If you're at all like me, i suppose you could have just ignored or skipped the first two articles. But i'm sure many of you are not like me and i needed a separate article just for the long drawn out introduction. I also generally prefer upscale clubs opposed to some of the divier clubs mentioned in the previous articles. So i left the final article to describe the clubs that i actually visit more than a couple times a year, but this is more of a personal preference than necessarily the definitively better clubs to visit.
And here we go!
Pick a number
You probably will feel more like a number than a customer at these two clubs, particularly on weekends.
Admiral Theatre, Chicago, IL.
An oldie but goodie. At least the oldie part. The club is pushing 30 (celebrated their 25th anniversary a few years back) and is still running strong. It's a fairly upscale, medium to medium-large sized club. Valet is not required but if you go during the weekends or even the weekdays, street parking is hard to find. The CPD station a block or two away on Pulaski usually has a few spots open near it. Otherwise expect to pay $15 for valet (was increased from $12 over a year ago) unless you Uber in.
Service will be mediocre as the place is like a sardine (sausage?) machine. This is probably the only club that i've had to wait in a line (even if only a few moments) to pay and still wait even more for a seat opening, as it gets packed on weekend late nights, especially Saturdays. Which seems surprising considering it costs $28 now, as of this last summer, to get in (used to be $25 recently for a long time). Supposedly a recent "entertainer" tax in the city is pinching the club. Right. They're still making money hand over fist with high cover charges, valet charges, drink charges, and high dancer rents and large cuts from private dances. No alcohol (but there's a bar just a few buildings away) and no food. There is a one drink minimum and it will cost at least $6 not including a tip to your friendly attractive waitress, well at least the attractive part.
It's pretty focused where the attention is. The Admiral boasts some of the best looking dancers/lineup than any other club in the state, and a decent sized lineup at that with over 40 on weekends. And the only nude stage in the actual city. Not too much interaction or contact though. Come for the eye candy, stay for the eye candy as the dances are, well, better than they were years ago, but still hit and miss. At 3 for $100 (used to be 3 for $75, again that blasted "tax"), it's too much to gamble between low to medium mileage to occasionally high mileage. The 3 dances are usually right around 10 minutes or just a bit under 3.5 minutes per dance. One way contact, if that, nude floor dances are still $10.
Half hour rooms are "thankfully" still $225. The $300 hour room is now $400. There are also $400 (used to be $375) to $500 hour suites available as well. Those suites are just larger rooms with bigger couches, so no need to "upgrade". It is amusing hearing how girls try to upsell them though. "What's the difference again?" "Homina, homina, homina..." Privacy is limited to a 70% closed curtain for all rooms and the booths for the other dances which is meant to deter extras apparently as a bouncer or two will usually walk by every few minutes, not that full privacy would necessarily mean anything in terms of mileage though. It really does seem up to the girl what she will do and for now and in most cases, apparently not much, but YMMV. Girls are majority white, but as it is in the city, there is usually something for everyone (one of the very few clubs that has multiple Asian dancers), at least in terms of diversity, although the actual girls are all on the thinner side.
Edit: after the price changes about six months ago, i basically completely stopped going to this club. The one time i did go back, the girls had a harder time selling dances. The bouncers aren't quite as vigilant (during "private" dances) as before letting the girls dictate more of the contact and apparently the girls do allow a bit more than before, but nothing crazy. Still fairly low to medium mileage although a few or even quite a few girls will allow high(er) mileage. This was a mostly eye candy club before; it's almost completely an eye candy club now. As of now, i probably would sooner visit Gold Club in Stone Park (Thursdays), the Silver Slipper Saloon in Ottawa (quite a drive), or Ocean in Bedford Park (day shift) before i would go to the Admiral...
PoleKatz, Bridgeview, IL
One of the more well run clubs in the entire state, PoleKatz is a high end, larger club. Evening cover is $10 (no daytime cover) but just like their sister club, Gold Club in Stone Park (mentioned in Part I), you can use a text (number available on their website) to get in for free. Despite the "mostly" required valet (street parking is limited in space and not available very late in the night) and generally more expensive drinks and VIP rooms, they offer "value" options for the more budget minded PL.
Those being discount Tuesdays ($10/$20 topless and nude lap dances compared to the $20/$30 regular price for the same) as well as the same promotion during happy hour 5-8 pm (currently they have $10 dances until 10 pm which is a welcome addition) on other weekdays. They also have 2 for 1 promotions every hour on later weekend nights and a 4 nude for $100 deal that most girls will honor. Unlike the Admiral, this is a club you go for dances as the stages are pretty boring with no real contact with the dancers and many girls don't even take their tops off.
