nov 2009
Sep '17
10
262/5
261/192
22
August 19, 2017
23
September 17, 2017
Some strip club patrons see a smart phone as a bulky accessory that they’d rather not carry around inside of a strip club. For me, my smart phone is a toolbox that allows me to play the strip club game at a higher level. In this article, I will describe a few apps that I use during my strip club adventures and how they are useful.

1. Shazam is a music identification app that uses your phone’s microphone to identify songs. I use a setting on Shazam known as Auto Shazam where you can have the app automatically run during the duration of time you are at the strip club. It identifies and generates a play list of every song that was played and how long ago it was played. The value in using Auto Shazam is that you can use it to fight back against Rob's that over count songs.

Take for example a recent incident I had inside a club: I did four songs in the private dance area with a dancer. She tried to claim we were in the lap dance area for six songs. I flipped my phone on and showed her the play list that Auto Shazam had put together. I said, “Look, the first song you danced for me was ‘Purple Rain’, then we did two more songs, ‘Cream’ and ‘Kiss’, and finally finished on ‘When Doves Cry’. The dancer was flabbergasted that I was counting the songs not only in my head, but had visual proof on my smart phone. She backed down from her position and seemed embarrassed that I caught her in a lie. If she would have kept arguing, I would have taken my data from Auto Shazam to the manager, encouraging him to verify the song order with the DJ and even check the clubs cameras until I was vindicated.

The only flaw of Shazam is that it might not be able to identify extremely rare music that is not commercially available. But since every strip club I have ever stepped foot in plays commercial music very loudly, Auto Shazam has worked flawlessly. An added bonus of using Shazam is that if you hear a song that you like at the strip club, you can identify the artist and title and instantly buy it from iTunes or Google Play with one click.

2. The most common question I get on TUSCL is: “How are you able to remember so many details about a club and write such detailed reviews?” The app that facilitates my profusion of strip club intelligence is called Color Note. The Color Note app is essentially the neon Post-it Notes many of us use at the office and at home, only adapted to a smart phone. I use Color Note to type up my observations and experiences in the clubs I visit during lulls in the action. Many of the details I would otherwise forget had I not taken notes during my visit. When it is time to write a review, I open up the Color Note app and use my documentation to write a TUSCL review with detailed observations, tips, price schemes, and descriptions and ratings of specific dancers.

3. A lot of the strip clubs I go to in rural areas or smaller cities do not have full time DJ. Music is played off of jukeboxes. TouchTunes has by far the largest share of the digital jukebox market. They have an app that allows one to control the jukebox via their phone rather than physically using the touchscreen on the jukebox. One feature of this app is that you can see what the next few songs to play will be. As you gain higher prestige levels on the app, you get to see more songs waiting in the queue. I currently have enough prestige on my TouchTunes account to see the next five songs lined up to be played. If there are long songs coming up, you go get lap dances. If there are short songs about to be played, you delay on heading back for private dances.

Since clubs with jukeboxes typically make the dancers pay out of their own pockets for the songs that they dance to, dancers try to get customers to give them a couple bucks to pay for their songs. Instead of handing them dollars, get them to sit down at your table and help them pick their songs off the TouchTunes app. This allows you to flirt with the dancer for a bit, and you can sway her to play songs with longer abjurations. Another added benefit of playing the songs off the TouchTunes app versus the physical jukebox is the per song cost is cheaper when you buy a pack of credits through the app.

One particular night I was in a rural cabaret, and the dancers were not interested in parting with three dollars every time they were called up on stage, since they were not making much money to begin with. I loaded my TouchTunes account with a bulk amount of credits and became DJ Sinclair for the entire evening. Under normal circumstances, I would not recommend playing songs on the jukeboxes without consulting the dancers who will be dancing to them. Many dancers are extremely picky about the songs they dance to. Keep in mind, all establishments with TouchTunes jukeboxes have a remote for the jukebox that can be used to skip over unwanted songs. The second biggest player in the digital jukebox market is AMI Entertainment. This company also has an app to control their jukeboxes from smart phones.

4. A stopwatch app is typically a standard application on most smart phones. If you do not happen to have one by default on your smart phone, Simple Stopwatch is a good supplemental. A stopwatch is a useful gauge for determining the time value of private dance options. Take for example a strip club that offers thirty minutes of VIP time for $150 or private dances for $20 per song. You could use your stopwatch app to determine what the average song lengths are. If songs are approximately four minutes in length, value comes out equal. If songs are under four minutes, say three minutes to three and a half minutes, the VIP time is a better value. If individual songs are playing for over four minutes, say four and a half minutes to five minutes, then buying dances by the song is a better value.

The most often cases where I have used a stopwatch app in strip clubs are when I indulge in set-length private rooms or VIP sessions (e.g. thirty minutes or twenty minutes). Many clubs and dancers like to cut patrons short on the time they thought they were getting. Often bouncers will show up before the time duration is finished, or dancers will try to bug out early. I will start the stopwatch when the private time commences, put the screen face down on a table, and check it when a dancer or club staff member tells me time is up. If I have been shorted time, I just show them the stopwatch that I have been covertly running. Usually this is enough evidence to keep other parties from shorting me.

Make sure to use a stopwatch app, which counts upwards, and not a timer app that counts down. Timers set off alarms when the time duration expires. Occasionally, club staff or dancers, whichever is keeping track of time, will not be paying attention and your VIP session may go longer than the duration you paid for. For example, the last I did a thirty minute room, the VIP hostess got caught up with other duties, and my session went thirty-seven minutes rather than the thirty minutes I bargained for, according to my stopwatch app. If I would have used a timer app, an alarm would have been set off and I would have screwed myself out of seven minutes of bonus time.

5. Six or seven years ago, if you asked me how what was the best way to keep in touch with dancers from the club, I would have told you Google Voice. Nowadays, I would recommend Snapchat as the number one option. I have yet to meet one stripper, or young person under thirty, who does not have Snapchat on their phone. Snapchat is a photo and video sharing app that also allows instant messaging and video chat. Snapchat can be used anonymously as long as you do not allow the app to access your phone’s contacts and opt out of the Snap Map feature. For an extra layer of security, sign up using a burn phone number and a burn email address. On Snapchat, you simply create a user name and that is it. One does not need to maintain an online identity like one does on Facebook.

