Massage parlor etiquette for the novice monger

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Feb 2009
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Massage parlor etiquette for the novice monger
February 19, 2009
When I first learned about massage parlors and what could be had behind those blacked-out windows, I scoured the Internet for information. I wanted to know exactly what to do and say — down to the last detail — to ensure a good time. I found some good information, but I didn't find exactly what I was looking for: a step-by-step guide to that first massage parlor visit. Hopefully this will help someone who was in my position to be a little more relaxed that first time.

(Note: The following is hypothetical and for informational purposes only. It is not based on any actual experience, and I do not advocate or encourage illegal activity of any sort.)

First, do your research. You should know what you want, and pick a place that'll give it to you. Find out everything you can about the place: when it's open, whether you should call for an appointment, how many girls are on staff, how do the girls rate (based on appearance, age, service), do they offer what you want (HJ, FS, etc.), what is the standard rate (house fee plus tip), and so on. If you ask me, the right place is worth a bit of a drive, so don't limit your search to any particular area. (I'll list at the end of this article some good sources of information for starting your research.)

Now you've picked your place and you're ready to go. Before leaving, make sure you're clean — you're much more likely to have a good time if the girl isn't repulsed by your B.O. or bad breath. If you smoke or drink a lot of coffee, take a breath mint with you. Bring only the money you plan to spend, and it's probably a good idea to leave any credit cards or identifying information (except for your driver's license) at home. You may opt to leave this stuff in your car once you get to the place, but consider the area you'll be in. If it's in a seedy part of town (which it is likely to be), you might not want that stuff in your car either.

Once you've arrived, you'll want to go inside. Wait! Look around for anything suspicious. If there are people hanging around, wait for them to leave. Anything that makes you feel uneasy is a good enough reason to bail. Not only do you need to be mindful of law enforcement, but it's not uncommon for massage parlor patrons to be mugged; after all, they probably won't call the police. Also, be considerate of other hobbyists. If you see someone walk in, wait a few minutes before going up, to give him time to get out of sight. If you're comfortable, go on up to the door.

There'll probably be a buzzer next to the door; press it and wait to be let in. Once you're in, someone (possibly an older "mamasan," or the girl who'll be giving you your massage) will ask you to pay the house fee. This is usually $60-80. She'll probably ask if you've been there before. I've always just been honest, and it's never resulted in a disappointing experience, so that's what I'd recommend you do. You'll be led to a private room and told to get comfortable. The girl will leave, and this is your cue to take your clothes off. If you've been offered a shower (and if you are, accept the offer), the girl will be back to lead you to the shower room. If not, just lie face-down on the massage table.

Most places will offer you a shower (or "table shower"), which you should absolutely agree to, even if you're clean. You might see a robe hanging nearby, or otherwise there will be towels. Cover yourself and wait for the girl to return. She'll take you to a shower stall with a rubber-padded table. Uncover yourself and lie face-down after the girl pours some warm water over the table. She'll wash you with soap and rinse you off, on both sides. She may flirt with you or tease you, so be pleasant and respond kindly to her attention. If you're lucky, you'll get a glimpse of what's to come!

When you're done on both sides, stand up and hold your arms out to either side while she dries you off. Then she'll wrap the towel around your waist and — if they have one — ask if you want to sit in the sauna. Your choice, but I've always figured, why not. After she comes back and leads you to the massage room, take off your towel and lie face-down on the table. She may ask you what kind of massage you want (light, medium, or hard pressure, etc.), but it doesn't really matter. You can really only expect a so-so massage, so I'll usually just say medium if she asks at all (and she probably won't, actually). She'll massage your shoulders and back, and work her way down, and this is usually pretty relaxing if not therapeutic. She may tease you a little too, so just enjoy it.

When she's done with your back, she'll ask you to flip over, and she may massage your chest for a minute before asking what you want to do next. This is when you tell her what you came for. Remember all that research you did? You should know what you can and can't get and how much it costs. If not, just say what you want (or gesture, if her English isn't good), and she'll let you know if it's available. She may want her tip before doing anything, but I wouldn't offer it until she asks. A good provider knows what you came for and that you don't plan on stiffing her (well, not that way anyway), and if you've been a good customer so far she'll probably just wait and let you tip her when all's said and done. (This is not always the case, however; some of these girls are simply not good providers. That's why you try to weed out the bad ones by researching first.)

Once you understand each other, she'll leave the room for a minute (to get "something"), come back, and get undressed. I'll leave this part to your imagination. Don't expect anything you aren't offered. Don't be too demanding. If you ask and she says she won't do it, drop it. It was your job to know what you could get before you came. If you ask for something you know is usually provided and she won't do it, it's probably just because you're a new customer, and she may not be comfortable doing certain things with new customers. Again, don't press the issue. Maybe just ask, "How about next time?" or say, "You sure? I'm a real good tipper." But if the answer is still no, leave it at that. I can't stress this enough: treat her with as much respect as you would any other girl. And yes, you absolutely must wear protection.

After the grand finale, she'll clean you off and may massage you a little more. She'll let you know when she's done, and now is the time to tip if you haven't already. She'll probably count it in front of you, and she may ask you for more. If you know you've given her the standard rate, be firm; she may be trying to take advantage of your inexperience. Then again, if you've followed my advice so far she'll probably assume you know what the deal is, and she won't try to milk you any more than she already has (get it?). Of course, if she went above and beyond — extra time, offered nonstandard "extras" (GFE) — you may want to give her a little extra.

Hopefully this is enough information to get you started. For more tips, reviews, and general hobbying information, check out the following sites: www.spahunters.com, www.usasexguide.info, www.utopiaguide.com.
Oct 2009
Aug '11
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This was a very informative article, thanks for sharing your knowledge.  As a novice to spas I found your information very useful and on point.
Feb 2004
Mar '10
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Good article, thanks.  I have been to a few AMP's but many years ago.  One was a fabulous experience that I'll remember the rest of my life, one was a bit ... disappointing ... I got a massage!  Thanks for the sites, I'll be checking things out locally.
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As some of you have realised I made a second trip to New Zealand for three weeks from late Aug to mid Sept. Here's a brief overview of how I found things on my second trip.

Prostitution still remains legal in NZ. In my view this has pluses and minuses, the plus is you don't have to worry about getting busted as you guys say over there, personally I have never worried about it myself. There's also easy access to many working girls either through high street massage parlours or through many ads that can be found in daily newspapers or online. There's also street walkers in certain parts of the town after nightfall.

The minuses are that I believe legalising it means all the 4's and upwards think they are super models and finding a true beauty is much harder to find. In London there are enough girls that you could have one 10 a day every day of the year and still have more to choose from.

Backpage Auckland works well, the standard is a bit iffy but I managed to see an ad for a European Kiwi girl and her ad was really catching so I called her. I was captivated by her during our chat and after an evening at 'The White House' saw her. She was every bit as good as I had hoped and more, exceptional value at NZ$ 200 for an hour.

Be careful what you wish for if you want to see prostitution legalised in the U.S.A.
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"You smell nice." How many times have we heard this line, thinking it was "stripper shit" ? Maybe so, but IMHO, there is some degree of truth to this. I think they mainly appreciate that you (we) bothered to shower and put something nice smelling on prior to club visit. Still, not all fragrances are created equal. Which ones seemed to garner the greatest percentage of positive reactions, and which ones kept dancers one zip code away from you ?

Before I dive into the meat of the article, a word about terminology. Notice that title said "Fragrances." Men's fragrances are often called colognes, and women's fragrances perfumes. Technically, all fragrances are diluted perfume oil to varying degrees. The 3 most common concentrations are as follows:
1) Eau De Cologne-(EDC)- 2% to 5% perfumed oil
2) Eau De Toilette- (EDT)- 4% to 10% perfumed oil
3) Eau De Parfum- (EDP)- 8% to 15% perfumed oil
There is some overlap between categories. Indeed, I have seen some EDT's with greater projection and longevity than EDP's. Just another reason to try before buy, and not get taken in by hype or higher classification.