Dances are moderate to high contact as long as the bouncer doesn't see you and he usually only walks around once per song. When he does, contact is quite restricted (no ass, titty or kitty) but most girls will give a decent to very good grind. Dances are also done in an open communal area so you have to be wary of other dancers and customers as well. The dances are also a bit longer than most of the other area clubs at 3.5 to 4 minutes on average. As with the sister club, Gold Club in Stone Park, champagne rooms are on the ridiculous side at $250 to nearly $1000 for 15 minutes to an hour and also depending on if you get the "regular" CR or use their "Ultra Lounge". It doesn't really matter what you pick as extras are not available due to quite active monitoring. Definitely a hard sell, especially on Tuesdays.
PoleKatz has by far the largest number of girls on weekend nights (up to 100 or even more) and well over 50 on Tuesday nights. Those times are usually very busy as well, particularly late in the night, and you can easily lose a table when you return from a dance(s), all the more exacerbated by the fact that you can't bring your drink with you to the chump station and you are often required to have a drink to sit at a table. The attractive waitresses are all too eager to clear a table. The line up is more evenly mixed than the Admiral, but still probably more white, but with the larger number of girls and a less strict hiring/working policy, there is definitely a type/flavor for everyone. Dancer quality is still pretty good overall.
And then there were two.
Finally, my two favorite clubs. To be fair, these were my two favorite clubs even before i joined TUSCL seemingly many years ago (just less than 3 years, actually). So not much has changed. With the decline or demise of several clubs i frequented (Club O, Industrial Strip, Skybox, Jimmy's, Ocean to a small degree), this is all that is left for me. Also to note, these are the only true UHM club options (regarding dances at least; VIPs/CRs are actually extras friendly depending on the girl) left in the area, outside of maybe Blackjack's in Elgin which didn't start out as that type of club and still really isn't. Arnie's (Boogie Nights now) is currently somewhere between VHM and UHM and Jimmy's in Chicago Heights and Fantasy in Hammond (recently) aren't quite as high mileage in their dances.
Club 390, Chicago Heights, IL
What more can i say about this club? For those unfamiliar, it's a mid-sized, mid-level club with upscale options. No valet, evening cover varies from $5-$15, usually $5-$10. This is a different machine of a club. One that churns out girls instead of customers. Seriously, i have seen no less than 200 different girls come and go to this relatively smaller club. In 5+ years, i have yet to develop a long time regular or favorite (over a year) at this club. More because of turnover than quality. This club also seems to be a popular destination for girls when other clubs nearby or not so nearby close (Allure, Club O). The staff has rotated as well. All of the bouncers and most of the waitresses have changed. The managers (5 of them!) all seem to have stuck around and most of them recognize me. The dance counters (usually female) and door girls probably recognize me although they also turnover pretty frequently as well.
Having said all that, i really like this club. As the DJ (the loudest one that works weekends) is fond of saying, you have to experience the "life-altering lap dances", "full nude, full contact and full friction". Hard for ROBs and hustlers to hide behind that constant promotion. The day shift has improved by leaps and bounds over the years and is now the preferred shift to experience. A good number of the "A-team" work during the days instead of nights, even including weekends, although there are still many quality girls on weekends. Most days there will be close to a dozen or so or even more girls working either shifts and usually well over twice that many on weekend nights. The majority of girls are white, followed by a nearly even mix of blacks and Latinas. No Asians that i can remember of recent.
The main stage was revamped about a year ago along with the general seating, and now is a bit of joke compared to before. It was reduced to about half its previous size and they can no longer feasibly run two girls at a time on it, so on weekends, girls only spend one song on the main stage for most of the night, instead of two. There's also a satellite or "stadium" stage that only gets use on the weekend as well as the surrounding stadium seating (almost like a bleacher setup or movie theater setup, but a lot less seats). The girls decide if they get fully naked or not on stage and usually they don't unless the stage fills up and guys are tipping, but even then they often don't, although sometimes the DJ encourages the girls as well as the PLs to get up there and tip, in which case the girls often do get naked. Contact is pretty good, with a decent amount of groping going on as no one really monitors the stage. The girls seem to be aware of it and this is could be why they often don't get naked and interact as much as they could with the customers.
Dances are $10/$20 topless/nude on day shifts and Wednesdays which sounds like great value for VHM/UHM dances, but the songs are cut by about a minute (around or just over two minutes long for a dance), so it's not really less money per minute than during the night shift at $20/$30 where the songs are usually just a bit over 3 minutes. The girls also give air dances for the $10 ones, and "usually" warn PLs. Management has been cracking down a bit on "extracurricular" activities in the regular dance area, so the CR/VIP rooms are more heavily pushed and they're pricey. They range from $350-$550 depending on whether half an hour or hour and using their fancier "executive lounge" costs another $50. They also have a 15 minute option only on days that costs $250. All amounts don't include negotiated tips to girls and modest tips to bouncers.