The fact that you can view sexy photos and videos from your strippers and communicate with private messages, while keeping as anonymous as the two of you desire, makes Snapchat a very fun app. It is interesting to see vignettes of strippers’ lives outside of work that they post to their story. You learn a little bit about what their hobbies and interests are, and that makes conversing easier when you socialize in person. In the case that a stripper does not want to share their Snapcode or user name, fall back on Google Voice or any other burn number app.

From traveling around the United States to over two hundred gentlemen’s clubs, I have seen about twenty percent of strip clubs openly trying to discourage smart phone use in their establishments via signage. About eight to ten percent of strip clubs strictly enforce a “no phone” policy by way of sending bouncers after any offenders. In these instances, a vestibule, a patio, or the pisser might be the only places where one can use their smart phone, essentially preventing one from using their strip club toolbox. Feel free to share information about any apps that help you find value or gather intelligence in your strip club adventures.
Dec 2004
Sep '17
8
7/6
97/25
5
August 19, 2017
1
August 19, 2017
A couple of years back, I posted a summary of Albuquerque Strip Clubs with the expectation that some of the visitors to Albuquerque’s famous Balloon Fiesta could use the information. I thought it time to update that summary.

Summary of changes to the Albuquerque strip club scene from the last report:
1. TD’s North is more open and available for fun than it was previously. Its rating is higher.

2. Knockouts is less fun than it was, and although it is still inexpensive, it is not longer the good deal it has been in the past.

3. TD’s Eubank is about the same.

4. I have not been to Fantasy World since my last report, but reports from others suggest it hasn’t changed much, which to say it is an over priced poor experience.

5. Club 203 near Moriarty has closed. Never a good deal, it will not be missed.

Albuquerque is a good, but not great strip club town. It is not an extras town, but they can be found with the right dancer. As usual, just ask. The dancer will likely say no, but you never know. I would say that your probability of getting extras has increased since the last summary I wrote though. The enforcement of strip club rules waxes and wanes in Albuquerque. I think that they are not being enforced too stringently these days. You can tell when the rules are being enforced because the dancers cover their nipples with latex. Part of the ordinance governing strip clubs contains a very old clause that the nipples should be covered, and so transparent latex is the solution. Most dancers will remove the latex if you get a private dance with them. Just mention it. Smoking is not permitted in any of the strip clubs in Albuquerque, nor in any restaurant and many bars.

The attendance at clubs goes up a little during the Balloon Fiesta, but not a great deal. Some dancers come in from out of town in expectations of making a big haul, but most that have tried this say it is not worthwhile. So you are likely to see the dancers that usually dance at clubs, not a lot of imports. There are some that come over from Phoenix and down from Las Vegas during the year, and those are usually here for the Balloon Fiesta as it is not a long trip for them.

Here are my suggestions for clubs to visit, in order of my preference:
1. TD’s North, off I-25 on the east side between the Jefferson and San Mateo exits. This is a clean club, well managed and with responsive help. The dancers range from mediocre in looks to very attractive. There is a variety of ethnicities here in which Latinas and southern California bleach blondes with bolt-ons dominate. There are usually one or two African-Americans and occasionally an asian. On a rare occasion, you may run into a native American. Dances on the floor are $10 and in the VIP $25 with no extra VIP charge. You can usually get a little stick shifting in the floor dances and a lot more in the VIP. If you are not getting what you want in the floor dance, cut your losses and find another dancer. If you like what you are getting in the floor dance, move over to the VIP, things usually get better. If they don’t, cut your losses and repeat. There are two VIP rooms, one with booths and one without. The one with booths is preferred. Bouncers check in once a dance to see which dancer has a customer, but that is all they do. I have never seen them interrupt a dance for untoward activities. Try to sit at a table on the wall as you will get a better floor dance there. There are some nooks and crannies in the club that offer some privacy for floor dances. There is a Champagne Room, but at $275 for half hour, I have not tried it out. Others tell me that with the right dancer it can be worth it.

TD’s North serves food, which is good and inexpensive, but not gourmet quality, and is open for lunch. It is ideal for a midday break as most of the Balloon Fiesta activities take place in the early morning or in the evening.

2. TD’s Eubank, on the east side of Eubank just south of Menaul. This is also a clean club, with similar management and practices to the North club. I don’t go here as often as I find the dancers a bit aloof and the experience not as pleasurable. I have never had a truly great dance here, either on the floor or in the VIP room, but you can get some stick shifting from the right dancer. Others have had great experiences here, so they can be had, I just don’t expect it and I am usually not disappointed. It may be that I just don’t come here enough and the dancers don’t feel comfortable with someone who is not a regular. I think the dancers are a notch lower quality than at TD’s North and the bleach blonde blot-ons and African American Dancers are scarcer. I don’t think I have ever seen an asian dancer here. The dances are similar in price to TD’s North, $10 on the floor and $20 in the Vip area. The VIP area, behind the bar, is not as secluded and private as the one at TD’s North. There is also a VIP room on the second floor, which costs $15 to enter and $25 a dance. I have not done the upstairs VIP room myself, but have heard from others that it is usually not worth the extra up charge over the normal VIP room behind the bar. So, get a firm commitment from the dancer as to what is expected before venturing up there.

They too have food, and it is good and a good value. I wouldn’t go out of my way to eat there, but if you need lunch and a strip club break at the same time, it is a handy choice.

3. Knockouts on Central between 4th and 5th street downtown. If for some reason you are staying downtown this is within walking distance of most of the hotels downtown. At $5 for a floor dance, $10 for a VIP dance and willing dancers, this used to be a bargain club. No longer though. While the prices have remained the same, the dancers have become less willing. The dancers here were never knockouts and are not now either. You will find the occasional gem, but the really good looking ones usually don’t do very good dances. The mix here is mostly Latina, with more African Americans than the TD’s clubs. The dancers here are usually on their way down from one of the two TD’s clubs, or dancing for experience until one of the better clubs will hire them. There is also a VIP room in the back, the Bubble Room, which the dancers try to sell by telling you that there are no cameras there. It is $15 per dance there and from my vantage point, not worth the extra expense.

Knockouts does not serve food and opens in the early afternoon, so don’t make lunch plans there.

4. Fantasy World, on the north side of Jefferson, just east of I-25. This is Albuquerque’s only nude club and hence also no alcohol. I find it a bland experience and haven’t been there in a long time, so some of this information may be old. But, I have not heard anything from anyone to indicate that things have improved. To enter, you pass through an adult book store. The dancers are usually under 21 as they can’t work at a place that serves alcohol until they are 21. As a result, there are a lot of underage under experienced dancers. Dances are $20 in VIP booths in a hall and $25 in the VIP room. A bouncer checks on the dances, often, at least twice a song so there is really no privacy and really no opportunity for extracurricular fun. If you have to have nudity, this is the place, but if you want to have fun dances, look elsewhere.