Now for the meat of the article, I have broken down the fragrances into 3 groups. Group A are fragrances that I personally like, AND have garnered the strongest positive remarks/ highest percentage of compliments. Not just "you smell nice", but going so far as asking what it is I'm wearing. Saying things like "you smell so damn nice", "I don't want you wearing anything else", etc. Group B are fragrances that either got a good amount of mundane "you smell nice" comments, or else didn't get that many, but the few they did get were a stronger positive reaction. Group C are fragrances that I like, but either elicited virtually no complements, or got mixed reviews. Group A is ranked in order, Group B and C in no particular order.

GROUP A: Reyanne Insurrection Pure 2, Bleu de Chanel, Polo Blue, Joop Night Flight, Ferrari Essence Oud.

Insurrection Pure 2 was far and away the leader. I've had 2 dancers at different clubs ask me if I was wearing Creed Aventus (a $300 plus fragrance, very well reviewed). IP2 only cost me ~ $25 online, so some good bang for buck there. The other 4 were well complimented too.

GROUP B: Polo Black, Dolce & Gabbana The One, Mont Blanc Individuel, Perry Ellis M, Perry Ellis 360 Black, CE Bigelow Elixir Blue, Issey Miyake Bleu. The last one is one of my favorites that didn't get that many compliments, but one dancer flat out called it a Pantie Dropper.

GROUP C: Cartier Roadster, Boucheron Jaipur Homme, Givenchy Gentlemen Only, Halston 1-12. The later (H 1-12) got a few basic compliments, but one night a dancer asked me if I was wearing Old Spice. (Translation- "you smell like an old man") Roger that, I confine H1-12 to church and appointments with my financial advisor.

WHERE TO BUY: Even in today's online world, I suspect a lot of people still want to try, and buy off the shelf. For people living within 5 miles of a major mall, Macy's, Sephora, etal, are no-brainer choices. For many people, it comes down to "Wally World." (Walmart or Walgreen's). The later because you live in a small town, or you're on a trip, and the only place you can find open for your 10pm club visit is, well, "Wally World." Amazon is a very obvious choice for online buying. You can get many fragrances amazingly cheap there. They carry many that you just can't find in department stores. One downside to blind buying is many online retailers don't accept returns, though in 2 cases I managed to at least get a partial credit of sorts.

FRAGRANCE WEBSITES: I would suggest www.fragrantica.com or www.basenotes.net. Either site is good for being an educated consumer, with reviews and forum sections. IMHO, Amazon reviews aren't that helpful because most of the people writing the reviews already like the fragrance and are utilizing Amazon as the best place to buy for cheap. Those 2 aforementioned sites have many avid fragrance enthusiasts on board who like trying every fragrance under the sun, and aren't bashful about expressing their opinions, good or bad. One reviewer samples the fragrances in the mall to kill time while his wife is shopping. He must have written over 200 reviews.

SOME TRAVEL AND BUYING TIPS

Those of us who do any amount of airline travel know about the 3oz rule for carry on liquids. I personally prefer 1 oz or less in carry on. I'm not a big fan of decants (often 1 to 2 ml.) One thing I noticed about air travel is that multiple cabin altitude cycles makes the fragrance noticeably stale. It takes a few days to recover to normal. In several cases, I wouldn't bother taking fragrance, but instead would go to "Wally World", and get a small travel size bottle to smell fresher for my club visits.
Lastly, whatever you do, don't rely on paper strip spray samples for purchase decision. Try it on your skin for at least an hour to see how it develops over time. In one case, I was initially enamored by the rich honey like opening in one sample. After 45 minutes or so, it took on a fertilizer like odor that just would not go away.

SOME CONCLUSIONS: Although YMMV caveat applies to fragrances too, it seems like dancers generally respond more favorably to Aquatic Type fragrances, versus Oriental, Spicy, Fougere, etc. I hope this article provided some enlightenment, please feel free to share your stories.
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Some strip club patrons see a smart phone as a bulky accessory that they’d rather not carry around inside of a strip club. For me, my smart phone is a toolbox that allows me to play the strip club game at a higher level. In this article, I will describe a few apps that I use during my strip club adventures and how they are useful.

1. Shazam is a music identification app that uses your phone’s microphone to identify songs. I use a setting on Shazam known as Auto Shazam where you can have the app automatically run during the duration of time you are at the strip club. It identifies and generates a play list of every song that was played and how long ago it was played. The value in using Auto Shazam is that you can use it to fight back against Rob's that over count songs.

Take for example a recent incident I had inside a club: I did four songs in the private dance area with a dancer. She tried to claim we were in the lap dance area for six songs. I flipped my phone on and showed her the play list that Auto Shazam had put together. I said, “Look, the first song you danced for me was ‘Purple Rain’, then we did two more songs, ‘Cream’ and ‘Kiss’, and finally finished on ‘When Doves Cry’. The dancer was flabbergasted that I was counting the songs not only in my head, but had visual proof on my smart phone. She backed down from her position and seemed embarrassed that I caught her in a lie. If she would have kept arguing, I would have taken my data from Auto Shazam to the manager, encouraging him to verify the song order with the DJ and even check the clubs cameras until I was vindicated.

The only flaw of Shazam is that it might not be able to identify extremely rare music that is not commercially available. But since every strip club I have ever stepped foot in plays commercial music very loudly, Auto Shazam has worked flawlessly. An added bonus of using Shazam is that if you hear a song that you like at the strip club, you can identify the artist and title and instantly buy it from iTunes or Google Play with one click.

2. The most common question I get on TUSCL is: “How are you able to remember so many details about a club and write such detailed reviews?” The app that facilitates my profusion of strip club intelligence is called Color Note. The Color Note app is essentially the neon Post-it Notes many of us use at the office and at home, only adapted to a smart phone. I use Color Note to type up my observations and experiences in the clubs I visit during lulls in the action. Many of the details I would otherwise forget had I not taken notes during my visit. When it is time to write a review, I open up the Color Note app and use my documentation to write a TUSCL review with detailed observations, tips, price schemes, and descriptions and ratings of specific dancers.

3. A lot of the strip clubs I go to in rural areas or smaller cities do not have full time DJ. Music is played off of jukeboxes. TouchTunes has by far the largest share of the digital jukebox market. They have an app that allows one to control the jukebox via their phone rather than physically using the touchscreen on the jukebox. One feature of this app is that you can see what the next few songs to play will be. As you gain higher prestige levels on the app, you get to see more songs waiting in the queue. I currently have enough prestige on my TouchTunes account to see the next five songs lined up to be played. If there are long songs coming up, you go get lap dances. If there are short songs about to be played, you delay on heading back for private dances.

Since clubs with jukeboxes typically make the dancers pay out of their own pockets for the songs that they dance to, dancers try to get customers to give them a couple bucks to pay for their songs. Instead of handing them dollars, get them to sit down at your table and help them pick their songs off the TouchTunes app. This allows you to flirt with the dancer for a bit, and you can sway her to play songs with longer abjurations. Another added benefit of playing the songs off the TouchTunes app versus the physical jukebox is the per song cost is cheaper when you buy a pack of credits through the app.

One particular night I was in a rural cabaret, and the dancers were not interested in parting with three dollars every time they were called up on stage, since they were not making much money to begin with. I loaded my TouchTunes account with a bulk amount of credits and became DJ Sinclair for the entire evening. Under normal circumstances, I would not recommend playing songs on the jukeboxes without consulting the dancers who will be dancing to them. Many dancers are extremely picky about the songs they dance to. Keep in mind, all establishments with TouchTunes jukeboxes have a remote for the jukebox that can be used to skip over unwanted songs. The second biggest player in the digital jukebox market is AMI Entertainment. This company also has an app to control their jukeboxes from smart phones.

