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intothemuff
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Joined: Feb 2009

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Massage parlor etiquette for the novice monger



When I first learned about massage parlors and what could be had behind those blacked-out windows, I scoured the Internet for information. I wanted to know exactly what to do and say — down to the last detail — to ensure a good time. I found some good information, but I didn't find exactly what I was looking for: a step-by-step guide to that first massage parlor visit. Hopefully this will help someone who was in my position to be a little more relaxed that first time.

(Note: The following is hypothetical and for informational purposes only. It is not based on any actual experience, and I do not advocate or encourage illegal activity of any sort.)

First, do your research. You should know what you want, and pick a place that'll give it to you. Find out everything you can about the place: when it's open, whether you should call for an appointment, how many girls are on staff, how do the girls rate (based on appearance, age, service), do they offer what you want (HJ, FS, etc.), what is the standard rate (house fee plus tip), and so on. If you ask me, the right place is worth a bit of a drive, so don't limit your search to any particular area. (I'll list at the end of this article some good sources of information for starting your research.)

Now you've picked your place and you're ready to go. Before leaving, make sure you're clean — you're much more likely to have a good time if the girl isn't repulsed by your B.O. or bad breath. If you smoke or drink a lot of coffee, take a breath mint with you. Bring only the money you plan to spend, and it's probably a good idea to leave any credit cards or identifying information (except for your driver's license) at home. You may opt to leave this stuff in your car once you get to the place, but consider the area you'll be in. If it's in a seedy part of town (which it is likely to be), you might not want that stuff in your car either.

Once you've arrived, you'll want to go inside. Wait! Look around for anything suspicious. If there are people hanging around, wait for them to leave. Anything that makes you feel uneasy is a good enough reason to bail. Not only do you need to be mindful of law enforcement, but it's not uncommon for massage parlor patrons to be mugged; after all, they probably won't call the police. Also, be considerate of other hobbyists. If you see someone walk in, wait a few minutes before going up, to give him time to get out of sight. If you're comfortable, go on up to the door.

There'll probably be a buzzer next to the door; press it and wait to be let in. Once you're in, someone (possibly an older "mamasan," or the girl who'll be giving you your massage) will ask you to pay the house fee. This is usually $60-80. She'll probably ask if you've been there before. I've always just been honest, and it's never resulted in a disappointing experience, so that's what I'd recommend you do. You'll be led to a private room and told to get comfortable. The girl will leave, and this is your cue to take your clothes off. If you've been offered a shower (and if you are, accept the offer), the girl will be back to lead you to the shower room. If not, just lie face-down on the massage table.

Most places will offer you a shower (or "table shower"), which you should absolutely agree to, even if you're clean. You might see a robe hanging nearby, or otherwise there will be towels. Cover yourself and wait for the girl to return. She'll take you to a shower stall with a rubber-padded table. Uncover yourself and lie face-down after the girl pours some warm water over the table. She'll wash you with soap and rinse you off, on both sides. She may flirt with you or tease you, so be pleasant and respond kindly to her attention. If you're lucky, you'll get a glimpse of what's to come!

When you're done on both sides, stand up and hold your arms out to either side while she dries you off. Then she'll wrap the towel around your waist and — if they have one — ask if you want to sit in the sauna. Your choice, but I've always figured, why not. After she comes back and leads you to the massage room, take off your towel and lie face-down on the table. She may ask you what kind of massage you want (light, medium, or hard pressure, etc.), but it doesn't really matter. You can really only expect a so-so massage, so I'll usually just say medium if she asks at all (and she probably won't, actually). She'll massage your shoulders and back, and work her way down, and this is usually pretty relaxing if not therapeutic. She may tease you a little too, so just enjoy it.

When she's done with your back, she'll ask you to flip over, and she may massage your chest for a minute before asking what you want to do next. This is when you tell her what you came for. Remember all that research you did? You should know what you can and can't get and how much it costs. If not, just say what you want (or gesture, if her English isn't good), and she'll let you know if it's available. She may want her tip before doing anything, but I wouldn't offer it until she asks. A good provider knows what you came for and that you don't plan on stiffing her (well, not that way anyway), and if you've been a good customer so far she'll probably just wait and let you tip her when all's said and done. (This is not always the case, however; some of these girls are simply not good providers. That's why you try to weed out the bad ones by researching first.)

Once you understand each other, she'll leave the room for a minute (to get "something"), come back, and get undressed. I'll leave this part to your imagination. Don't expect anything you aren't offered. Don't be too demanding. If you ask and she says she won't do it, drop it. It was your job to know what you could get before you came. If you ask for something you know is usually provided and she won't do it, it's probably just because you're a new customer, and she may not be comfortable doing certain things with new customers. Again, don't press the issue. Maybe just ask, "How about next time?" or say, "You sure? I'm a real good tipper." But if the answer is still no, leave it at that. I can't stress this enough: treat her with as much respect as you would any other girl. And yes, you absolutely must wear protection.

After the grand finale, she'll clean you off and may massage you a little more. She'll let you know when she's done, and now is the time to tip if you haven't already. She'll probably count it in front of you, and she may ask you for more. If you know you've given her the standard rate, be firm; she may be trying to take advantage of your inexperience. Then again, if you've followed my advice so far she'll probably assume you know what the deal is, and she won't try to milk you any more than she already has (get it?). Of course, if she went above and beyond — extra time, offered nonstandard "extras" (GFE) — you may want to give her a little extra.

Hopefully this is enough information to get you started. For more tips, reviews, and general hobbying information, check out the following sites: www.spahunters.com, www.usasexguide.info, www.utopiaguide.com.
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nochedesol1
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This was a very informative article, thanks for sharing your knowledge.  As a novice to spas I found your information very useful and on point.
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daveyray
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Joined: Feb 2004

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Good article, thanks.  I have been to a few AMP's but many years ago.  One was a fabulous experience that I'll remember the rest of my life, one was a bit ... disappointing ... I got a massage!  Thanks for the sites, I'll be checking things out locally.
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