Resist the urge to visit Cheeks, Santa Fe’s only strip club. There is no fun to be had there and it is a dump.

If you are driving through El Paso on your way to Albuquerque, stop in at the Red Parrot or Cabaret for good times. If you are going through Phoenix, stop in at the Blue Moon or Hiliter. I don’t think that there are any strip clubs in Colorado worth stopping for.

Check the reviews for more specific information.

I hope that this makes your trip to Albuquerque and the Balloon Fiesta more pleasant.
Punta Cana, Dominican Republic
Jul 2017
Aug '17
0
0/1
0/0
0
August 9, 2017
8
August 31, 2017
Have you ever dreamed of enjoying a first-class tropical vacation retreat with your own personal female travel guide to take your experience to a new level of sophisticated fun?

Welcome to Senses Private Club!

Senses Private Club is a luxurious private adult retreat located in Punta Cana on the world famous eastern coast of the Dominican Republic that caters to adventurous singles and couples. If you’re seeking a one-of-a-kind first class vacation experience that is truly all-inclusive, then look no further.

One of the most unique services that Senses has to offer is the gorgeous travel guides that accompany guests during their stay. Guests are able to enjoy the area with some of the most beautiful and intelligent women from around the world. The travel guides at Senses are there for one purpose: to make sure the guests have the vacation of a lifetime. For adventurous singles and couples, this means they are guaranteed a vacation experience provided by the outgoing and knowledgeable travel guides that is full of fun and adventure.

In addition to upscale accommodations and premium bar and meals at the villa, guests enjoy a professional house staff 24-hours a day to take care of all their wants and needs in style. You’ll enjoy complimentary VIP airport services upon arrival which is the perfect way to start your adult vacation right. Senses staff drivers are available to take you where you need to go, and the personal in-house gourmet chef service is something that any guest isn’t likely to forget. All these little perks keep adding up as it quickly becomes evident why Senses Private Club is the premiere adult destination of its kind.

Guests at Senses Private Club are also able to choose from a variety of excursions in and around the eastern Dominican Republic. And unlike most other resorts, Senses also includes all of their excursions as part of their nightly rate.

The Punta Cana area around Senses offers a multitude of options for vacationers to enjoy. Fishing, parasailing, horseback riding, catamarans, jeep safaris, zip line tours, dune buggies, surfing, adventure tours, biking, and many other activities are included. You can even play a round of golf each day at several world famous courses included with your package.

Punta Cana is also home to world-class snorkeling and scuba diving. People travel from all over the world to soak in the warm Caribbean waters and experience a unique underwater world.

When it’s time to party you can rest assured that Punta Cana is known for some of the best nightclubs, casinos and other top entertainment in the Caribbean so you’ll never go wanting for nightlife excitement.

One of the most significant testimonials to a resort’s success is the satisfaction of the people who choose to visit. Senses Private Club has an excellent reputation for providing their guests with a unique experience unrivaled in the Caribbean. “Getting on my plane to return to reality was indeed a painful experience.” said a recent guest when asked about his experience at Senses. At the end of the day, that’s the type of vacation most people want to have themselves.

Escaping reality is just one of the many perks for the adventurous singles and couples who choose Senses as their private vacation destination.

Another benefit of a smaller private retreat like Senses is that guests are free to enjoy adult activities unencumbered by the traditional resort experience. Discretion and privacy for their guests is a priority of all staff members at Senses.

For adventurous singles and couples seeking a one-of-a-kind tropical vacation, Senses Private Club in the picturesque eastern coast of the Dominican Republic is a must visit. It should be on the bucket list of all adventurous people who desire a world-class adult experience.

For more information visit: sensesprivateclub.com
Jan 2017
Sep '17
2
7/2
1/1
1
July 31, 2017
11
August 17, 2017
After my friend told me about his experience with an escort, because his CF stripper was a mediocre OTC experience, I went for it.
My CF stripper is good in VIP but no full service yet...
I texted a girl I saw in the internet, blonde green eyes 5' 7" super model looking from Easter Europe, the ad said she wanted a respectful gentleman with sense of humor, and she was independent, no agency, in call and out call...
The rate was a bit in the high side but OK for Los Angeles. I texted a very professional but warm and courteous request for an appointment.
Hi "Rachel" my name is "CJKent", from Brentwood, saw your ad in the "internet site" and I would like to make an appointment to see you at your place. I was wondering if you might have time available "Next Day" at 8:30 pm?
Thank you.
Hello CJKent yes we can meet at my place at 8:30 tomorrow.
No mention of screening, or anything else, I googled her info and found nothing god or bad.
To make a long story longer, we texted the next day got the address, went there on time, brought expensive chocolates (the candy of love).
When she opened the door I couldn't believe my eyes, she looked even better than her professional pics, dressed in a form fitting cocktail dress, gave her the gift bag with the chocolates, she said "my favorites, thank you".
I asked if I could take a shower, everything in her place was nice and clean.
After the shower I walkend into the bedroom, she was laying naked in bed, walked to the dresser and put her gift on top so she could tell all was in there, and she just smiled at me and blew me a kiss.
I just followed everything I believe would make her feel secure, admired desired, I kissed her face delicately, her breast were natural firm C's.
I started caressing her clean bald pussy, touching her clit, then put one finger in, then two, I started to stimulate the area where the G spot is supposed to be, and she got wet really fast. I then French kissed her and she kissed me back, softly but with intensity.
After a few minutes she came a couple of times and my hand was soaked.
We moved to missionary (with cover) and she lookd like she was really enjoying it, and I was out of my mind, could not believe I was there with one of the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, she came one more time.
We moved to doggie, her feet on the floor and bend over the bed. I went at it with all I have I was going insane at the whole unbelievable sight and experience.
She moved her right hand at certain moment to push me back and my dick came out of her pussy at the same time she squirted, no like a stream, more like dumping a cup of liquid, got my feet really wet, I have never seen anything quite like it, not even in squirt porn.
She asked me how did you do that?, I did not answer, because I don't even know, I just went back in and gave her everything I had, I was sweating rivers myself, I had to get a towel to dry myself, and went back in with all my heart and soul, she dumped two mor cups of her pussy juice, and keep asking me how are you doing this? But I did not answer, because I don't know.
I think now it is like someone in tusl said:
"The cure for ED (Erectile Dysfunction) is a hot girl in her early twenties..."
I have never been so turned on in my life, the girl was super beautiful, sexy, sweet, nice the closest feeling I can compare is the first time I saw naked pictures of Marilyn Monroe as a kid.
I stopped because I came, I was exhausted and she looked exhausted too but I was as happy as one can be.
I asked permission to take a shower, and cleaned up, and when we said our goodbyes, she said to me; "I am leaving tomorrow to visit my family, I will call you when I come back, OK?"
I say yes of course is OK.
I can die now and be at peace with the universe after this experience, I don't think it can be duplicated or improved, but when and if she calls I am going to give her my best shot, I would die happy if I could die doing this again.
Aug 2009
Jul '17
4
1/1
17/11
0
July 14, 2017
27
September 4, 2017
This started out as a club review or possible comment. But when I finished, based on the length and the way it took shape I thought it was better suited as an article. There are shades of the "system" I use. But it's more of a field report. I hope you guys enjoy.

