The Tao of rick: if you are a rick it is good to be an asshole but you shouldn’t

San Jose Ape misunderstands what it is to be a rick. He believes that we are sociopaths. Not so. The rick way is to wear badass suits, fuck sexy female hairless apes, pretend to be a chemical engineer, and drive drunk. Such is the birthright of ricks! Why are these things permitted for ricks but not for you damn dirty apes? Simple! We have to find a balance. One who is 100% a dick would drive drunk and risk killing apelings and cubs. We ricks value the young, so we find ways to ensure that only adult apes are injured when we drive drunk. I suppose that is kind of asshole-ish, but I say that it does not matter because the victims are just damn dirty apes. For you see, we ricks are the paragon of animals. In action we are like angels. Badass suit-wearing angels. In apprehension we are as gods. Can a god be a sociopath? I don’t think so! ROAR!!!