DJ's Were People Once Too, or Last Night a DJ Banged Your Wife

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DJ's Were People Once Too, or Last Night a DJ Banged Your Wife

April 2, 2019
April 20, 2019 (jackel0001)
If you polled the non-DJ contingent of folks who patron a strip club, the overwhelming opinion of them is that they're sub-human, walking STD's, whos larynxs have been cloned from Casey Kasem's crack addicted bizarro-world doppleganger, destined for an arguably classier career move operating the tilt-a-whirl at county fairs and town anniversaries BFE-wide after they've overstayed their scrotum in every booth within commuting range of the Toyota Celica of Theseus they double park in the "rock star" spaces nearest to the door of your favorite wife and familial obligation avoidance establishment. Which is a humorously try-hard manner of saying practically anyone who likes strip clubs HATES strip club DJ's, or at least barely tolerates them, or has evolved a psychological means of tuning them out of their strip club experience.

For the record, our opinion of the majority of you isn't exactly cupcakes and rainbows, but your Bed and Bathworks drenched, swan origami dollars pay our share of the bills, so whatever foregone "attitude" you perceive when we're asking you not to place liquid in the vicinity of the electrical cage in which we're ensconced is an order of magnitude less than we'd like to express, if it weren't for the fact that the overwhelming majority of us are one overblown, entitled complaint away from seeing our names on even fewer days of the schedule than we're already capable of affording. What can I say? Toyota Celica catalytic converters aren't cheap.

To be fair, the lion's share of DJ's in the industry haven't exactly Dougie'd their way off the pages of Esquire, so the first world umbrage you've developed for your local silicon jockey probably isn't entirely unjustified, but make like Ripley and believe it (or not) when I say that there are a quantifiable number of us who take the job seriously and operate as ethically and business-minded as a body can in an industry fueled by Coor's Light and a Henny Youngman shaped experience of marriage where your sacred commitment should be (don't worry, single guys and self-styled "players," you're probably fundamentally flawed in functionally identical manners, just so it's clear we're not discriminating married men disproportionately.)

Those of us who take the job seriously enjoy the work on the whole, and no, we don't simply hate every warm body that steps through the door. However, one can only stand to have the phrase, "Man, you've got the best job in the world," lobbed at you like an errant popcorn sliver from a dentally questionable mouth so many times before you scream "WHAT THE F$&* AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY TO THAT?" instead of pretending there's any kind of reasonable response to vapidly observing things out loud to someone at their place of employment.

And I get it, believe me, I do. Especially with the advent of digital audio playback, it very much seems as if we're standing behind a poorly carpentered cube of rope lights and glossy spray paint rehearsing semi-believable excuses for the condom falling off while we deafen everyone in earshot with an uneven playlist of songs you're vaguely familiar with, but we do indeed have duties, many mandated by ownership and management. For starters, there's an art to playing the kind of music the dancers want to hear (ostensibly and alternatively the most annoying or the slowest music ever assembled by an anthropomorphic flat billed hat, or the saw player in a neo-vaudevillian dubstep cover octet), the kind of music management wants to hear (the old "totally not racist" "no hip hop or R&B" mandate, flimsily buoyed by the eternal "gang hang out inevitability" fear that playing music created by black people will draw them out of the woodwork and create a crips HQ, meanwhile the local biker gang's cuts are somehow magically not "gang attire," and half the playlist is rap and R&B by proxy of the Billboard top 100), and fielding off the wall requests older than the mean age of our dancers, disguised as attempts to seem either musically literate or representative of "what everyone in the club really wants to hear," amidst the fifth "clever" request for A Lap Dance is Always Better When the Stripper's Crying, as I reach for every DJ booth's secret stash of sick bags, and borrow another pair of tampons from the nearest dancer to stem the omnipresent flow of blood from my long suffering auditory cavities.