I was out last night, I had a couple of thoughts about what was going on in the club , and how thanks to the wisdom of this site, I managed to turn around what probably would have been a shitty high hustle night.

For some background, I'm a little more unusual for the monger crowd. I hit my first club right when I turned 18 and have gone 1-3xs a year since 18. I've been going to clubs on every rung of the career ladder. From starving college student, to bottom rung of the company, to I make enough to splurge at a strip club. The funny thing is that, because i've been on this site for so long, and starting clubbing when I had to scrounge $80 to go, it has made me much more savy and less prone to SS. And it's also resulted in me rarely spending more than $150.

Because I was off today. I decided to hit up a local strip club last night. I figure it's the Monday before a holiday, so there probably won't be a ton of customers, but there might be more dancers. My goal is always to find that sweet spot of when there are enough customers that the girls have to dance, but there are still more girls than customer. Obviously I'm going to miss out on the higher end girls, but I don't have John Smith money (I will in about 15 years). And i've also noticed that if there are 7-10 girls, after 30 minutes, my brain will make 1-2 of them hot enough to spend money on. If not, oh well I just leave.

So this next part is where my TUSCL and years of dealing with strippers came in handy. My budget for the night was $160, I left another $140 in the car, just in case. But with $160- that's enough for cover, drinking and stage tipping, with well over $120 for lap dances (Depending on the area). I don't like to carry more than that into a club for negotiation purposes. Strippers love to quote bullshit prices. But if they look and see you have some kind of money, and the options are coming down from that stupid high price she quoted you and nothing, they tend to come down, especially if they know you're not bullshitting. These is also part of why I like going at slow times. A stripper is far less likely to stick to that price point if she's been at work 5 hours and has $11 in stage tips and sold no dances. It just takes a little patience.

So when I got to my club at around 10. 8-10 girls on shift. Not a ton of customers. Just like I like it. But there are a few girls sitting with customers and a few who are just off to themselves. I order my beer and chill.

30 minutes in and no girl is moving from her customer. Stage show is whatever, I'm still chilling. I get approached by this tight bodied white girl. Kind of girl who is usually right up my alley. Walks right up to me, good eye contact, rubs my shoulder. Talks for all of 3 minutes before trying to sell me on a dance. 18 year old RedSpartan would have emptied his wallet for her. Decade+ RedSpartan, not so much. She tries leading to me the dance room without quoting me a price....that's interesting tactic, and red flag #1. She then quotes me $45 a dance + $5 to the house....So, this isn't my first time at this club, and I've gotten 2 dances for $55 at this club before. So then I inquire as to discounts for bulk dances. She says she'll do 2 for $75 with $10 to the house, and how that's a great value....yeah I'll pass. I was cordial. But politely declined and told her I was just getting warmed up, but we'd see. I figure, best to be cordial because when she's made no money, and can't make tipout that price was going to come right the hell down.

I was approached by 2 more girls shortly after. The first was a Hispanic girl who's English wasn't all that good, or was just faking it. Walks up to me and asks private dance. I'm already annoyed because she just led into it. But I'm more annoyed because she sat with some dude behind the bar for like 90 minutes who didn't buy any dances. As far as I could tell, he wasn't buying her drinks or paying her for her time (which isn't a thing in my city). As a general rule, I'm not ever going to get a dance from a girl who just hits me with the wanna dance hustle. That rule applies double when she appears to be at the club with a regular, whale, someone they seem to just enjoy being around. I figure the dance is going to be 1/2 assed. I could be wrong, but this has worked for me. But anyway she makes no mention of price and gets visibly upset when I turn her down. She then goes back to the guy she was with who continued to not pay her any money.

Another unattractive girl comes up to me, and again immediately tries to push a dance on me. All the girls here seem to think that selling me on the dance before telling me the price is a good strategy. I'll never understand why any of them do this. If I say yes and can't afford it she still can't get paid. She quotes me $30 a song t $5 to the house. Not terrible, but she's not that attractive, and it's still a little early. She knows whats up, promises me things, and asks what the budget is, and that she'd work with me. The rookie move here is to tell her exactly how much I have and then let her tell me she'd do whatever I wanted for that price. I simply said more than she thought, and said we'd talk after I saw her on stage. She then told me she doesn't go on stage.

I ended up stage tipping $15 between 3 girls. Not because I wanted to. But i had been there an hour and not spent any money besides my beer. So I needed to show this women I had money. I always keep a roll of about $30-40 in ones in my front pocket. I'll pull it out visibly and pull $5 out of it and walk to pervert's row. And tip $5 during 1 song, then retreat back to my seat. I'm not gonna burn money on worthless stage tips. I tip girls I'm interested in, ones who've been nice, but that I have no interest in getting a dance from, and anyone putting on extra effort.

1 got out tipped for 1 of the girls and lost her to that table for an hour+. That table wasn't spending money on her but she sat there. So I wrote that off as a loss, rather than wait her out to only get a 1/2 ass dance. Another Hispanic girl I tipped said thank you and sat at the bar. I'm still vehemently against ever chasing a stripper because it makes them think they can control you. But I had to get another beer and choose to order next to her. She engages me. Goes in for the dance hustle at about the 3 minute mark...i'm about to roll my eyes and walk off. She quotes her 1st price $35 for 1 song. LOL no. Sensing I'm losing interest she cuts it down to 2 songs for $50 and another $10 to the house. I figure that's probably the best value I'm gonna get, so I go for it. Keep in mind, the first dance I got quoted was 1 for $55 dollars. Dance was great, good 2 way contact, and I still had tons of money left over, due to patience and not being afraid to walk away. (in the back of my head I was also thinking, I could just go to a different club and spend what the first girl offered me and get more dances at a different club).

