I am done with seatbelts

Saturday, May 8, 2021 12:07 PM
Like the title says, I am done with seatbelts now. Damn gumming ain’t gonna tell this rick to wear a frickin’ seatbelt. I’m a rick, ain’t no storm nor virus nor immobile object that I slam into a high velocity gonna hurt me. Other people wearing seatbelts pisses me off too. I mean really, I went through the trouble of reprogramming my Tesla autopilot to have a rick mode. The whole point of rick mode it to emulate the swerving and random acceleration/braking actions of a completely drunk rick while still reasserting control around cubs and apelings (for they are the future). The fun of rick mode driving is that you can have a gimlet in one hand and a rickarita in the other and you still get to watch damn dirty apes bounce off your hood when you hit them. Well, how the fuck are you supposed to enjoy idiot apes flyin’ out of their cars when you hit them...uh, let’s says “accidentally”? Answer me that you frickin’ liberal assholes!!! ROAR!!!!

25 comments

First off - seatbelt laws likely cover hairless apes only. That would exclude most all Ricks - except possibly one. How do you avoid spilling your drinks when hairless apes are bouncing off your Tesla? Those hairless apes must damage your paint job?
Cashman1234
3 years ago
Gained a little weight have you ? Maybe you need to lay off the wildebeests
twentyfive
3 years ago
I think you should disconnect the airbags too!
shailynn
3 years ago
Seatbelts? Shoot, I bet some of you frightened alcohol intolerant dayshift types had special 5 point harness systems installed in your cars with the money you saved by not buying strip club alcohol. After all we can never be too safe. Am I right or am I right? ;)
rickdugan
3 years ago
As usual you are absolutely right my brother from a hairless ape mother. But - with no disrespect intended - I’d like to remind you that many normal apes cannot wrap their tiny little brains around the sheer badassery of being rick. You sometimes forget that “the mundanes” simply cannot pull of the daily activities that define our rickness. Indeed, I am going to start advocating a new verb: to rick. Definition: to engage in forms of badassery that would be dangerous to mundanes but totally safe for us ricks. I’ll use it in a sentence: Yesterday I ricked by picking up a hooker, turning on the Tesla’s autopilot, and going 100 mph down I-75 while fuckin’ said hooker’s brains out. Oh yeah, I was also chugging my drivin’ gin while fuckin’ the hooker. BOOM BABY! ROAR!!!
rickthelion
3 years ago
^^^ ha ha, lmfao😆!! You should write an article on how to be a Rick.
Mate27
3 years ago
I wonder whether juice wears a seatbelt. 😁
nicespice
3 years ago
^^ referring to da’ mane? He needs no protection.
Mate27
3 years ago
If the OP is an analogy for restrictions related to the recent viral outbreak, it seems off-target. (Unless someone actually resents other people taking vaccinations, in which case, that punch landed.)
how
3 years ago
^ I have to agree that this one was pretty forced. Some of the Lion's material is pretty funny, but this was a stretch. I'm also often thrown when the Lion references his vegetarian car, but that could be a me thing - idk.
rickdugan
3 years ago
Rick is right! Masks, condoms, seatbelts, airbags, crumple zones, all driving safety laws, sunscreens, and all vaccines including polio, Covid19, measles, shingles, and smallpox vaccines, they’re all just hoaxes and distractions. I know this to be true because Mother Tucker and In-Hannity fold me so. Ain’t nobody gonna tell me what to do!
reverendhornibastard
3 years ago
Covid kills sick people. The vaccine kills sick people, but also well people. I know two who died personally. Dont know anyone who died from the coof. I don't know how to tie this to seat belts. Except the punishment for not wearing a seat belt shouldn't be greater than the outcome of not wearing a seat belt,
sideshow_bob
3 years ago
Sideshow - you should really say COVID kills hundreds of thousands of people, some of them sickly but they would all have lived longer were it not for the virus. The vaccine MAY have killed two ppl and made another small number of ppl sick. You people with your made up “facts” SMH.
623
3 years ago
^ It's impolitic to say this, but let's be real - almost everyone who "died from COVID" would have been dead by now anyway from other causes. In many cases COVID was just the straw that broke the camel's back, yet we attributed the deaths to COVID and not the underlying cancer/heart disease/[inset other horrible illness here].
rickdugan
3 years ago
rickdugan's "impolitic" remark is actually true, per CDC data. They report that 94.3% of all those whose deaths were attributed to COVID actually died of an average of 4 other "comorbidities."
how
3 years ago