4. A stopwatch app is typically a standard application on most smart phones. If you do not happen to have one by default on your smart phone, Simple Stopwatch is a good supplemental. A stopwatch is a useful gauge for determining the time value of private dance options. Take for example a strip club that offers thirty minutes of VIP time for $150 or private dances for $20 per song. You could use your stopwatch app to determine what the average song lengths are. If songs are approximately four minutes in length, value comes out equal. If songs are under four minutes, say three minutes to three and a half minutes, the VIP time is a better value. If individual songs are playing for over four minutes, say four and a half minutes to five minutes, then buying dances by the song is a better value.

The most often cases where I have used a stopwatch app in strip clubs are when I indulge in set-length private rooms or VIP sessions (e.g. thirty minutes or twenty minutes). Many clubs and dancers like to cut patrons short on the time they thought they were getting. Often bouncers will show up before the time duration is finished, or dancers will try to bug out early. I will start the stopwatch when the private time commences, put the screen face down on a table, and check it when a dancer or club staff member tells me time is up. If I have been shorted time, I just show them the stopwatch that I have been covertly running. Usually this is enough evidence to keep other parties from shorting me.

Make sure to use a stopwatch app, which counts upwards, and not a timer app that counts down. Timers set off alarms when the time duration expires. Occasionally, club staff or dancers, whichever is keeping track of time, will not be paying attention and your VIP session may go longer than the duration you paid for. For example, the last I did a thirty minute room, the VIP hostess got caught up with other duties, and my session went thirty-seven minutes rather than the thirty minutes I bargained for, according to my stopwatch app. If I would have used a timer app, an alarm would have been set off and I would have screwed myself out of seven minutes of bonus time.

5. Six or seven years ago, if you asked me how what was the best way to keep in touch with dancers from the club, I would have told you Google Voice. Nowadays, I would recommend Snapchat as the number one option. I have yet to meet one stripper, or young person under thirty, who does not have Snapchat on their phone. Snapchat is a photo and video sharing app that also allows instant messaging and video chat. Snapchat can be used anonymously as long as you do not allow the app to access your phone’s contacts and opt out of the Snap Map feature. For an extra layer of security, sign up using a burn phone number and a burn email address. On Snapchat, you simply create a user name and that is it. One does not need to maintain an online identity like one does on Facebook.

The fact that you can view sexy photos and videos from your strippers and communicate with private messages, while keeping as anonymous as the two of you desire, makes Snapchat a very fun app. It is interesting to see vignettes of strippers’ lives outside of work that they post to their story. You learn a little bit about what their hobbies and interests are, and that makes conversing easier when you socialize in person. In the case that a stripper does not want to share their Snapcode or user name, fall back on Google Voice or any other burn number app.

From traveling around the United States to over two hundred gentlemen’s clubs, I have seen about twenty percent of strip clubs openly trying to discourage smart phone use in their establishments via signage. About eight to ten percent of strip clubs strictly enforce a “no phone” policy by way of sending bouncers after any offenders. In these instances, a vestibule, a patio, or the pisser might be the only places where one can use their smart phone, essentially preventing one from using their strip club toolbox. Feel free to share information about any apps that help you find value or gather intelligence in your strip club adventures.
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A couple of years back, I posted a summary of Albuquerque Strip Clubs with the expectation that some of the visitors to Albuquerque’s famous Balloon Fiesta could use the information. I thought it time to update that summary.

Summary of changes to the Albuquerque strip club scene from the last report:
1. TD’s North is more open and available for fun than it was previously. Its rating is higher.

2. Knockouts is less fun than it was, and although it is still inexpensive, it is not longer the good deal it has been in the past.

3. TD’s Eubank is about the same.

4. I have not been to Fantasy World since my last report, but reports from others suggest it hasn’t changed much, which to say it is an over priced poor experience.

5. Club 203 near Moriarty has closed. Never a good deal, it will not be missed.

Albuquerque is a good, but not great strip club town. It is not an extras town, but they can be found with the right dancer. As usual, just ask. The dancer will likely say no, but you never know. I would say that your probability of getting extras has increased since the last summary I wrote though. The enforcement of strip club rules waxes and wanes in Albuquerque. I think that they are not being enforced too stringently these days. You can tell when the rules are being enforced because the dancers cover their nipples with latex. Part of the ordinance governing strip clubs contains a very old clause that the nipples should be covered, and so transparent latex is the solution. Most dancers will remove the latex if you get a private dance with them. Just mention it. Smoking is not permitted in any of the strip clubs in Albuquerque, nor in any restaurant and many bars.

The attendance at clubs goes up a little during the Balloon Fiesta, but not a great deal. Some dancers come in from out of town in expectations of making a big haul, but most that have tried this say it is not worthwhile. So you are likely to see the dancers that usually dance at clubs, not a lot of imports. There are some that come over from Phoenix and down from Las Vegas during the year, and those are usually here for the Balloon Fiesta as it is not a long trip for them.

Here are my suggestions for clubs to visit, in order of my preference:
1. TD’s North, off I-25 on the east side between the Jefferson and San Mateo exits. This is a clean club, well managed and with responsive help. The dancers range from mediocre in looks to very attractive. There is a variety of ethnicities here in which Latinas and southern California bleach blondes with bolt-ons dominate. There are usually one or two African-Americans and occasionally an asian. On a rare occasion, you may run into a native American. Dances on the floor are $10 and in the VIP $25 with no extra VIP charge. You can usually get a little stick shifting in the floor dances and a lot more in the VIP. If you are not getting what you want in the floor dance, cut your losses and find another dancer. If you like what you are getting in the floor dance, move over to the VIP, things usually get better. If they don’t, cut your losses and repeat. There are two VIP rooms, one with booths and one without. The one with booths is preferred. Bouncers check in once a dance to see which dancer has a customer, but that is all they do. I have never seen them interrupt a dance for untoward activities. Try to sit at a table on the wall as you will get a better floor dance there. There are some nooks and crannies in the club that offer some privacy for floor dances. There is a Champagne Room, but at $275 for half hour, I have not tried it out. Others tell me that with the right dancer it can be worth it.

TD’s North serves food, which is good and inexpensive, but not gourmet quality, and is open for lunch. It is ideal for a midday break as most of the Balloon Fiesta activities take place in the early morning or in the evening.

2. TD’s Eubank, on the east side of Eubank just south of Menaul. This is also a clean club, with similar management and practices to the North club. I don’t go here as often as I find the dancers a bit aloof and the experience not as pleasurable. I have never had a truly great dance here, either on the floor or in the VIP room, but you can get some stick shifting from the right dancer. Others have had great experiences here, so they can be had, I just don’t expect it and I am usually not disappointed. It may be that I just don’t come here enough and the dancers don’t feel comfortable with someone who is not a regular. I think the dancers are a notch lower quality than at TD’s North and the bleach blonde blot-ons and African American Dancers are scarcer. I don’t think I have ever seen an asian dancer here. The dances are similar in price to TD’s North, $10 on the floor and $20 in the Vip area. The VIP area, behind the bar, is not as secluded and private as the one at TD’s North. There is also a VIP room on the second floor, which costs $15 to enter and $25 a dance. I have not done the upstairs VIP room myself, but have heard from others that it is usually not worth the extra up charge over the normal VIP room behind the bar. So, get a firm commitment from the dancer as to what is expected before venturing up there.

They too have food, and it is good and a good value. I wouldn’t go out of my way to eat there, but if you need lunch and a strip club break at the same time, it is a handy choice.