I come back out happy and satisfied. But not ready to go yet. So I'm still chilling. I notice a bunch of girls on the floor just dry humping dudes for free and paying all kinds of attention to them for no cost. Those same girls all walked up to me and hit me with the wanna dance hustle. Yeah...no. I'm not sure what those other guys have that I don't. I don't care. But if a stripper isn't willing to put that kind of effort to get me to spend on her, I hold on to my dollars.

I'm about to call it a night. But a girl I tipped earlier who had been nice to me sits down. I wasn't super interested but she sat for like 15 minutes. Did a set on stage and went to the dressing room. While she was in the dressing room, they announced a dance special. They didn't name a single price or what it was. So I guess it allows the dancers to set their own bullshit prices. My girl came back from the dressing room. She had been running that new girl hustle on me. So I decided to push it. I got her to offer me 2 dances for $30 + room fee. She could have been new, but her conduct in the room indicates to me that he wasn't. When we're at the end of the 2nd dance, i get her to agree to a 3rd dance for $20. Dance was good. Lots of two way contact through all 3. It was a topless dance and she ended up completely naked. So I got 3 dances for $50. Remember the first dance I got offered was 1 for $45. After that I called it a night.

This ended up being longer than I thought it was going to be. I'm sure someone can turn this into a system post. But last night felt like a win. I spent under $160 and got 5 lap dances in a place where the dancers set their own prices. I can honestly say that my trip wouldn't have been possible without TUSCL and being able to know what the dance price are. And how to handle stripper shit and spotting ROBs and Whales.

Thanks TUSCL!!
Sep 2013
Sep '17
7
46/3
12/7
46
July 5, 2017
59
September 4, 2017
For those interested in SeekingArrangment, here are my experiences.

I have been lucky enough to find some sex forums with decent sized populations of experienced or wanna-be sugar-daddies, to help fill out and/or confirm some of the perspectives. I joined SA thinking my goal would be to score a classic sugarbaby...

**Executive Summary**: Since this is tuscl, and most of you are executives, I'll start with an executive summary: I've had mixed experiences on SA overall -- for those wondering: yes, for me, OTC is resoundingly still the best experience in the sex industry. But if strip clubs disappeared tomorrow, I'd move onto SA wholesale, no doubt. For all I know, I'm just one awesome SB away from changing my mind completely ... but so far, I have NOT scored a classic SB, mostly because I just couldn't find anyone the interested me enough to engage at this level; I'm also not interested in escort-like interactions, but have indulged in some fun OTC-like meetings that are available on SA. If this entire report is TL;DR, I'd suggest you read just one thing, #5 in the Insights section, at the very bottom of this article.

**The Girls**: I think of the girls of SA in 3 groups, although these groups significantly overlap, and one girl can be in multiple groups at the very same time

Group 1: "Classic" Sugarbabies: they're looking for a sugardaddy/sugarbaby relationship, at levels of support ranging mostly from $1500/month but mostly higher. Sugarbaby tends to imply a bit more engagement in each others' lives: experienced sugardaddies consistently talk about how they're in contact with their SBs over text and phone, help them through life crises, give them business advice, take them on vacations, and overall just how big a part of their lives the SBs are. Some of these girls are very high quality women: white collar women who just need extra help, women on a success track at local universities, smart, interesting, reliable women. Of course, you will also find all kinds of other women: strippers, escort types, flakey hot chicks, etc., all also looking for a sugardaddy.

Group 2: Escort, escort-adjacent, and OTC-like girls: These range from outright escorts who are using SA as an extension of their business, to "sugarbaby light" girls who are okay with per-meeting payment (rather than monthly allowance) but who want to limit interactions to sexual dalliances, to girls whose model is very much like OTC with a stripper, where they're perfectly happy eating and drinking and partying with you for hours before or after the sex. In other words: whatever you're feeling like, you can probably find it on SA

Group 3: Strippers and ex-strippers. There's so many strippers on SA that it's worth calling them out separately. Obviously, they all fit into one or both of the groups above... although sometimes, they'll suggest that for your first meeting, that you meet them at their stripclub. I'll have more comments on them below.

**Pricing**: As part of their profile, the girls all set an "expectation", that ranges from Minimal (less than $1000/month, VERY few of them) and goes up in grades all the way to High (greater than $10,000/month). Don't get too intimidated by that, I've routinely talked girls in the Practical, Moderate, and Substantial (up to $10,000/month) down to OTC-level pricing, $300-$450 per meeting. Most girls will agree to per-meeting payment for the first few times you meet, even the classic sugarbabies who will eventually demand to move to monthly allowance.

In my discussions with very many experienced sugardaddies, most of the ones with multiple successful sugarbaby arrangements are paying in the range of $3500-$5000 per month, if you count allowance *plus* all the other money spent on the sugarbaby (gifts, hotel rooms, travel, food & drink, etc). Here and there I've heard of less, but that $3000+ range seems to be the magic number.

****** What you're here for: Insights and Experiences ********
1. The $3500/month sugardaddies are having a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE than what I"ll describe below ... those of us looking to spend closer to $1500/month, all pretty uniformly (with only rare exceptions) agree with my experiences up and down the line. But the $3500+ club is having a much more fun time of things, and virtually nothing I say below applies to them.

2. Flakiness rules. If you think strippers are flakey, SA brings that to a whole 'nother level. Be ready to deal with a lot of flakiness, although the one mercy is that much of the flakiness happens in the email negotiation leading to the date, which means you've only wasted your online time writing emails. That said, there ARE reliable, civilian women on SA, who are far more reliable than this overall experience, you'll just go through an insane amount of flakiness to find them.

3. No one looks like their pics. Unlike strip clubs, but JUST LIKE escorts, Tinder, Match.com: no one looks like their pics, they've all chosen their very best amazing pics from 5 years ago, took pictures from strategic angles, etc. Just like when meeting an escort or a girl from Tinder for the first time, just expect her to be thicker and less pretty than she looked in that pic, sometimes shockingly so.

4. The girls are annoyed with you. Well, maybe not you personally, but with the men on the site. And not without reason, they've been treated pretty disrespectfully in emails, and so it will pay you back huge dividends if you take a little time learning to write profiles and emails that come across both respectful and confident. This, by the way, may be at least partially responsible for the flake rate, the girls might be reading deeply into everything you write, and bolting at any little thing that bugs them.