"So, boohoo buttboy, you have to play some songs you don't like, Mr. 'Scott 4 is the Best Scott Walker Album.' No one gives a shit about the 'brilliant' Crime and the City Solution song you want to play for the one dancer who likes Nick Cave that you told she'd 'totally dig.' Here's a playlist for you... Pour Some Sugar On Me, Girls Girls Girls, Cherry Pie, Wanted - Dead or Alive, Candy Shop, and I'm Too Sexy (ironically, of course). Just play those on repeat and sprinkle in any Rage Against the Machine, System of a Down and Disturbed songs everyone knows, and quit your whining."
Even in the "best job in the world," there are parts of it you're bound to dislike. That's not the source of our ire, nor the 9,001 carat jadedness we exude like department store cologne. Honestly, the main gripe of any strip club DJ worth their salt is the entitled attitude of some co-workers and customers alike, but that's not likely to change any time soon, so we pick our battles. It just so happens those battles manifest in a deeply rooted reluctance to play Lady Gaga like she's still relevant, or whatever smash hit storming the nation everyone wants to hear ten times a day, (nevermind the fact that Porche has "claimed" that song as "hers" and will legitimately throw a temper tantrum if I play it for your favorite dancer, who, inevitably isn't Porche because strip club Dj's don't have that kind of luck... our luck is more like the "found a lighter with enough fluid to light our offbrand cigarette during the three and a half minutes we have to smoke one 3/4ths of the way into our shift" kind of luck.)

Additional duties include, but are not limited to; managing stage rotation (providing the dancers are on time to both shift and stage), coordinating revised lineups and potential rotation changes due to VIP dances and other activities that might cause a dancer to not make stage, communicating with absentees, no calls no shows, and possibly scheduling dancers weekly shift requests (less common), advertising specials, events, and non-stage activities, as well as reminders to, erm, absent-minded customers to tip dancers and bartenders alike, being an extra pair of eyes (I do not care what anyone says, a building full of drunk men and naked women is a powder keg waiting to explode, it may do so at any moment, and in many situations there are more patrons than there are able bodied staff capable of controlling a violent or angry crowd,) bussing tables and taking care of stray litter and clutter, supplemental barbacking, and generally being the "voice" of the club," keeping the atmosphere appropriate to owner or management specified themes, dancer costume themes, general customer interests, etc., while possessing a comprehensive knowledge of musical styles and trends, as well as audio engineering tasks, such as maintaining a loudspeaker sound system and associated equipment, etc. Hell, I've worked for clubs where, at the end of the night, I helped clean the lobby, video lottery room, kitchen and bathroom, and I ran our drops to the bank. Additionally, I had a food handlers card and made food in a pinch, and if anything ever happened to a bartender, I also had a license to dispense liquor.

It's effectively a co/assistant management position, and anyone who takes the job seriously and wants to do a good job walks a fine line between the eventual jadedness the industry instills in even the most happy-go-lucky of people, but due to the nature of the industry, it attracts all manner of irresponsible and personally odious people, essentially committed only to compiling a pool of "loose" women to sleep with. I'd rather make money and friends with my coworkers and help provide a safe environment for others to conduct a business traditionally associated with risks and issues not found in other occupations. I deal with more rude, entitled, obnoxiously inebriated people than polite, generous, casually intoxicated folk who fail to understand that they are in mine and my co-workers house, and not a service that unconditionally waits on them hand and foot, so if I seem a little... brisk up front, its because myself and my coworkers are harassed, abused, stereotyped, misrepresented and imposed upon in numerous ways basically every day of our professional lives. It does things to your brain.

I'm sure this won't change anyone's opinion of people, especially DJ's in the industry. In fact I thoroughly expect a barrage of people who only read the first paragraph, skim the rest and cherry pick things to object in order to continue their lazy prejudice of people in an already maligned industry, but if you take away nothing else from this, know that there are some of us who may come across like the embodiment of everything you "already know" about strip club DJ's, but last night we had to clean up cocaine vomit in the dressing room and had exactly 4 people call us "faggot" for playing a song that somehow threatened their masculinity, and finished up the night walking to our car with our keys between our fingers because a club full of drunks routinely awake at 2:30AM saw us leave the building for a darkened parking lot with at least $100 in mixed bills. Most of us are just trying to do what's expected of us and get home without another bar fight story (though, to be fair, they are kinda cool to tell). The general assumptions made by both sides contribute to an unnecessary climate of hostility in an industry whose primary purpose is the promotion of fantasy, so maybe both sides could do with a little less animosity towards each other. Amidst a sea of douchebags, consider that we've got a job to do, and maybe we'll try to remember what it was like to walk into a club to have a good time, and not just to be there for 8 hours at a time and leave with a paycheck.