3. Knockouts on Central between 4th and 5th street downtown. If for some reason you are staying downtown this is within walking distance of most of the hotels downtown. At $5 for a floor dance, $10 for a VIP dance and willing dancers, this used to be a bargain club. No longer though. While the prices have remained the same, the dancers have become less willing. The dancers here were never knockouts and are not now either. You will find the occasional gem, but the really good looking ones usually don’t do very good dances. The mix here is mostly Latina, with more African Americans than the TD’s clubs. The dancers here are usually on their way down from one of the two TD’s clubs, or dancing for experience until one of the better clubs will hire them. There is also a VIP room in the back, the Bubble Room, which the dancers try to sell by telling you that there are no cameras there. It is $15 per dance there and from my vantage point, not worth the extra expense.

Knockouts does not serve food and opens in the early afternoon, so don’t make lunch plans there.

4. Fantasy World, on the north side of Jefferson, just east of I-25. This is Albuquerque’s only nude club and hence also no alcohol. I find it a bland experience and haven’t been there in a long time, so some of this information may be old. But, I have not heard anything from anyone to indicate that things have improved. To enter, you pass through an adult book store. The dancers are usually under 21 as they can’t work at a place that serves alcohol until they are 21. As a result, there are a lot of underage under experienced dancers. Dances are $20 in VIP booths in a hall and $25 in the VIP room. A bouncer checks on the dances, often, at least twice a song so there is really no privacy and really no opportunity for extracurricular fun. If you have to have nudity, this is the place, but if you want to have fun dances, look elsewhere.

Resist the urge to visit Cheeks, Santa Fe’s only strip club. There is no fun to be had there and it is a dump.

If you are driving through El Paso on your way to Albuquerque, stop in at the Red Parrot or Cabaret for good times. If you are going through Phoenix, stop in at the Blue Moon or Hiliter. I don’t think that there are any strip clubs in Colorado worth stopping for.

Check the reviews for more specific information.

I hope that this makes your trip to Albuquerque and the Balloon Fiesta more pleasant.
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Have you ever dreamed of enjoying a first-class tropical vacation retreat with your own personal female travel guide to take your experience to a new level of sophisticated fun?

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In addition to upscale accommodations and premium bar and meals at the villa, guests enjoy a professional house staff 24-hours a day to take care of all their wants and needs in style. You’ll enjoy complimentary VIP airport services upon arrival which is the perfect way to start your adult vacation right. Senses staff drivers are available to take you where you need to go, and the personal in-house gourmet chef service is something that any guest isn’t likely to forget. All these little perks keep adding up as it quickly becomes evident why Senses Private Club is the premiere adult destination of its kind.

Guests at Senses Private Club are also able to choose from a variety of excursions in and around the eastern Dominican Republic. And unlike most other resorts, Senses also includes all of their excursions as part of their nightly rate.

The Punta Cana area around Senses offers a multitude of options for vacationers to enjoy. Fishing, parasailing, horseback riding, catamarans, jeep safaris, zip line tours, dune buggies, surfing, adventure tours, biking, and many other activities are included. You can even play a round of golf each day at several world famous courses included with your package.

Punta Cana is also home to world-class snorkeling and scuba diving. People travel from all over the world to soak in the warm Caribbean waters and experience a unique underwater world.

When it’s time to party you can rest assured that Punta Cana is known for some of the best nightclubs, casinos and other top entertainment in the Caribbean so you’ll never go wanting for nightlife excitement.

One of the most significant testimonials to a resort’s success is the satisfaction of the people who choose to visit. Senses Private Club has an excellent reputation for providing their guests with a unique experience unrivaled in the Caribbean. “Getting on my plane to return to reality was indeed a painful experience.” said a recent guest when asked about his experience at Senses. At the end of the day, that’s the type of vacation most people want to have themselves.

Escaping reality is just one of the many perks for the adventurous singles and couples who choose Senses as their private vacation destination.

Another benefit of a smaller private retreat like Senses is that guests are free to enjoy adult activities unencumbered by the traditional resort experience. Discretion and privacy for their guests is a priority of all staff members at Senses.

For adventurous singles and couples seeking a one-of-a-kind tropical vacation, Senses Private Club in the picturesque eastern coast of the Dominican Republic is a must visit. It should be on the bucket list of all adventurous people who desire a world-class adult experience.

For more information visit: sensesprivateclub.com
Jan 2017
Sep '17
2
7/2
1/1
1
July 31, 2017
11
August 17, 2017
After my friend told me about his experience with an escort, because his CF stripper was a mediocre OTC experience, I went for it.
My CF stripper is good in VIP but no full service yet...
I texted a girl I saw in the internet, blonde green eyes 5' 7" super model looking from Easter Europe, the ad said she wanted a respectful gentleman with sense of humor, and she was independent, no agency, in call and out call...
The rate was a bit in the high side but OK for Los Angeles. I texted a very professional but warm and courteous request for an appointment.
Hi "Rachel" my name is "CJKent", from Brentwood, saw your ad in the "internet site" and I would like to make an appointment to see you at your place. I was wondering if you might have time available "Next Day" at 8:30 pm?
Thank you.
Hello CJKent yes we can meet at my place at 8:30 tomorrow.
No mention of screening, or anything else, I googled her info and found nothing god or bad.
To make a long story longer, we texted the next day got the address, went there on time, brought expensive chocolates (the candy of love).
When she opened the door I couldn't believe my eyes, she looked even better than her professional pics, dressed in a form fitting cocktail dress, gave her the gift bag with the chocolates, she said "my favorites, thank you".
I asked if I could take a shower, everything in her place was nice and clean.
After the shower I walkend into the bedroom, she was laying naked in bed, walked to the dresser and put her gift on top so she could tell all was in there, and she just smiled at me and blew me a kiss.
I just followed everything I believe would make her feel secure, admired desired, I kissed her face delicately, her breast were natural firm C's.
I started caressing her clean bald pussy, touching her clit, then put one finger in, then two, I started to stimulate the area where the G spot is supposed to be, and she got wet really fast. I then French kissed her and she kissed me back, softly but with intensity.
After a few minutes she came a couple of times and my hand was soaked.
We moved to missionary (with cover) and she lookd like she was really enjoying it, and I was out of my mind, could not believe I was there with one of the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, she came one more time.
We moved to doggie, her feet on the floor and bend over the bed. I went at it with all I have I was going insane at the whole unbelievable sight and experience.
She moved her right hand at certain moment to push me back and my dick came out of her pussy at the same time she squirted, no like a stream, more like dumping a cup of liquid, got my feet really wet, I have never seen anything quite like it, not even in squirt porn.
She asked me how did you do that?, I did not answer, because I don't even know, I just went back in and gave her everything I had, I was sweating rivers myself, I had to get a towel to dry myself, and went back in with all my heart and soul, she dumped two mor cups of her pussy juice, and keep asking me how are you doing this? But I did not answer, because I don't know.
I think now it is like someone in tusl said:
"The cure for ED (Erectile Dysfunction) is a hot girl in her early twenties..."
I have never been so turned on in my life, the girl was super beautiful, sexy, sweet, nice the closest feeling I can compare is the first time I saw naked pictures of Marilyn Monroe as a kid.
I stopped because I came, I was exhausted and she looked exhausted too but I was as happy as one can be.
I asked permission to take a shower, and cleaned up, and when we said our goodbyes, she said to me; "I am leaving tomorrow to visit my family, I will call you when I come back, OK?"
I say yes of course is OK.
I can die now and be at peace with the universe after this experience, I don't think it can be duplicated or improved, but when and if she calls I am going to give her my best shot, I would die happy if I could die doing this again.
Aug 2009
Jul '17
4
1/1
17/11
0
July 14, 2017
27
September 4, 2017
This started out as a club review or possible comment. But when I finished, based on the length and the way it took shape I thought it was better suited as an article. There are shades of the "system" I use. But it's more of a field report. I hope you guys enjoy.

I was out last night, I had a couple of thoughts about what was going on in the club , and how thanks to the wisdom of this site, I managed to turn around what probably would have been a shitty high hustle night.