5. There are a LOT of strippers and ex-strippers on SA. One of the things I learned: I have an amazing radar for strippers. So far I'm 100% on figuring out when I guess a girl I'm at a meetup with is a stripper or ex-stripper. Going further, nearly all of the best looking women I met on SA are strippers or ex-strippers, and if I further narrow that down to "maximum sum of looks plus fun personality": 100% strippers and ex-strippers. That also led me to another insight: Subraman, I says, if so many hot SA women are strippers, perhaps many active working strippers are on SA. So in the strip club, I've been doing a little experiment: during the conversation, I organically work into the conversation that "I haven't been to the club that often recently because I'm on SA... I really want a sugarbaby to take care of." This has been an unadulterated hit for me. More than half the strippers I've said this to, whipped out their phone and showed me their SA profile, and then we had fun swapping crazy SA stories. 100% of the strippers gave me an "awwwww!" and became VERY interested. In fact, unlike some of you guys, I almost NEVER get propositioned for OTC, I always have to ask and pursue the stripper.... except now, I'm getting strippers hinting or asking outright, "we should meet up, I wanna be a sugarbaby", etc. All in all, at worst it leads to fun conversation, at best it gets the strippers asking ME for OTC (I realize tuscl PLs are seasoned enough not to care much about this, we're all used to asking for OTC, but it IS a little bit of a kick to be the one asked instead of doing the asking). One of my buddies has been so impressed with this that he's planning to set himself up a dummy profile on SA, just to be able to flash it...lol


*** In summary: I've enjoyed the experience and am still indulging, but it has not remotely shaken my preference for strippers, ITC and OTC. And perhaps that's really where I am mentally and emotionally right now: perhaps I am not really ready or interested in having a SB be so much of my life, the way things work with those more experienced high-$$$ sugardaddies I mentioned, much less being interested in laying out that kind of cash. OTC with strippers may just scratch my itch. I'm still looking for a more classic sugarbaby arrangement on SA, but am no closer than when I joined nearly a year ago, and tend to be pulling the trigger on SA meetups when it's more OTCish.
Lapland
Jun 2015
Sep '17
7
0/2
47/26
3
June 14, 2017
19
August 7, 2017
I've done OTC once with my ATF in the past. I don't visit her club in Baltimore (about 60-90 min away) nearly as often as I used to. Generally they've been 4-5 month intervals but we text each other fairly regularly. Finally I had a break and a chance to go up and see her. We usually have it planned out. Our usual MO is that I bring dinner into the club (which doesn't serve food) for her and me, we spend some quality time together nuzzling at one of the tables or at the bar, and then private rooms for 30 min and a few laps for much of the rest of the evening.

Last week, ATF wanted a change of pace. She wanted to have dinner with me before going into the club. We did, at a nice steak restaurant (meeting me at my hotel in a low-key outfit, a long summer dress and flip flops). After, I dropped her off at the club, and then came by later. I did 30 min with her in a private room for the usual fee, we hung out till closing. No overnight was going to happen that night, so no nookie. But ATF asked to meet me for breakfast the next morning out closer to where she lived. We did so (she came in a shorter dress, lower cut, still in flats), and then we spent some time together afterward riding around in my convertible.

This is less your usual OTC story than what essentially amounted to a back-to-back dinner date and then a breakfast date with a very pretty woman (divorced MILF), in which I wound up learning a lot more about my ATF than I expected. I have to admit that in the back of my mind I knew this would eventually happen, given we've known each other for well over two years. I thought I was going to share a little bit of my heritage and my profession with her just to make things interesting and her curious about me. But what happened was suddenly a torrent of information from her. Among those things I learned were her name (showing me her profile as a driver for one of those popular ridesharing services), her family background, what she did before stripping, her vacation with her kids, lots of photos with well-known people, and advice on a career change that would allow her to live a nice normal attractive lifestyle. Just from time spent with my ATF in the past, she tends to avoid too much drinking in the club, and apparently seems to be drug-free (no tattoos, no smoking, generally clearheaded, friendly to waitstaff in restaurants, unfailingly polite, and tends to disdain the cokeheads who danced at or managed her former club).

So part of the deal with engaging a stripper off the stage is always the fantasy - even if it's pure acting, if she's good she makes both Dr. Libido / L'il Roadworrier / whatever-you-wanna-call-it and yourself feel like the center of the sex universe, for however long you have on the sofa or in the VIP room. If you build a rapport she can offer a decent GFE when not "on the clock" (although her current club has dancer drinks which provide a revenue stream on the backs of customers with a small 40% cut for the dancer). And then maybe OTC and horizontal bop happens.

But what happened last week suddenly jolted me, though it took some time to sink in. I suddenly do not think of her as a stripper anymore. I know her name, what her family looks like, her car, what she does when not in the club, and most of all, I'm now getting accustomed to seeing her in something other than quick-to-remove lingerie and 5" platform heels. I have enough info about her that I can google her, access her on LinkedIn, and essentially turn into a Grade A stalker. It looks like we will be doing this again next month, and it looks like we have another restaurant and plans to go to a park the next day already made. My motto of my SC life has always been to let fantasy get in the way of reality. Now for the first time, it's the other way.

Yet even with this sudden dose of "real", there was a clear pattern to her sharing so much with me. It seemed like one part of it was for me to know who she was before she began stripping, and the other part of it was apparently to know she was looking for a life after stripping. Knowing I am married, knowing she's a mom, and sensing she's not much for hotel tricks, it became clear she's looking for some sugar-daddy action, at the very least a little low-key sugar-daddy advice, for the cost of meals and of course time in the club. She's not asked me for a retainer yet, so it's just been a matter so far of providing her with company, food and a little evening income at the club in exchange for some sexy fun.

While there's only so much advice one (even if he is 25 years older) can give someone who was a married stay-at-home mom for a few years and doesn't have a broad work background beyond the SC, it is clear she is an engaging communicator, and seems to be good about taking care of herself. If anyone could probably "move on" into real life. it's her.

The alpha-dog part of me wants to stick to the sex part and know her by her stage name. The beta part of me wants to move this along and see where it goes. I think the alpha-dog route is the safer way to go, and has been my road taken in the past. But when you know a gal for long enough, even in an SC, if they actually like you, at some point it seems like things will take a turn into the friend/sugar-daddy zone. Something I am clearly not prepared for.
Jul 2014
Sep '17
9
8/1
119/84
7
June 14, 2017
46
August 16, 2017
This was my second foray into Tijuana. The first was in November 2014 when I crossed the border and hit Hong Kong three days out of the four that I was in San Diego. I learned a lot back then (with advice from TUSCL contributors), and I'm still learning. There have been other, very helpful posts on TUSCL, and my intent with this long-ass article is to add details that I think would also prove helpful to anyone who has not yet made the journey and is contemplating it. And yeah, ya should. The place is just unreal.