"They report that 94.3% of all those whose deaths were attributed to COVID actually died of an average of 4 other "comorbidities."" I am so tired of hearing this nonsense. If the SARS-COV 2 virus caused the blood clot that caused the heart attack or stroke, if it destroyed the alveoli and caused the pneumonia that put the patient on a ventilator, if it caused the kidney and multiple organ failure that lead to death, then Covid killed that patient. It doesn't matter that the ME listed Covid, pneumonia, and MI on the death cert. It doesn't matter if the patient had DM2 or afib as comorbidity prior to exposure. Patients live for decades with well managed "comorbidities". A simple analogy: Dude gets hit by a truck going 45 mph. Coroner lists skull fracture, cerebral laceration, and laceration of the aorta as cause of death. NewsMax reports truck collisions don't kill pedestrians because the death certs listed three "comorbidities" and Ford Raptor wasn't even on the list.
datinman
3 years ago
Justin, the overwhelming majority of COVID deaths occurred in people 70 years and older with a bunch of other medical issues that would have killed most of them by now even without COVID. A third of all of our COVID deaths occurred in nursing homes. We are not talking about a group of people who had decades of life ahead of them that was suddenly snatched away, lol.
rickdugan
3 years ago
When it comes to Covid 19, there are two groups of people: Those with first hand knowledge and those with internet informed opinions. The fact you ended your sentence with "lol" tells me all I need to know. Watch a 17 year old high school girl, a track team member, die from a pulmonary embolism, you wouldn't fucking "lol".
datinman
3 years ago
Justin, there are definitely random one-off examples of otherwise healthy seeming people who were taken by COVID. But that is true of any number of illnesses, including the flu. We can't make broad policy decisions or run the country based upon freakish low percentage tragedies. In order to move forward, we have to take a realistic view of the relative risks and make reasonable decisions. For certain hyper-emotional risk averse men, that may involve first sacking the fuck up.
rickdugan
3 years ago
Btw Justin part of sacking the fuck up is having the intellectual focus and emotional fortitude to avoid assuming that others are less informed than you simply because they disagree with you. My "internet informed opinions" are based entirely upon data reported both by the CDC and Florida's Department of Health and are further buttressed by experiences on the ground.
rickdugan
3 years ago
Dick Dugan is such a narcissistic self serving twat that he can’t even try to understand facts apart from his own opinions. Bacon!!
JimGassagain
3 years ago
mr toolook and mr gassagain u dont want to be debatin with mr dugan. as mr dugan sez it is all based on acceptable risks. he has no doubt developed geneious cost-benefit risk analysis algorithms using cdc data to come up with the most optimal solution for everybody for example he has clearly stated that if there was an ongoing polio epidemic he would immunize his family against polio because it is one shot but would not if it required yearly shots. i suspect that he is absolutely rite becaus riding in a car while mr dugan is driving is very dangerous. apparently he is totally drunk off his ass every time he gets behind the wheel u can thank me later for clarifying ur geneious risk-benefit calculations. i know u are busy rite advising the county commissioner for cousinlover county wher u live so be sure to show ur work when u present all of ur policy proposals. ur doing gods work i hope this helps everybody understand the correct answer
DoctorPhil.
3 years ago
===> "as mr dugan sez it is all based on acceptable risks. he has no doubt developed geneious cost-benefit risk analysis algorithms using cdc data to come up with the most optimal solution for everybody" Hmmm...let me see.. Old people and others with comorbidities were doing the dying because they were the most vulnerable to COVID. Now they are not because they have largely been vaccinated, as has anyone else who desires the protection. So now we move forward. Whew, that was some strenuous analysis. Any questions?
rickdugan
3 years ago
Well, what about the children, Dick Dugan? In the meantime variants will continue to outpace vaccinations and by the time they can get ahold of this virus it will finally catch up to you when you are co-morbid. Hookers and drugs get you there faster, and you’re a self admitted professional in that department. Bacon!!
JimGassagain
3 years ago
i have a big question mr dugan: what the hell was that answer? i was expecting u to provide some detailed analysis and insights to show the other readers how smart u are but what u wrote makes it sound like everything the government did was perfect. after all what happened is that we shut down, everybody who needed protection has is, and now we are reopening. indeed the new cdc guidance is that vaccinated people should removes masks indoors. of course u know this since u read and understand the cdc every day of ur life i sure hope u havent posted any criticism of the government closure actions in the past because u sure seem to support their actions now. i have to say that i have questions about whether the government couldnt have found a better balance between protecting the vulnerable and keeping things open. for example this closure was hard on kids. but i bet u havent thought about that i am disappointed in u
DoctorPhil.
3 years ago
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