For some background, I'm a little more unusual for the monger crowd. I hit my first club right when I turned 18 and have gone 1-3xs a year since 18. I've been going to clubs on every rung of the career ladder. From starving college student, to bottom rung of the company, to I make enough to splurge at a strip club. The funny thing is that, because i've been on this site for so long, and starting clubbing when I had to scrounge $80 to go, it has made me much more savy and less prone to SS. And it's also resulted in me rarely spending more than $150.

Because I was off today. I decided to hit up a local strip club last night. I figure it's the Monday before a holiday, so there probably won't be a ton of customers, but there might be more dancers. My goal is always to find that sweet spot of when there are enough customers that the girls have to dance, but there are still more girls than customer. Obviously I'm going to miss out on the higher end girls, but I don't have John Smith money (I will in about 15 years). And i've also noticed that if there are 7-10 girls, after 30 minutes, my brain will make 1-2 of them hot enough to spend money on. If not, oh well I just leave.

So this next part is where my TUSCL and years of dealing with strippers came in handy. My budget for the night was $160, I left another $140 in the car, just in case. But with $160- that's enough for cover, drinking and stage tipping, with well over $120 for lap dances (Depending on the area). I don't like to carry more than that into a club for negotiation purposes. Strippers love to quote bullshit prices. But if they look and see you have some kind of money, and the options are coming down from that stupid high price she quoted you and nothing, they tend to come down, especially if they know you're not bullshitting. These is also part of why I like going at slow times. A stripper is far less likely to stick to that price point if she's been at work 5 hours and has $11 in stage tips and sold no dances. It just takes a little patience.

So when I got to my club at around 10. 8-10 girls on shift. Not a ton of customers. Just like I like it. But there are a few girls sitting with customers and a few who are just off to themselves. I order my beer and chill.

30 minutes in and no girl is moving from her customer. Stage show is whatever, I'm still chilling. I get approached by this tight bodied white girl. Kind of girl who is usually right up my alley. Walks right up to me, good eye contact, rubs my shoulder. Talks for all of 3 minutes before trying to sell me on a dance. 18 year old RedSpartan would have emptied his wallet for her. Decade+ RedSpartan, not so much. She tries leading to me the dance room without quoting me a price....that's interesting tactic, and red flag #1. She then quotes me $45 a dance + $5 to the house....So, this isn't my first time at this club, and I've gotten 2 dances for $55 at this club before. So then I inquire as to discounts for bulk dances. She says she'll do 2 for $75 with $10 to the house, and how that's a great value....yeah I'll pass. I was cordial. But politely declined and told her I was just getting warmed up, but we'd see. I figure, best to be cordial because when she's made no money, and can't make tipout that price was going to come right the hell down.

I was approached by 2 more girls shortly after. The first was a Hispanic girl who's English wasn't all that good, or was just faking it. Walks up to me and asks private dance. I'm already annoyed because she just led into it. But I'm more annoyed because she sat with some dude behind the bar for like 90 minutes who didn't buy any dances. As far as I could tell, he wasn't buying her drinks or paying her for her time (which isn't a thing in my city). As a general rule, I'm not ever going to get a dance from a girl who just hits me with the wanna dance hustle. That rule applies double when she appears to be at the club with a regular, whale, someone they seem to just enjoy being around. I figure the dance is going to be 1/2 assed. I could be wrong, but this has worked for me. But anyway she makes no mention of price and gets visibly upset when I turn her down. She then goes back to the guy she was with who continued to not pay her any money.

Another unattractive girl comes up to me, and again immediately tries to push a dance on me. All the girls here seem to think that selling me on the dance before telling me the price is a good strategy. I'll never understand why any of them do this. If I say yes and can't afford it she still can't get paid. She quotes me $30 a song t $5 to the house. Not terrible, but she's not that attractive, and it's still a little early. She knows whats up, promises me things, and asks what the budget is, and that she'd work with me. The rookie move here is to tell her exactly how much I have and then let her tell me she'd do whatever I wanted for that price. I simply said more than she thought, and said we'd talk after I saw her on stage. She then told me she doesn't go on stage.

I ended up stage tipping $15 between 3 girls. Not because I wanted to. But i had been there an hour and not spent any money besides my beer. So I needed to show this women I had money. I always keep a roll of about $30-40 in ones in my front pocket. I'll pull it out visibly and pull $5 out of it and walk to pervert's row. And tip $5 during 1 song, then retreat back to my seat. I'm not gonna burn money on worthless stage tips. I tip girls I'm interested in, ones who've been nice, but that I have no interest in getting a dance from, and anyone putting on extra effort.

1 got out tipped for 1 of the girls and lost her to that table for an hour+. That table wasn't spending money on her but she sat there. So I wrote that off as a loss, rather than wait her out to only get a 1/2 ass dance. Another Hispanic girl I tipped said thank you and sat at the bar. I'm still vehemently against ever chasing a stripper because it makes them think they can control you. But I had to get another beer and choose to order next to her. She engages me. Goes in for the dance hustle at about the 3 minute mark...i'm about to roll my eyes and walk off. She quotes her 1st price $35 for 1 song. LOL no. Sensing I'm losing interest she cuts it down to 2 songs for $50 and another $10 to the house. I figure that's probably the best value I'm gonna get, so I go for it. Keep in mind, the first dance I got quoted was 1 for $55 dollars. Dance was great, good 2 way contact, and I still had tons of money left over, due to patience and not being afraid to walk away. (in the back of my head I was also thinking, I could just go to a different club and spend what the first girl offered me and get more dances at a different club).

I come back out happy and satisfied. But not ready to go yet. So I'm still chilling. I notice a bunch of girls on the floor just dry humping dudes for free and paying all kinds of attention to them for no cost. Those same girls all walked up to me and hit me with the wanna dance hustle. Yeah...no. I'm not sure what those other guys have that I don't. I don't care. But if a stripper isn't willing to put that kind of effort to get me to spend on her, I hold on to my dollars.

I'm about to call it a night. But a girl I tipped earlier who had been nice to me sits down. I wasn't super interested but she sat for like 15 minutes. Did a set on stage and went to the dressing room. While she was in the dressing room, they announced a dance special. They didn't name a single price or what it was. So I guess it allows the dancers to set their own bullshit prices. My girl came back from the dressing room. She had been running that new girl hustle on me. So I decided to push it. I got her to offer me 2 dances for $30 + room fee. She could have been new, but her conduct in the room indicates to me that he wasn't. When we're at the end of the 2nd dance, i get her to agree to a 3rd dance for $20. Dance was good. Lots of two way contact through all 3. It was a topless dance and she ended up completely naked. So I got 3 dances for $50. Remember the first dance I got offered was 1 for $45. After that I called it a night.

This ended up being longer than I thought it was going to be. I'm sure someone can turn this into a system post. But last night felt like a win. I spent under $160 and got 5 lap dances in a place where the dancers set their own prices. I can honestly say that my trip wouldn't have been possible without TUSCL and being able to know what the dance price are. And how to handle stripper shit and spotting ROBs and Whales.

Thanks TUSCL!!
Sep 2013
Sep '17
7
46/3
12/7
46
July 5, 2017
59
September 4, 2017
For those interested in SeekingArrangment, here are my experiences.

I have been lucky enough to find some sex forums with decent sized populations of experienced or wanna-be sugar-daddies, to help fill out and/or confirm some of the perspectives. I joined SA thinking my goal would be to score a classic sugarbaby...