Planning for this trip started a few months ago. I had to be in Orange County for a conference, so my flight to California from the East Coast was covered by my employer. I went out a few days early, rented a car, and drove the 90 minutes south to the border.

The first thing I will tell you is that instead of staying in San Diego (as I did for visiting family during the last trip), I booked a room in San Ysidro, California, the town where the border crossing is. TUSCL trolls, don't give me any shit for not actually staying in TJ. For a number of reasons, staying in the U.S. allows me to cover my ass and gives me a little plausible deniability with the wife back home. (Just trying to avoid the inevitable "Honey, when you called me three of the nights you were gone, how come there are roaming charges from Mexico on our cell phone bill?") As I said, don't give me any shit! A guy does what he has to do to preserve domestic tranquility.

BORDER CROSSING INTO MEXICO
There are things about the border crossing that have changed since I was here in 2014, and things will continue to change. The old crossing still works pretty much the same way as before, and you can travel south into Mexico and north into the U.S. there. There is a brand new crossing about a mile to the west, but it's my understanding that for *now* you can only cross there from Mexico into the U.S. I read that that will change sometime soon, and eventually the old crossing will be torn down.

Not sure about parking at the new crossing; I think it might be $8.00 during the week and $25.00 on the weekend. I stuck with the old crossing and parked in the lot next to and behind the Jack-in-the-Box. The pay lot is open 24 hours, $8.00 for 8 hours, cash only. If you return even one minute after your 8 hours are up, you will pay another $8.00, so keep that in mind. It's a short walk from there to the border crossing – just follow the crowd.

I had heard they were stamping passports going into Mexico now, and to avoid that (plausible deniability and all) – and based on advice here on TUSCL – I had gotten a Global Entry pass several months ago. It also allows you to skip the long lines coming back and provides automatic TSA Pre-Check whenever you fly. Worked like a charm coming back. Going into Mexico the first two days, I was not stopped by anyone nor required to show anything. HOWEVER, on the third day going into Mexico, I was asked by the Mexican Border Patrol agent to show my passport – which I did not have with me. I showed him my Global Entry card, which he said is only good for getting back into the U.S. He said, "You have to have a passport." WTF – no one said a word to me the prior two days. After a brief moment of unease on my part, he let me in and said, "Next time, bring your passport." Phew! Still not sure about the stamping of passports. Note that if you bring anything into Mexico with you (I carried a small messenger bag), they run it through a scanner like at an airport, but getting in is really easy.

The rest of the route to HK has been well documented on TUSCL. Walk along with the crowd for a few minutes, grab a Yellow Cab, and say, "Hong Kong, cinco, si?" (they always said yes to me). Incidentally, Tijuana taxis are a trip in and of themselves, as the drivers race to get you to your destination, and whatever rules of the road they have there seem more like mere suggestions. After five minutes, $5.00 (US) and a dollar tip, you're there. The Yellow Cabs have to stop in front of Adelita Bar a couple of doors down from HK; there is another cab company that gets to park in front of HK. No biggie. Just walk back to HK.

MONEY
All transactions can be made in US dollars. Others here have recommended changing to pesos to get a better deal (depending on the prevailing exchange rate), but I did not bother with that. Not saying you shouldn't use pesos – just saying you don't have to. And you all know you never use a credit card in a strip club, right?

HOTEL CASCADAS
Before I left I had PM'ed a fellow TUSCL contributor about advice on a few things, and he suggested that even though I was staying overnight in San Ysidro I might want to book a room at Hotel Cascadas, which occupies about six floors above Hong Kong. He pointed out that the rooms are really cheap if you spring for a VIP card at HK (more on that in a moment), and if you plan take girls upstairs several times over two or three days (or multiple times each day/night, like I did), the card pretty quickly pays for itself. In addition, there's no knock at the door when your 30 minutes are up.

I made a reservation the week before for three nights via the hotel's website (which is reachable from the HK website). They don't require a credit card number for the reservation, but they do ask for an email address to send you a confirmation. I registered using a fake name (but a real email address) based on TUSCL advice about using a fake name when you get the VIP card. I used the same alias for both the hotel reservation and the card. Believe me, nobody cared or asked.

When you make the reservation online, the website will tell you what your total will be, based on the rack rate of $55 a night for a standard room Sunday-Thursday, $70 Friday and Saturday – and says that discounts will be applied upon check-in. When you arrive, first go to HK to get your VIP card and then check into the hotel next door (literally two steps from the HK entrance). I was so fortunate that my TJ trip included a Monday and a Tuesday, since the VIP discount on those two days is a whopping 80%, bringing the cost of the room down to $11 a night. When you consider that if you don’t have your own room and you want to take a girl upstairs, it will cost you $17 per half hour (and double that if you take two girls at a time, which I did on my last visit). The discount on other nights is 20%, bringing the cost down to $44 – which is still not too bad, especially if you plan to use the room for multiple visits. All transactions are done in cash, with US dollars or, if you prefer, pesos.

The standard room has a sink, bed, enclosed toilet, separate shower, and decent variable "mood" lighting. Perfect, really. (Deluxe rooms are also available at a higher rate.) I paid a $20 fully-refundable deposit for a remote control for the AC. There was also a TV, but I did not use it. Over three days, I don't think they serviced the room in any way, but they did promptly honor my request for clean towels on day three.

THE VIP CARD
You can look on the HK website for a list of the perks you get when you buy a VIP card. I didn't avail myself of all that much (didn't use the free limo to or from the border, no fancy bottle service, etc.) but it's pretty easy to get your money's worth, especially if you stay at the hotel on a Monday and/or a Tuesday. You go right to the desk on the left as you enter HK, tell them you want a VIP card, and give them $50. They will ask your name (whatever you choose to give them), enter that into the computer, mark your expiration date on your card with a Sharpie (it's good for four months), and you're good to go.