M.
April 2, 2019
Nicely done
April 3, 2019
The day DJ at my main club is quite good.

The night DJ is super annoying
April 3, 2019
I once was enamored with a dancer who resisted my every effort to get in her thong. After weeks of buying 10 dances at a time I finally learned she was living with one of the DJ’s who was very popular with the dancers. One night the target of my affection asked if we could go to VIP. She was specific about which booth we were to go to and it dawned on me that this was barely visible from the DJ’s perch. In this booth there were two leather couches and an overstuffed arm chair near the entry. She had me sit in the chair as she quickly dropped her clothes, dropped to her knees and made it clear she was going to blow me and wanted to make sure the DJ was watching. I didn’t want to interrupt this momentous occasion but I later learned that they had broken up that morning. I have never seen such vitriol in one person. The next night at her apartment after BBFS she outlined a plan to “fuck up his life”. I remember it included setting his classic Mustang on fire, poisoning his dog, and several other heinous acts. DJ’s have a very tough job.
April 4, 2019
Give this man 6 months of free VIP! Interesting and very well written.
April 4, 2019
I don't know where you work, but at my favorite clubs the DJ makes a ton of money, mostly from dancer tip-outs. And everybody know that stripper money is non-taxable. The DJ, a middle-aged man who is not suave or handsome, also gets more free pussy than seems fair to us PLs.
April 4, 2019
In my favorite club the DJ seems to be the shift manager, I go in the afternoons it may be different at night. He helps the girl tending bar. I tend to order high end scotch and he appreciates that and let’s me know when he has a new single malt in to try. He has occasionally given me a free refill. The dancers seem to like and respect him and he treats them with respect as far as I can tell. It is wise to become good friends with the bar tender as well. You get more generous pours.
April 4, 2019
IME, there is usually no interaction b/w customers and the DJ - the DJ is often in an area away from the custies and often somewhat out of sight - in my 100s of visits I've rarely interacted w/ the DJ nor noticed custies interacting w/ the DJ (particularly in the larger clubs where he's often far away and often fairly out of sight w.r.t. the custies).

From my POV of a hardcore SCer, the DJ is inconsequential to my visit and he's only on my radar if he's somehow fucking up my visit - as far as I'm concerned a good DJ is one that I don't notice during a visit - as a hardcore SCer I go to SCs for the ladies, not for the DJ and w/e skills he may have or think he may have - from my POV it seems a good # of DJs are self-absorbed and have too-high an opinion of themselves as if the club couldn't run w/o them or as if somehow they are integral to my visit and my fun.

Not having walked in a DJ's shoes, I can imagine it can be a challenging job trying to keep everyone happy as you mentioned; pretty-much any job dealing directly w/ lots of people and the public and trying to keep everyone satisfied often comes w/ its challenges.

For a good-part of my close to 20-year SCing career the DJ was never an issue - some of them are actually good particularly in upscale clubs, some of them genuinely have a good sense of humor and keep things moving smoothly and can make the visit more enjoyable - but in dive clubs it seems anyone w/ a pulse can be a "DJ" and many are annoying AF and actually take away from the visit rather than adding to it or at least making the visit neutral - IMO many DJs seem to have an inflated opinion of themselves and wanna interject themselves into the show as if they were key to a custy having a good time, whereas I just wanna focus on interacting w/ the girls rather than hearing some arrogant prick do his one man show over the mic and him not being funny nor talented and him thinking o/w.