**Executive Summary**: Since this is tuscl, and most of you are executives, I'll start with an executive summary: I've had mixed experiences on SA overall -- for those wondering: yes, for me, OTC is resoundingly still the best experience in the sex industry. But if strip clubs disappeared tomorrow, I'd move onto SA wholesale, no doubt. For all I know, I'm just one awesome SB away from changing my mind completely ... but so far, I have NOT scored a classic SB, mostly because I just couldn't find anyone the interested me enough to engage at this level; I'm also not interested in escort-like interactions, but have indulged in some fun OTC-like meetings that are available on SA. If this entire report is TL;DR, I'd suggest you read just one thing, #5 in the Insights section, at the very bottom of this article.

**The Girls**: I think of the girls of SA in 3 groups, although these groups significantly overlap, and one girl can be in multiple groups at the very same time

Group 1: "Classic" Sugarbabies: they're looking for a sugardaddy/sugarbaby relationship, at levels of support ranging mostly from $1500/month but mostly higher. Sugarbaby tends to imply a bit more engagement in each others' lives: experienced sugardaddies consistently talk about how they're in contact with their SBs over text and phone, help them through life crises, give them business advice, take them on vacations, and overall just how big a part of their lives the SBs are. Some of these girls are very high quality women: white collar women who just need extra help, women on a success track at local universities, smart, interesting, reliable women. Of course, you will also find all kinds of other women: strippers, escort types, flakey hot chicks, etc., all also looking for a sugardaddy.

Group 2: Escort, escort-adjacent, and OTC-like girls: These range from outright escorts who are using SA as an extension of their business, to "sugarbaby light" girls who are okay with per-meeting payment (rather than monthly allowance) but who want to limit interactions to sexual dalliances, to girls whose model is very much like OTC with a stripper, where they're perfectly happy eating and drinking and partying with you for hours before or after the sex. In other words: whatever you're feeling like, you can probably find it on SA

Group 3: Strippers and ex-strippers. There's so many strippers on SA that it's worth calling them out separately. Obviously, they all fit into one or both of the groups above... although sometimes, they'll suggest that for your first meeting, that you meet them at their stripclub. I'll have more comments on them below.

**Pricing**: As part of their profile, the girls all set an "expectation", that ranges from Minimal (less than $1000/month, VERY few of them) and goes up in grades all the way to High (greater than $10,000/month). Don't get too intimidated by that, I've routinely talked girls in the Practical, Moderate, and Substantial (up to $10,000/month) down to OTC-level pricing, $300-$450 per meeting. Most girls will agree to per-meeting payment for the first few times you meet, even the classic sugarbabies who will eventually demand to move to monthly allowance.

In my discussions with very many experienced sugardaddies, most of the ones with multiple successful sugarbaby arrangements are paying in the range of $3500-$5000 per month, if you count allowance *plus* all the other money spent on the sugarbaby (gifts, hotel rooms, travel, food & drink, etc). Here and there I've heard of less, but that $3000+ range seems to be the magic number.

****** What you're here for: Insights and Experiences ********
1. The $3500/month sugardaddies are having a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE than what I"ll describe below ... those of us looking to spend closer to $1500/month, all pretty uniformly (with only rare exceptions) agree with my experiences up and down the line. But the $3500+ club is having a much more fun time of things, and virtually nothing I say below applies to them.

2. Flakiness rules. If you think strippers are flakey, SA brings that to a whole 'nother level. Be ready to deal with a lot of flakiness, although the one mercy is that much of the flakiness happens in the email negotiation leading to the date, which means you've only wasted your online time writing emails. That said, there ARE reliable, civilian women on SA, who are far more reliable than this overall experience, you'll just go through an insane amount of flakiness to find them.

3. No one looks like their pics. Unlike strip clubs, but JUST LIKE escorts, Tinder, Match.com: no one looks like their pics, they've all chosen their very best amazing pics from 5 years ago, took pictures from strategic angles, etc. Just like when meeting an escort or a girl from Tinder for the first time, just expect her to be thicker and less pretty than she looked in that pic, sometimes shockingly so.

4. The girls are annoyed with you. Well, maybe not you personally, but with the men on the site. And not without reason, they've been treated pretty disrespectfully in emails, and so it will pay you back huge dividends if you take a little time learning to write profiles and emails that come across both respectful and confident. This, by the way, may be at least partially responsible for the flake rate, the girls might be reading deeply into everything you write, and bolting at any little thing that bugs them.

5. There are a LOT of strippers and ex-strippers on SA. One of the things I learned: I have an amazing radar for strippers. So far I'm 100% on figuring out when I guess a girl I'm at a meetup with is a stripper or ex-stripper. Going further, nearly all of the best looking women I met on SA are strippers or ex-strippers, and if I further narrow that down to "maximum sum of looks plus fun personality": 100% strippers and ex-strippers. That also led me to another insight: Subraman, I says, if so many hot SA women are strippers, perhaps many active working strippers are on SA. So in the strip club, I've been doing a little experiment: during the conversation, I organically work into the conversation that "I haven't been to the club that often recently because I'm on SA... I really want a sugarbaby to take care of." This has been an unadulterated hit for me. More than half the strippers I've said this to, whipped out their phone and showed me their SA profile, and then we had fun swapping crazy SA stories. 100% of the strippers gave me an "awwwww!" and became VERY interested. In fact, unlike some of you guys, I almost NEVER get propositioned for OTC, I always have to ask and pursue the stripper.... except now, I'm getting strippers hinting or asking outright, "we should meet up, I wanna be a sugarbaby", etc. All in all, at worst it leads to fun conversation, at best it gets the strippers asking ME for OTC (I realize tuscl PLs are seasoned enough not to care much about this, we're all used to asking for OTC, but it IS a little bit of a kick to be the one asked instead of doing the asking). One of my buddies has been so impressed with this that he's planning to set himself up a dummy profile on SA, just to be able to flash it...lol


*** In summary: I've enjoyed the experience and am still indulging, but it has not remotely shaken my preference for strippers, ITC and OTC. And perhaps that's really where I am mentally and emotionally right now: perhaps I am not really ready or interested in having a SB be so much of my life, the way things work with those more experienced high-$$$ sugardaddies I mentioned, much less being interested in laying out that kind of cash. OTC with strippers may just scratch my itch. I'm still looking for a more classic sugarbaby arrangement on SA, but am no closer than when I joined nearly a year ago, and tend to be pulling the trigger on SA meetups when it's more OTCish.
Lapland
Jun 2015
Sep '17
7
0/2
47/26
3
June 14, 2017
19
August 7, 2017
I've done OTC once with my ATF in the past. I don't visit her club in Baltimore (about 60-90 min away) nearly as often as I used to. Generally they've been 4-5 month intervals but we text each other fairly regularly. Finally I had a break and a chance to go up and see her. We usually have it planned out. Our usual MO is that I bring dinner into the club (which doesn't serve food) for her and me, we spend some quality time together nuzzling at one of the tables or at the bar, and then private rooms for 30 min and a few laps for much of the rest of the evening.

Last week, ATF wanted a change of pace. She wanted to have dinner with me before going into the club. We did, at a nice steak restaurant (meeting me at my hotel in a low-key outfit, a long summer dress and flip flops). After, I dropped her off at the club, and then came by later. I did 30 min with her in a private room for the usual fee, we hung out till closing. No overnight was going to happen that night, so no nookie. But ATF asked to meet me for breakfast the next morning out closer to where she lived. We did so (she came in a shorter dress, lower cut, still in flats), and then we spent some time together afterward riding around in my convertible.

This is less your usual OTC story than what essentially amounted to a back-to-back dinner date and then a breakfast date with a very pretty woman (divorced MILF), in which I wound up learning a lot more about my ATF than I expected. I have to admit that in the back of my mind I knew this would eventually happen, given we've known each other for well over two years. I thought I was going to share a little bit of my heritage and my profession with her just to make things interesting and her curious about me. But what happened was suddenly a torrent of information from her. Among those things I learned were her name (showing me her profile as a driver for one of those popular ridesharing services), her family background, what she did before stripping, her vacation with her kids, lots of photos with well-known people, and advice on a career change that would allow her to live a nice normal attractive lifestyle. Just from time spent with my ATF in the past, she tends to avoid too much drinking in the club, and apparently seems to be drug-free (no tattoos, no smoking, generally clearheaded, friendly to waitstaff in restaurants, unfailingly polite, and tends to disdain the cokeheads who danced at or managed her former club).