The tricky part about using the card is that if you want, say, your free drink, you have to go to the front desk and tell them you want a free drink. They log that in their system showing that you've now requested that for the day (you only get one per visit) and give you a receipt to give to any bartender or waiter (mesero). I guess that's OK, but if you're sitting in a booth with a chica bonita and you decide you want to take her for your half-price lap dance, you just can't take her to the lap dance room – you have to go back to the desk at the entrance where they go through the same routine of logging you in and giving you a receipt (and taking your $11, which is half the standard $22 price). This actually takes a few minutes, so you might think about doing that in advance if you really think you'll get a lap dance. You definitely can do it on the spur of the moment, but there will be a few minutes of wood-killing procedural folderol.

HK COUPONS
There are some useful coupons which you can print out from the HK website for different things like, for example, one free appetizer or lap dance. You redeem them at the desk at the entrance to HK. They nominally keep track, asking for your email address (you can make that up if you want; I did and it was not a problem), which you write on the back of the coupon. They then staple a receipt to your coupon which you can give to one of the meseros to use. You can't use them in combination with your VIP card, and they're only supposed to be good once during your day/night visit, but if you're cagey (and if there's a different person at the desk when you go back), you can get away using more than one.

MESEROS
People here on TUSCL sometimes complain about the meseros (waiters) because they are omni-present, but I thought they were great pretty much across the board. They all speak English, which can be very helpful, and they are genuinely interested in making sure you have a good experience at HK. Yes, that means more tips for them, but they are all pleasant and eager to please. Not one shorted me on change nor automatically "kept" the tip. If you speak no Spanish, you would do well to befriend a mesero.

GENERAL VIBE IN THE CLUB
Even though you may be entering what many would consider to be a legal bordello, this is not a sleazy place – far from it. HK is very nicely-appointed, easily rivaling many of the upscale clubs in the U.S. The lighting is great throughout, as are the stages and the available seating. Even when it's not super-crowded, there's a fun vibe. The girls are pretty much all in the 7-9 range, with something for everyone in terms of tall, short, thick or thin (though not a lot of ethnic diversity). It's my understanding that the girls all have to get health-tested regularly to work there, and from a personal hygiene standpoint (based on close personal contact with dozens of them), they are generally much cleaner than a lot of American strippers are. And gorgeous.

Every girl I talked to was from somewhere other than Tijuana – Mexico City, Guadalajara, Monterrey, Jalisco, Sinaloa, etc. They come and stay a week or two, make a ton of money (more than what they can make at home), and then go back to their lives and families. It's very rare to find any who are fluent in English. Most speak a little English; a few speak virtually none. My Spanish skills are rudimentary, at best, and I had my best times with those who knew a few words of English and/or were patient with my lousy Spanglish. I found that one of the most useful phrases is "Como se dice..." [co-mo say dee-say], which means "How do you say...?" which shows you are at least making an attempt.

GETTING THE MOST FOR YOUR MONEY
First of all, compared to what you have to pay in U.S. clubs, it's just dirt cheap here, and you can have a good time for even just a fistful of dollars. A single U.S. dollar bill will give you a chance to fondle any girl's boobs – and probably her pussy as well. For the price of a girl's drink – $9.00, plus a $1.00 tip – you can have a girl sit with you in a booth while you explore each others' charms. It's pretty much a given in this situation that breasts will be bared – and maybe more – and touching is the norm. Yes, some of the girls will down their drinks quickly and move on, but they really have an incentive to stay and do what they can to convince you to take them upstairs. Most are quite friendly and accommodating in the booths.

If you're not quite ready to commit to going upstairs, you can get a lap dance (for $22), which is done in a private room with frosted glass. As I mentioned above, free or half-price lap dances are available with the VIP card or a coupon from the website. I did a couple of those, and with one girl I got a CBJ for an additional $20.

Prices quoted to me for going upstairs (arriba) ranged from $60 to $100. The going quoted rate seemed to be $80; some settled for $60, others held firm at $80. The one girl who quoted me $100 very quickly came down to $80. This is basically for 30 minutes in a room at the Hotel Cascadas (see above). Though I know the price of the room can vary, I think it's basically about $17 for 30 minutes. Once you and the girl settle on a price for her time, you go to the door of HK (either the front door or the back door), the girl is given a robe by the door guy (for which you tip $1.00), and you go to the hotel desk on the second floor. You pay the $17, they give the girl a condom and some lube, and you're on your way. I will leave the rest up to your imagination.

No matter where I was in the club or the hotel, I never felt that anyone was out to cheat me or ROB me. All transactions were on the up-and-up. Everyone treated me with kindness and respect -- and, naturally, I reciprocated.

GENERAL VIBE ON THE STREET
I was aware, based on recent TUSCL postings, that there has been some violence on the street around HK, but unless you're drunk and/or stupid (or both) and you keep your wits about you, you should be OK. I was on the street both day and night and never felt threatened. At night, the street (at least the block with HK and Adelita Bar) is so well lit that it's almost like daylight. I saw LOTS and LOTS of street girls hanging out – they are everywhere. I did not interact with any of them on this trip, and other TUSCLers have described that scene more knowledgeably than I ever could. I will say only that the opportunity to engage with them is ever-present.

BORDER CROSSING INTO THE UNITED STATES
Cabs are always parked outside HK; the ride back to the border is $5.00 (plus a $1.00 tip). Just be sure to specify whether you want to be dropped at the old border (vieja frontera) or the new border (nueva frontera). In my experience, the cab drivers all speak English, or at least enough to get you where you need to go. They will drop you off for the (hopefully) short walk to the border crossing station.

Others here have talked about what times are best and worst to try to make the crossing. If you cross on a weekend afternoon, you may wait in line for three to four hours! I crossed at the old border station either early or late evening and there was no line at all. I would guess that much of the foot traffic has migrated to the new crossing. I also was equipped with my Global Entry pass, which saved me a little time, but really, at that time of day there were so few people it didn't make much difference.

You have to stop and talk to a U.S. Border Patrol agent, who will ask you one or more questions, but it's really no big deal. One asked me where I had been and didn't blink when I said La Zona Norte. I think I was always asked where I was going; I said I had a hotel room in San Ysidro. All asked if I had anything to declare (apparently, that's the one required question), and since I hadn't bought anything other than great memories, my answer was always no and I was waved through. It should go without saying that you should not try to bring any drugs with you – in either direction. I am not sure of the likelihood of getting caught, but I am certain that the consequences would not be favorable.

Well, I hope that this has been helpful to you. There are plenty of TUSCLers who are more experienced at this than I am, and I expect that some will post additions, corrections or clarifications to what I've written. I welcome that. And I strongly encourage anyone who has not yet made the trip to do so – before Donald Trump builds that wall!