On Aging

@rickdugan Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. I realize that I did not go into any great amount of detail but you presume too much. I never did the pursuing. When we first met we had a spirited verbal argument and not the friendly kind. Her work colleague later told me she was interested in me. My reaction was “What the fuck are you talking about? I’m too old for her.” I can’t begin to count how many times in the following year that I told her and anyone else who would listen the same thing. You see, I don’t subscribe to the Age Gap Relationship bullshit. IMO at best it is ridiculous (there’s no fool like an old fool) and at worst it is vile (a predatory dirty old man exploiting a vulnerable young girl). So in truth I never considered any of the issues one should think about before committing to a serious relationship because a romantic long term relationship was never under consideration on my part. Her persistence and ability to counter any arguments to the contrary in both the spoken and written word for the better part of a year convinced me that she was sincere in her feelings and desires. It wasn’t until a third party, a lady older than I who had known us both for a couple of years took me aside and opened my eyes. This lady told me two things that did the convincing. First, she told me that the only person that didn’t know that we were in love was me. I couldn’t deny my strong feelings. Secondly this lady told me that at this point in my life that there was no reason not to put my own happiness first. At that point, for the first time, I started thinking about doing just that. I admit to only considering the beginning and the end. A few years of a honeymoon phase traveling and enjoying ourselves followed by my inevitable death at which time she would be a young widow with more money than she could ever spend. I did not really consider the middle part of life for her because that’s all behind me. I haven’t thought about children for decades and it wasn’t until I saw her with her nephew that it even occurred to me. IMO motherhood is a sacred thing and I could never have denied that opportunity to her. That left putting an end to any thoughts about going forward unless I was willing to give her a child. I can’t tell you how strongly I feel about not knowingly leaving a child to grow up without a father. I could never intentionally do that to a child and that was what would have happened so ending it was in fact the only option. My comment about how I would enjoy raising a son was more of a whimsical thought than any kind of regret. I mean right now I have no worries about money or need to go to work. I could devote myself to raising and teaching a son things like how to hunt and fish, how to drink and fight, how to make a girl’s panties wet be she a lady or a whore. You know all the important things in life. lol I’ve often wished that I had been born in earlier times when real adventures were plentiful. I’ve never before wished to have been born later but in this case it is at least a passing thought of what might have been. Anyways, when I look at the picture of the smiling mother with her child I know I did the correct thing in setting my own selfishness aside.