So part of the deal with engaging a stripper off the stage is always the fantasy - even if it's pure acting, if she's good she makes both Dr. Libido / L'il Roadworrier / whatever-you-wanna-call-it and yourself feel like the center of the sex universe, for however long you have on the sofa or in the VIP room. If you build a rapport she can offer a decent GFE when not "on the clock" (although her current club has dancer drinks which provide a revenue stream on the backs of customers with a small 40% cut for the dancer). And then maybe OTC and horizontal bop happens.

But what happened last week suddenly jolted me, though it took some time to sink in. I suddenly do not think of her as a stripper anymore. I know her name, what her family looks like, her car, what she does when not in the club, and most of all, I'm now getting accustomed to seeing her in something other than quick-to-remove lingerie and 5" platform heels. I have enough info about her that I can google her, access her on LinkedIn, and essentially turn into a Grade A stalker. It looks like we will be doing this again next month, and it looks like we have another restaurant and plans to go to a park the next day already made. My motto of my SC life has always been to let fantasy get in the way of reality. Now for the first time, it's the other way.

Yet even with this sudden dose of "real", there was a clear pattern to her sharing so much with me. It seemed like one part of it was for me to know who she was before she began stripping, and the other part of it was apparently to know she was looking for a life after stripping. Knowing I am married, knowing she's a mom, and sensing she's not much for hotel tricks, it became clear she's looking for some sugar-daddy action, at the very least a little low-key sugar-daddy advice, for the cost of meals and of course time in the club. She's not asked me for a retainer yet, so it's just been a matter so far of providing her with company, food and a little evening income at the club in exchange for some sexy fun.

While there's only so much advice one (even if he is 25 years older) can give someone who was a married stay-at-home mom for a few years and doesn't have a broad work background beyond the SC, it is clear she is an engaging communicator, and seems to be good about taking care of herself. If anyone could probably "move on" into real life. it's her.

The alpha-dog part of me wants to stick to the sex part and know her by her stage name. The beta part of me wants to move this along and see where it goes. I think the alpha-dog route is the safer way to go, and has been my road taken in the past. But when you know a gal for long enough, even in an SC, if they actually like you, at some point it seems like things will take a turn into the friend/sugar-daddy zone. Something I am clearly not prepared for.
Jul 2014
Sep '17
9
8/1
119/84
7
June 14, 2017
46
August 16, 2017
This was my second foray into Tijuana. The first was in November 2014 when I crossed the border and hit Hong Kong three days out of the four that I was in San Diego. I learned a lot back then (with advice from TUSCL contributors), and I'm still learning. There have been other, very helpful posts on TUSCL, and my intent with this long-ass article is to add details that I think would also prove helpful to anyone who has not yet made the journey and is contemplating it. And yeah, ya should. The place is just unreal.

Planning for this trip started a few months ago. I had to be in Orange County for a conference, so my flight to California from the East Coast was covered by my employer. I went out a few days early, rented a car, and drove the 90 minutes south to the border.

The first thing I will tell you is that instead of staying in San Diego (as I did for visiting family during the last trip), I booked a room in San Ysidro, California, the town where the border crossing is. TUSCL trolls, don't give me any shit for not actually staying in TJ. For a number of reasons, staying in the U.S. allows me to cover my ass and gives me a little plausible deniability with the wife back home. (Just trying to avoid the inevitable "Honey, when you called me three of the nights you were gone, how come there are roaming charges from Mexico on our cell phone bill?") As I said, don't give me any shit! A guy does what he has to do to preserve domestic tranquility.

BORDER CROSSING INTO MEXICO
There are things about the border crossing that have changed since I was here in 2014, and things will continue to change. The old crossing still works pretty much the same way as before, and you can travel south into Mexico and north into the U.S. there. There is a brand new crossing about a mile to the west, but it's my understanding that for *now* you can only cross there from Mexico into the U.S. I read that that will change sometime soon, and eventually the old crossing will be torn down.

Not sure about parking at the new crossing; I think it might be $8.00 during the week and $25.00 on the weekend. I stuck with the old crossing and parked in the lot next to and behind the Jack-in-the-Box. The pay lot is open 24 hours, $8.00 for 8 hours, cash only. If you return even one minute after your 8 hours are up, you will pay another $8.00, so keep that in mind. It's a short walk from there to the border crossing – just follow the crowd.

I had heard they were stamping passports going into Mexico now, and to avoid that (plausible deniability and all) – and based on advice here on TUSCL – I had gotten a Global Entry pass several months ago. It also allows you to skip the long lines coming back and provides automatic TSA Pre-Check whenever you fly. Worked like a charm coming back. Going into Mexico the first two days, I was not stopped by anyone nor required to show anything. HOWEVER, on the third day going into Mexico, I was asked by the Mexican Border Patrol agent to show my passport – which I did not have with me. I showed him my Global Entry card, which he said is only good for getting back into the U.S. He said, "You have to have a passport." WTF – no one said a word to me the prior two days. After a brief moment of unease on my part, he let me in and said, "Next time, bring your passport." Phew! Still not sure about the stamping of passports. Note that if you bring anything into Mexico with you (I carried a small messenger bag), they run it through a scanner like at an airport, but getting in is really easy.

The rest of the route to HK has been well documented on TUSCL. Walk along with the crowd for a few minutes, grab a Yellow Cab, and say, "Hong Kong, cinco, si?" (they always said yes to me). Incidentally, Tijuana taxis are a trip in and of themselves, as the drivers race to get you to your destination, and whatever rules of the road they have there seem more like mere suggestions. After five minutes, $5.00 (US) and a dollar tip, you're there. The Yellow Cabs have to stop in front of Adelita Bar a couple of doors down from HK; there is another cab company that gets to park in front of HK. No biggie. Just walk back to HK.

MONEY
All transactions can be made in US dollars. Others here have recommended changing to pesos to get a better deal (depending on the prevailing exchange rate), but I did not bother with that. Not saying you shouldn't use pesos – just saying you don't have to. And you all know you never use a credit card in a strip club, right?

HOTEL CASCADAS
Before I left I had PM'ed a fellow TUSCL contributor about advice on a few things, and he suggested that even though I was staying overnight in San Ysidro I might want to book a room at Hotel Cascadas, which occupies about six floors above Hong Kong. He pointed out that the rooms are really cheap if you spring for a VIP card at HK (more on that in a moment), and if you plan take girls upstairs several times over two or three days (or multiple times each day/night, like I did), the card pretty quickly pays for itself. In addition, there's no knock at the door when your 30 minutes are up.

I made a reservation the week before for three nights via the hotel's website (which is reachable from the HK website). They don't require a credit card number for the reservation, but they do ask for an email address to send you a confirmation. I registered using a fake name (but a real email address) based on TUSCL advice about using a fake name when you get the VIP card. I used the same alias for both the hotel reservation and the card. Believe me, nobody cared or asked.

When you make the reservation online, the website will tell you what your total will be, based on the rack rate of $55 a night for a standard room Sunday-Thursday, $70 Friday and Saturday – and says that discounts will be applied upon check-in. When you arrive, first go to HK to get your VIP card and then check into the hotel next door (literally two steps from the HK entrance). I was so fortunate that my TJ trip included a Monday and a Tuesday, since the VIP discount on those two days is a whopping 80%, bringing the cost of the room down to $11 a night. When you consider that if you don’t have your own room and you want to take a girl upstairs, it will cost you $17 per half hour (and double that if you take two girls at a time, which I did on my last visit). The discount on other nights is 20%, bringing the cost down to $44 – which is still not too bad, especially if you plan to use the room for multiple visits. All transactions are done in cash, with US dollars or, if you prefer, pesos.