Atlantis, Ford Heights, IL
It's kind of hard to describe this club. A very nice large upscale club, probably the closest to a Vegas style club in the entire state, which might seem unusual being in Ford Heights, which is right next to Chicago Heights which is next to Harvey. Or in others words, a strange place to put such a nice club, which may play a part in the club not being as busy as it could or should be. This is best a club for the weekends and late night weekends at that. It is a very large club, one of the biggest in the entire state (size, not number of girls), so seating is usually relatively easy to find, even on weekends, although sometimes the "regular" area fills up. The VIP (seating) sections are largely empty; the one upstairs is virtually never used.
Valet is $5, or at least that fee is required if they let you self-park, later in the evening and usually only on weekends and some weeknights though, and the evening cover is higher at $10-$20 depending on weeknights or weekends. But if you go there enough, the bouncers and hosts will certainly recognize you and probably let you use their name to get comped out of the cover. Unlikely to benefit someone that just visits on the rarest occasions. Service is generally pretty good, noticeably better than the other clubs mentioned, at least for the most part. Also the food is supposedly excellent, like fine restaurant quality but not crazy expensive either. I don't generally eat at strip clubs though.
The club opens later (after 3 pm) so day shift is mostly underwhelming. As an aside, every club mentioned in this sub-article besides PoleKatz (which closes at 4) closes at 6am on weekends, an hour or two earlier on other days, and the Admiral which is open from 7pm to 6am every single day. Songs are usually cut a bit shorter (just over 3 minutes compared to 3.5 minutes or even quite a bit more occasionally on weekends) during those slow times as well. I've seen several of the same girls i saw the very first time i went there over 5 years ago still there now. A couple of those left and came back, however, with life changes and all that. So this is a club that girls like to stay at if they can make it there. There are about a similar number of girls (maybe a bit more on nights, but definitely less on days) and similar mix of girls working at Atlantis as 390, as well as similar quality, with a slight edge toward the higher end of talent at Atlantis, but maybe just a slightly higher average talent at 390 if that makes any sense. All i know is that the "bad bitches" that make it there tend to stay there for a longer time compared to 390 where i only know of one or two girls there that have been there "forever".
The main stage is fairly large with a long pole; the club has higher ceilings than compared to just about every other club i've been to, giving it a more spacious and airy atmosphere. There are also two satellite stages flanking the main stage. The actual stage shows are underwhelming though. The poles are stationary so it takes more strength and effort to do anything impressive on them (outside of climbing them) and a lot of girls avoid any real pole work. And the stage is essentially topless only, if that, with maybe marginally more contact or interaction than at PoleKatz. So it's an odd disconnect seeing a club that seems to be fairly stage dominated in layout get so little actual attention on the stage. Many of the girls seem to try to avoid the stage as well as it's a bit of a waste of time and effort for most of them, most of the time. It just seems like an area that could be vastly improved for the benefit of both dancers and PLs.
Dances are a little more all over the place regarding mileage at Atlantis compared to 390. There is only one dance price at $30 and many girls are notorious for not getting naked, at least on the first dance or even the first few dances, and some not at all. So make sure of what the girl intends to do before you go back. YMMV is definitely appropriate here. VIPs/CRs are $300 and $500 for half hour/full hour. There is also a $600 room, but it's just a bigger room with a better angle for privacy (all the rooms have one open wall); no need to upgrade. Again, YMMV so be clear with your girl about what you are paying for. Once again tips (probably similar to 390) for all open hands are not included in that pricing.
Unlike the first two articles, i'm pretty to very confident of the current info and details of these four clubs, but i'm still open to a few surprises.
Conclusion? This whole series was long winded enough and I've run out of tepid quips. I don't want to say after all this ado that there are only 3-6 clubs out of 30 or so worth visiting based on preference, but there might really be only 3-6 clubs worth visiting. That number used to be closer to 8-12, but Club O and Skybox closed (or changed ownership/management), Arnie's got worse, Jimmy's got worse (unless you liked the more urban transition, but it still got more expensive), so did Industrial Strip and Fantasy. Ocean never reached anywhere near it's potential and keeps declining. It's even more striking that this all happened in the last 1-3 years at most. No new clubs in the horizon, although there is a billboard on the interstate near Harvey and corresponding website that talks about a new Players Club possibly in development, but i don't know if that will really turn into anything. Anyway, i could say it all depends on what you want or what you're looking for but i can't say that you will find what you are looking for.
And that's it, folks. Hope you were able to enjoy your stay.
A Primer on Chicago strip clubs, Part III (The Climax!)
January 12, 2019January 17, 2019 (captainfun)