My main issues w/ DJs came about from hitting small black clubs which I visit mostly b/c they have the type of dancers I like (big bootty ebonies) - small black clubs often function and have a different M.O. than non-black clubs - they are often more like party-clubs and hang-out places where most of the custies seem to prefer to just hang-out, drink, smoke, and even dance to the music, kinda treating the SC like a hip-hop club or houseparty, and not really buying dances for the most part - the DJs in these black clubs often follow suit w/ the "party" M.O. and also treat the club like it was a house-party or glorified hiphop club and these DJs seem to think they are "the life of the party" and the most important thing in the club (vs the dancers being the most important thing) - they will try to impress the crowd "with their DJ skills" by mixing songs like if they were in a hiphop club and cutting them at any time sometimes even under a minute - and you as a custy that likes to get/buy dances then get screwed and you're at the mercy of the DJ that thinks his mixing/DJing skills are more important to the club than the custies getting dances or the dancers selling dances - these black-club DJs will often be shouting over the mic like a hype-man as if they were in a hiphop club to where at times one can't even hear the song over the DJ barking at the mic, and he won't stop, this goes on constantly - at times these black-club DJs will even stop the song altogether in the middle, so they can give their opinion on something or just crack jokes that are not funny and that no one is paying attention to, and you and your dancer just gotta stand there till he finishes his one-man show/jokes and starts the music again so you can continue w/ your dances - yet these guys either seem they can't help themselves or think they are that good and that the crowd really enjoys their BS as if the crowd was there to see "their performance".

Again - my experience is the exception since it's mostly relegated to the small black clubs I've hit (and not all black club DJs are the same but it's def an issue and more-so in the past years IME) - in the mixed-clubs for the most-part I don't notice the DJ (which is my preference since I'm not there for them) - my biggest gripe w/ DJs is cutting songs short but IDK if this is solely their discretion or likely at the direction of management - in some clubs I've heard the excuse the DJs cut the songs short b/c the dancers don't wanna be on stage too-long which I think is BS since then the club is gypping the customers in favor of the dancers which IMO is bad business (I SC a lot and like to get lots of dances and at times have avoided clubs certain clubs altogether b/c I've felt I was getting very poor value w.r.t. song-lengths for the kinda $$$ I was spending).
April 5, 2019
seems that most DJs are annoying.
April 9, 2019
The DJ at Paradise Showgirls in La Puente California is the worst. If you read reviews you know extras are fairy easy to come by. The DJ there calls people fags and pretty much implies to everyone that you know you came into fuck so get to it. Fuckin hate that shit
April 9, 2019
The DJ at Paradise Showgirls in La Puente California is the worst. If you read reviews you know extras are fairy easy to come by. The DJ there calls people fags and pretty much implies to everyone that you know you came into fuck so get to it. Fuckin hate that shit
April 10, 2019
Well written and entertaining. And persuasive -- I'm now at least 30% sure that DJs are actual humans and not pod-people, which is a whole lot more sure than I was previously :)

In the club I go to most often, during dayshift, the DJ I'm sure does all the things you describe. The one thing he does NOT do -- and honestly, the one thing all us PLs and amateur customers alike hate about DJs -- is scream into the mic constantly. He announces the girls onto stage, he announces them back off, he lets us know when they're taking the buffet away. Love him. Unlike most PLs on tuscl, I tend to socialize with the staff a little, since it tends to get me favors back. In this case, sometimes I buy him a shot, which he acts like is the biggest act of generosity he's ever received; for his part, he sometimes skips calling my girl onto the stage. Win win man.

Anyway, I guess I'm spoiled, because it irritates me more than ever when the DJ is screaming to tip the girls and go do dances and whatever other crap they say.
April 14, 2019
Oddly, most woman DJs I’ve heard in clubs (Fantasy in Baltimore is one example) try to do an exaggerated but nasal Casey Kasem-on-crack impersonation such as referenced by the OP. I’ve heard a couple others that aren’t bad, but it can be annoying.
April 20, 2019
never met a stripclub dj i liked. or staff at a club i liked. they're all scum
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