The standard room has a sink, bed, enclosed toilet, separate shower, and decent variable "mood" lighting. Perfect, really. (Deluxe rooms are also available at a higher rate.) I paid a $20 fully-refundable deposit for a remote control for the AC. There was also a TV, but I did not use it. Over three days, I don't think they serviced the room in any way, but they did promptly honor my request for clean towels on day three.

THE VIP CARD
You can look on the HK website for a list of the perks you get when you buy a VIP card. I didn't avail myself of all that much (didn't use the free limo to or from the border, no fancy bottle service, etc.) but it's pretty easy to get your money's worth, especially if you stay at the hotel on a Monday and/or a Tuesday. You go right to the desk on the left as you enter HK, tell them you want a VIP card, and give them $50. They will ask your name (whatever you choose to give them), enter that into the computer, mark your expiration date on your card with a Sharpie (it's good for four months), and you're good to go.

The tricky part about using the card is that if you want, say, your free drink, you have to go to the front desk and tell them you want a free drink. They log that in their system showing that you've now requested that for the day (you only get one per visit) and give you a receipt to give to any bartender or waiter (mesero). I guess that's OK, but if you're sitting in a booth with a chica bonita and you decide you want to take her for your half-price lap dance, you just can't take her to the lap dance room – you have to go back to the desk at the entrance where they go through the same routine of logging you in and giving you a receipt (and taking your $11, which is half the standard $22 price). This actually takes a few minutes, so you might think about doing that in advance if you really think you'll get a lap dance. You definitely can do it on the spur of the moment, but there will be a few minutes of wood-killing procedural folderol.

HK COUPONS
There are some useful coupons which you can print out from the HK website for different things like, for example, one free appetizer or lap dance. You redeem them at the desk at the entrance to HK. They nominally keep track, asking for your email address (you can make that up if you want; I did and it was not a problem), which you write on the back of the coupon. They then staple a receipt to your coupon which you can give to one of the meseros to use. You can't use them in combination with your VIP card, and they're only supposed to be good once during your day/night visit, but if you're cagey (and if there's a different person at the desk when you go back), you can get away using more than one.

MESEROS
People here on TUSCL sometimes complain about the meseros (waiters) because they are omni-present, but I thought they were great pretty much across the board. They all speak English, which can be very helpful, and they are genuinely interested in making sure you have a good experience at HK. Yes, that means more tips for them, but they are all pleasant and eager to please. Not one shorted me on change nor automatically "kept" the tip. If you speak no Spanish, you would do well to befriend a mesero.

GENERAL VIBE IN THE CLUB
Even though you may be entering what many would consider to be a legal bordello, this is not a sleazy place – far from it. HK is very nicely-appointed, easily rivaling many of the upscale clubs in the U.S. The lighting is great throughout, as are the stages and the available seating. Even when it's not super-crowded, there's a fun vibe. The girls are pretty much all in the 7-9 range, with something for everyone in terms of tall, short, thick or thin (though not a lot of ethnic diversity). It's my understanding that the girls all have to get health-tested regularly to work there, and from a personal hygiene standpoint (based on close personal contact with dozens of them), they are generally much cleaner than a lot of American strippers are. And gorgeous.

Every girl I talked to was from somewhere other than Tijuana – Mexico City, Guadalajara, Monterrey, Jalisco, Sinaloa, etc. They come and stay a week or two, make a ton of money (more than what they can make at home), and then go back to their lives and families. It's very rare to find any who are fluent in English. Most speak a little English; a few speak virtually none. My Spanish skills are rudimentary, at best, and I had my best times with those who knew a few words of English and/or were patient with my lousy Spanglish. I found that one of the most useful phrases is "Como se dice..." [co-mo say dee-say], which means "How do you say...?" which shows you are at least making an attempt.

GETTING THE MOST FOR YOUR MONEY
First of all, compared to what you have to pay in U.S. clubs, it's just dirt cheap here, and you can have a good time for even just a fistful of dollars. A single U.S. dollar bill will give you a chance to fondle any girl's boobs – and probably her pussy as well. For the price of a girl's drink – $9.00, plus a $1.00 tip – you can have a girl sit with you in a booth while you explore each others' charms. It's pretty much a given in this situation that breasts will be bared – and maybe more – and touching is the norm. Yes, some of the girls will down their drinks quickly and move on, but they really have an incentive to stay and do what they can to convince you to take them upstairs. Most are quite friendly and accommodating in the booths.

If you're not quite ready to commit to going upstairs, you can get a lap dance (for $22), which is done in a private room with frosted glass. As I mentioned above, free or half-price lap dances are available with the VIP card or a coupon from the website. I did a couple of those, and with one girl I got a CBJ for an additional $20.

Prices quoted to me for going upstairs (arriba) ranged from $60 to $100. The going quoted rate seemed to be $80; some settled for $60, others held firm at $80. The one girl who quoted me $100 very quickly came down to $80. This is basically for 30 minutes in a room at the Hotel Cascadas (see above). Though I know the price of the room can vary, I think it's basically about $17 for 30 minutes. Once you and the girl settle on a price for her time, you go to the door of HK (either the front door or the back door), the girl is given a robe by the door guy (for which you tip $1.00), and you go to the hotel desk on the second floor. You pay the $17, they give the girl a condom and some lube, and you're on your way. I will leave the rest up to your imagination.

No matter where I was in the club or the hotel, I never felt that anyone was out to cheat me or ROB me. All transactions were on the up-and-up. Everyone treated me with kindness and respect -- and, naturally, I reciprocated.

GENERAL VIBE ON THE STREET
I was aware, based on recent TUSCL postings, that there has been some violence on the street around HK, but unless you're drunk and/or stupid (or both) and you keep your wits about you, you should be OK. I was on the street both day and night and never felt threatened. At night, the street (at least the block with HK and Adelita Bar) is so well lit that it's almost like daylight. I saw LOTS and LOTS of street girls hanging out – they are everywhere. I did not interact with any of them on this trip, and other TUSCLers have described that scene more knowledgeably than I ever could. I will say only that the opportunity to engage with them is ever-present.

BORDER CROSSING INTO THE UNITED STATES
Cabs are always parked outside HK; the ride back to the border is $5.00 (plus a $1.00 tip). Just be sure to specify whether you want to be dropped at the old border (vieja frontera) or the new border (nueva frontera). In my experience, the cab drivers all speak English, or at least enough to get you where you need to go. They will drop you off for the (hopefully) short walk to the border crossing station.

Others here have talked about what times are best and worst to try to make the crossing. If you cross on a weekend afternoon, you may wait in line for three to four hours! I crossed at the old border station either early or late evening and there was no line at all. I would guess that much of the foot traffic has migrated to the new crossing. I also was equipped with my Global Entry pass, which saved me a little time, but really, at that time of day there were so few people it didn't make much difference.

You have to stop and talk to a U.S. Border Patrol agent, who will ask you one or more questions, but it's really no big deal. One asked me where I had been and didn't blink when I said La Zona Norte. I think I was always asked where I was going; I said I had a hotel room in San Ysidro. All asked if I had anything to declare (apparently, that's the one required question), and since I hadn't bought anything other than great memories, my answer was always no and I was waved through. It should go without saying that you should not try to bring any drugs with you – in either direction. I am not sure of the likelihood of getting caught, but I am certain that the consequences would not be favorable.

Well, I hope that this has been helpful to you. There are plenty of TUSCLers who are more experienced at this than I am, and I expect that some will post additions, corrections or clarifications to what I've written. I welcome that. And I strongly encourage anyone who has not yet made the trip to do so – before Donald Trump builds that wall!