I occasionally read a post on TUSCL wherein a monger confesses wanting to give up mongering once and for all. Aspiring to defect from the mongering hordes is a courageous thing to admit on this site where many deluded pretenders boast of sexual conquests (paid for or otherwise) even if they probably occurred only in their dreams.
Thus, it is with considerable trepidation that I admit in this post that I sometimes give serious consideration to ending this mongering madness once and for all.
Mongering has simultaneously been a delight and a scourge for about 2/3rds of my already considerably long life. I have no idea how much I have spent on this most unproductive “hobby” but I am willing to bet it’s enough to buy a few choice acres in the Rockies with nice vacation home and a luxurious foreign sports car in the garage.
Mongering is an exceedingly perverse hobby. I am simultaneously proud and ashamed of what I’ve done in the course of my depraved forays into the seamy undersides of the cities around the world in which I have lived or visited over the years.
The only people alive who have any inkling about how badly I have behaved are (1) the women I’ve spent money on in strips clubs and (2) people who read the absurdist posts and reviews that I sometimes contribute to this site. What both groups have in common is that no one in either group has any idea who I am. It is an anonymity I hope to preserve forever.
To be perfectly honest, I have resolved to give up my mongering ways on many occasions in the past. But I have always failed to adhere to my resolution. I blame the highly variable mileage at strip clubs for my inability to stay away.
Sometimes I have a blazingly successful experience in a strip club. It’s as if I am starring in a pornographic video - the ordinary guy who gets desplooginated in spectacular fashion after a prolonged, delicious sexual seduction and tease by one or two shameless and fiery hot strippers who pull out all the stops in sumptuous a VIP room. When it’s all over and I’m driving away it occurs to me that I am wildly unlikely to ever experience a better outing than the one I just concluded. With that thought in mind, I feel like this would be the perfect time to retire from mongering. You know - “leave on a high note.”
But those high notes are extremely difficult to forget and there is always that inescapable temptation to go out and try to repeat that “dream cum true.”
So I eventually get back on the mongering treadmill, hoping to once again find that Holy Grail of divine desploogination by a sexual goddess (who I barely know).
But as we all know, your mileage may vary. So my subsequent forays are more than likely going to be deeply disappointing especially when measured against the outrageous memory of the wank-worthy experience I recently had.
But it would be a crying shame, after all those wonderful sticky experiences, to just drop out of the mongering religion on such a low note.
So I continue trying to recreate that Nirvana.
It might take a long time to achieve, but eventually persistence pays off again and I have another unbelievably fantastic experience in a strip club that I immediately record for posterity and for your reading pleasure on this site.
Again, I consider ending my mongering days on a high note.
But soon I am tempted to recreate it ... just one more time ...
... and so the pathetic saga continues, week after week, month after month, year after year and decade after decade with additional ungodly sums of money down the drain.
Evidently, I am not as wise as a lot of people think I am.